Category Archives: Sisters

My Sister, the Birthday Whore

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Yesterday was my sister, Sar’s, birthday and she was CRAZY. Why, you ask? Well let’s start the list:

1. She thinks everyone has to stop everything because it is HER day….ummm hello? Some people have to work.

2. She thinks she doesn’t get a day, but a whole month…..yea right. Everyone knows that only Christmas babies (AKA me) get a whole month to celebrate their birthdays!

3. She refuses to share birthday celebrations with her Hubby. We ALREADY had birthday bash this weekend…but it was for her Hubby, which means we have to have another birthday bash exclusively for her. CRAZY.

4. Lastly because I get these kinds of emails from her, while at work:

(Clearly, she is delusional and clearly she left off the list the BEST part: ALCOHOL)

So I wanted a healthy dinner tonight. – Chopped salad
Spinach salad
boiled eggs
peppers
cucumbers
cilantro
turkey bacon (i think we have some)
grapes
walnuts
Gorgonzola cheese – or the smoked Gouda chopped up in it.
olives
artichokes
rotisserie chicken – we should just buy and cut some of the flavorful chicken in the salad – yum
good salad dressing – I really want the cilantro dressing from trader joe’s – maybe i’ll run by and pick some up on my way home.
And anything else good you can think of to add
french bread with olive oil (we have the olive oil)

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Sisterly Love

sisters

Rae: Do my homework!

Me: No

Rae: Write me a cover letter for work….puhlease?

Me: No

Rae: PUHHHHHH LEASE…

Me: What will you give me?

Rae: Whore.

Me: Slut.

Rae: I hate you.

Me: I hate you more.

Rae: DO IT

Me: Give me presents!

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Crowdings and Body Bubbles

bubble

Rae and I were talking tonight and I realized just how similar we are. It’s a little scary.

Rae: Yea, I had to drop the boy back at home last weekend cause he was crowding me….and I hate being crowded and I was sick of sharing my bed.

Me: I know EXACTLY what you mean. Hubby crowds me all the time. He is so needy and totally invades my personal bubble.

Rae: I know, right. They are such women! So needy like. Wanting to cuddle and crap.

Me: I know, what is with that? I came home today and Hubby was attached to my hip. I wanted to send him to his mother in Texas. Just so I could have a break.

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Mean Girls

mean-girls

My sisters are mean. This time BOTH of them. Today, as you know, is President’s Day, but do I get it off at my place of work? NO! How RUDE!

This is what I get to enjoy from my mean, evil sisters.

Text from Sar at 10pm:

Sar: Do you get tomorrow off?

Me: NO.

Sar: HA HA I do! I get to sleep in. Sucks to be you.

Me: HATE YOU.

Then later on, Rae is practically SKIPPING through the house last night (which is a rarity, considering she is usually so melancholy–must have something to do with the boy being around now)

Rae: HA HA HA I get to sleep in tomorrow.

Me: I hate you!

Rae: LA LA LA. I am going to relax ALL DAY!

Is it possible, to quit both of my sisters? Can I request NEW SISTERS? I don’t like the ones I have anymore!

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The Genius Pair and My Mean Sister

fighting-sisters

My sister, Free Sister is mean.

Here is what happened.

My dad was visiting from out of town and we had just driven into the driveway after having lunch, when my dad gets out of the car (mind you with they keys still running in the ignition).

Me: DAD! Did you mean to leave your keys in the car, with the engine running. (Senile, much? Sorry Dad)

Dad (incredulous): OH NO! Don’t shut your door! Whoa, good going! Glad I didn’t lock myself out of the car with the engine running because my spare set of keys are at home!

Me (knowing I had just SAVED the day): Yea, good thing, I noticed…I was thinking you must be crazy!

So, as I am getting out of the car, I realize that I may be senile too.

Me: OH NO!

Dad: What?

Me: I don’t have my house keys on me cause we took your car, and I just didn’t think about it!

Dad (chuckles): Oh no, what are we going to do?

I then call Sar and her Hubby, realizing they are both at work. CRAP! Then I call Rae, my mean sister, knowing the mere idea of getting in the car to come rescue me is the LAST thing she would ever want to do. She doesn’t like to help people because she is a PEOPLE HATER, she HATES everyone. (Whatcha gonna do Rae?)

