Dearest Mom and Dad,
We were offended by your recent belief that we were plotting to kill you. Let us remind you, that we have been with you longer than that stupid dog, who whines and tattles more than she guards the house. She is just a whiny tattle tale looking for attention.
I mean really, you think we would want to kill you? Our only food source? Are you guys crazy?
We thought you should know the truth. We have been on the computer occasionally, but the reason is not what that stupid mutt suggested (we have NO IDEA why that site was bookmarked, but we think Patches was setting us up). However, we were merely trying to pull our share in helping with the family finances. We came up with a great idea to make some money. We think you will be very pleased with this idea.
We have decided to sell Patches, just think how much money you will save in Busy Bones alone! We think we are genious and will soon create a business to assist other families in need.
We love you and are faithful 100%.
Love forever and always,
Your Angels Boston and Americus