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Worst Case Scenario…

sick1

During the visit with our Aunt we asked how our cousins were doing. If you can recall, these cousins are HILARIOUS.  One of their previous conversations consisted of this: Kids say the funniest things… ! So you can imagine my excitement to hear how they were doing.

My Aunt said she called to check on how the kids were doing. Apparently, Cousin Brother wasn’t feeling so good and had recently just finished reading the Twilight series….

Aunt: How are you doing?

Cousin Brother: Not so great. I feel awful.

Aunt: What do you think is wrong?

Cousin Brother: Well, I am concerned actually because I fear the worst.

Aunt: What do you mean?

Cousin Brother: Well, I hate the light and the sun hurts my eyes. I have to stay in the dark.

Aunt: Hmmmm

Cousin Brother: I fear I may be turning into a vampire!

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Land mines, vacuuming, and checking your email…

poo

Me: Should we straighten the house?

Hubby: I guess so.

Me: Ok, I will do the cat litter and vacuum and you should really do Poop Patrol outside cause it looks like the backyard is full of poop, instead of dirt.

So, being the good Hubby that he is, goes out to clean up the land mines. Without even a complaint!

And that is when I get out the vacuum cleaner, plug it in and set it up in a room, so it can “appear” as though I am about to vacuum. Then I head straight for the office to play on the computer “AKA checking my email.”

I am so lost in the moment of “checking my email” that I didn’t hear Hubby come in.

Hubby (yelling): WHAT are YOU doing?!

As he brings me the bag of collected land mines and swings it in my face.

Me (guiltily): Checking my email. EWWWWW!

Hubby: That is not on the chore list, nor is it a chore!

Me: Of course it is, and I was just taking a “break” anyways.

Hubby: You are so lazy!

Hmmmm I prefer sneaky! 🙂

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Woman Cave!

Lately hubby has been talking about how much he wants his own “man cave” when we buy our first house (which hopefully will be happening in the next year). I told him he is more than welcome to have his own man cave…with whatever he wants in there on one condition….

Hubby: I want a man cave……I want it to have big TVs with recliners and toys.

Me (unfazed): That is fine, as soon as you buy me a house, you can have your man cave. But, I want a woman cave!

Hubby: What is in a “woman cave?”

Me: Remember how we went to go see James Bond this past weekend? Well, M had a perfect woman cave. Mine will be like that! It will have a large Jacuzzi Bathtub with a large TV on the wall with lotions and potions and a maid! And you can come in and serve me chocolate Strawberries…on a tray! 🙂

Did you hear that, Santa? Put that on your list! 

jacuzzi

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The Rules

Hubby and I are lying in bed reading. All of the sudden we hear the noise. The gagging, vomiting of Boston (cat) who previously just finished scarfing down his dry food. (I think he might be bulimic.) We stare at each other in disgust for a moment until I remember the GOLDEN RULE!

Me (proclaiming vehemently):  NOT  IT!

Hubby: What?! Why do I have to do it? I made lunches*!

Me: You know the rules! Whoever cries “not it” first doesn’t have to do it.

Me, Patches and Boston all stare while he (gaggingly) cleans it up.

Hubby: Enjoy the show?

And this, my friends, is why we should not ever have children! Because maturity was never one of my strong suits! J But, clearly, calling NOT IT is in the marriage rulebook—section, how to get out of gross things, right?

 

*Note: Lunches is a most hated task in our household, which whomever has the task can hold over the other in anticipation of getting out of any other hated task, however calling “NOT IT” trumps all—kinda like having a WILD card when playing UNO!

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Meet the Neighbors

Since moving to our new neighborhood, we have met a few of our neighbors. All seem relatively nice and cordial. The neighbors we haven’t met, as of yet, are the ones that live directly behind us. However, we did meet them at about 2am one night, as some of them (highschool age) proceeded to try and jump into our backyard after the cops were called. We solved this problem real fast by letting Patches out, as we told her “Bite their heines!” (I don’t really know if she understood, but she certainly ran around like a psycho barking…..which hopefully startled them enough.) So, in the meantime, we figured they were just kids having parties, while their parents are out of town, no harm in that, right? Well, little did we know that the very next weekend there was another party and another round of cops and some proclamations of “west side, south side.” This time we were armed with all the numbers we needed…HOA, police, etc.

This was all about a month ago, since then it has been relatively peaceful and quiet at 2am on Saturday, which is great. Now the biggest irony is that this “gang house” (which is what I call it) is riddled (no pun intended) with Halloween décor. I mean the decorations are everywhere! Pumpkins, witches, spiders, cobwebs in the window, lights, you name it they have it. I am contemplating dressing up as a gangster and trick or treating, just to see what it is they will pass out!

Perhaps, little toy guns?

 

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