I got this forwarded to me today, and couldn’t help but laugh. During these fun times, I am sure you all can relate this to your working environment in some form or another.
Please note that as this is going to be a “tight” year, Management has decided that we should do all we can to reduce cost and improve productivity. Would appreciate it if all of us could adhere to the guidelines with immediate effect. Thank you for your cooperation.
No excuse. The company will no longer accept a doctor’s certificate as proof. If you are able to go to a doctor, you are able to attend work.
Death (Your own)
This will be accepted as an excuse. We would like two weeks notice since we feel that it is your duty to train someone else for your job.
Death (Other than your own)
This is no excuse. There is nothing you can do for them and henceforth no time will be allowed for funerals. However, in case of hardships, the Company has special scheme, in conjunction with the local cemetery for lunch-time burials thus ensuring that no time is lost from work.
Leave of absence for an operation
Henceforth, no time off will be allowed for an operation. The company believes that as long as you are an employee, you will need all of whatever you already have and will not consider having any of it removed. We have engaged you for a particular job, with all of your parts, and to have anything removed would mean that the Company is getting less than it contracted for.
Visits to the toilet
Far too much time on this particular practise. In future, all staff will go in alphabetical order. All surnames beginning with ‘A’ will go from 9.45 to 10.00. Those beginning with ‘B’ will go from 10.05 to 10.15 and so on. Anyone unable to attend at this appropriate time will have to wait until the following day for their turn to come around.