Daily Archives: March 29, 2009

Chainsaw Snores and Waffle Nazi’s

waffle

So, this past weekend, Hubby and I went to California to visit his family for his Grandmother’s birthday. I must admit, I was a little remiss to make a turn-around trip ( mostly because I HATE road trips, I am just not a good traveler and we were up there for one one whole day and half the next morning), but I am glad we went. We had a great time with the family despite some minor obstacles.

We drove up late Saturday night and arrived basically in time to go to bed. Hubby was hoping a night without the pets and a NOISY sister would allow for a good night’s sleep. (AWWW, isn’t he sweet?) However, he couldn’t have been MORE wrong on that one. His dad, in the next room, was snoring SO LOUD that I thought he might wake up the entire hotel. And I don’t mean light snoring, I mean shaking our room so the walls shake and there might be an earthquake snoring. I mean just imagine that the snoring is SO.VERY.LOUD that even a pillow over your head won’t block out the noise! Yea, it was bad and since I could barely sleep, I decided to wake Hubby up too.

What? He shouldn’t be sleeping, if I’m not!

Me: PSSSST Hubby!

Hubby: Huh….Wha?

Me: HOW does your Mom sleep through THAT snoring?

Hubby(falling back asleep): Ugh. I have no idea

Me: PSSSST Hubby…I can’t sleep. PSST. PSST PSST…..

fastforward next morning

Dad: How’d you guys sleep?

Us: NOT AT ALL! YOU SNORE!

Dad: No I don’t. I wear breath right strips.

Us: They don’t work!

So then we all decide to go to breakfast. The hotel we were staying at had a waffle maker where you could make your own waffles! I was SUPER excited. I.LOVE.FOOD. And am particulary fond of breakfast food. However here’s what happened:

There I am minding my own business, making waffles when I am approached by a crazy-haired waffle nazi lady (WNL) with a psycho look in her eye.

WNL: Whose waffle is in there?

Me: Mine.

WNL: Well, did you set the timer? I mean geez.

Me: No, I don’t need timers, I can magically sense when it is done. I am just THAT good. (under my breath so she didn’t hear me): psycho I am going to throw my waffle in your face

WNL: I mean geezus there are A LOT of people here wanting waffles. You can’t hog the waffle machine!

She was terrible people, she was just crazy and very obnoxious about the waffle machine. Who knew that waffles would bring out the worst in people?

How do these crazies ALWAYS find me…even on vacation?

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Filed under conflict, Crazies, family, Uncategorized

A Rating of the Hostage

stars

The Hostage survived his torture last week.

I cannot give him 4 stars because he was being insubordinate. EVIL HOSTAGE. So, with that being said, I give him a 3 out of 4 stars.

(For those of you that need an explanation; the hostage is my baby sister’s Boy and we took him as a hostage while the Hubby was out of town so we could eat something besides cereal.)

His food was great, he kept up on conversations and he even did some dishes.

I like this.

I think I will keep him, except I am going to glue his mouth shut. FOREVER. He has no right to talkback because it is his JOB to serve us.

I did tell him though, thanks to you faithful readers, that I think we might have a new business on our hands. I even told him I would go 70/30 with him. It could be called RENT A HOSTAGE. I am FULL of great ideas!

Conversation with the Hostage:

Me (a bit too excitedly): I will do all the marketing, writing, and web design (cause I am amazing like that) and all you have to do is all the work, i.e. cooking, cleaning. Not too bad, right?

Hostage (skeptical): Is that right?

Me: Yea, I mean, it would be awesome. You’d have a lot of work, make some money and I will manage you cause I am the brains behind this business. (I mean that is why I got my MBA, right? Totally genius material here)

Hostage: Yea, I just don’t think it would work.

I think I am on to something here….anyone want to be my financial backer?

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Filed under I am a genius