Me: RAE! Where are you? I locked myself out of the house! And I need you to come home and let us in.

Rae: YOU STUPID SLUT! GUESS YOU ARE STUCK OUTSIDE!

Me: RAE! Get your sorry ass down here and let us in!

Rae: YOU ARE SO STUPID; I am NOT driving all that way!

Me: OH YES YOU ARE!

Well you get the gist of our fight over the phone. Anyways, she finally DID come home and let us in, but she did have the crazed psycho look in her eyes (you know, the one killers have–those of you that passed the serial killer test know what I mean).

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Me: Thanks, Rae! You saved the day!

Rae: I HATE YOU!

Me: You are just the nicest sister ever.

Rae: I HATE people AND I am on my period.

And that my friends, is why you should stay away from the MEAN SISTER when she is on the rag. She is scary!

(Hopefully, I will be around to blog after this…if she doesn’t kill me, but that is why you don’t mess with a blog crazy sister–blog paybacks can get real nasty)

Love ya, Rae! 🙂

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Free Sister

The baby sis has been feeling left out for lack of blog incorporation time. I guess everyone wants their 1 minute of fame. Well, here goes.

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FOR SALE:

One lazy sister, who doesn’t put her dishes in the dishwasher. She also doesn’t do what I say. Maybe you can train her, but she is obstinate and crabby. I do not know where she gets this from being that I am an amazing, giving sister. She will occasionally clean if you go all Miss Hannigan on her. Sometimes. She mostly hides in her room and reads or sometimes you can catch her on Myspace. If she sounds like something you can use, and you always wanted a sister, today is your lucky day. If you call today, I will throw in a free t-shirt.

All offers accepted. She is free to a good home. No questions asked.

Call 1-800-Fresis

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The Tear in Time (AKA Groundhog Day)

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So, Friday morning was the worst.morning.ever. Here’s what happened.

Thursday night my sisters and I hung out. It was a fun night, however Rae was supposed to go with Sar to pick up some pizza and movies, but instead she made me go. This started the downward spiral in events.

Sar: Where’s your keys? You need to lock the front door.

Me: No I don’t; Rae is there.

Sar: GO GET YOUR KEYS AND LOCK THE DOOR!

Me: EH, fine. (Got the keys, locked the door)

Once we got back to the house, I had Sar grab my keys and unlock the front door, since my hands were clearly full with pizza and movies. And that was the end of a fun night of pizza and hanging out.

Now, fastforward Friday morning at aproximately 6:30 am.

I am almost out the door headed to work. Saying bye to the pets, and grabbing the keys. WAIT! WHERE ARE MY KEYS? Panic sets in. Then I remember Sar had them last, so I call her thinking she must have put them somewhere in the house. SOMEWHERE.

I call Sar. NO ANSWER. Great.

I call again. This time she answers.

Me: WHERE ARE MY KEYS.

Sar: How should I know what you do with your keys?

Me: Because you had them last! Remember you used them to open the door last night?!

Sar: Oh yeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh. Hmmm I am driving, but they “might” be in my purse.

Me: OH MY GOSH. Well you need to come back here then.

Sar: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I am halfway to work. (she works really far away)

Me: I have no choice. I could take Hubby’s car, but I still need all my work stuff and gate pass that is in MY car that is locked in the garage. OMG, I CANNOT believe you stole my keys!

So, after much bickering back and forth, she drives back and gives me my keys. Two hours later she is still driving to work…..texting me, telling me she hates me. But, WHO was the stupid one that put MY keys in her purse?

And after placing much blame on each other for the rest of the day, we discovered that ultimately it was Rae’s fault for not going with Sar in the first place. Because of that one decision, on Rae’s part, it caused a “tear in the universe” according to Sar, setting everything to be out of order and ass backwards for the rest of the day. Much like the movie Groundhog Day.

Moral of Story: Don’t ever let Sar near your keys. EVER. Or it could result in a tear in your universe ,as you know it, and you might end up  forever stuck in Groundhog Day.

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