Category Archives: work

Is it Friday, yet?

This is the longest week EVER! I just want it to end!

This is so me….and then I am slapped back into reality.

long-week

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2 Comments

Filed under Life, work

How HARD is it?

 laziness

Another OH SO FUN Monday at work. Tell me why I have to deal with nutjobs? Please, tell me what I did….

So, I am sending out a link to a website to our committee members to review their stuff. Here’s my problem:

1. They wait til the last minute to review their materials, how do I know because I can tell when the stuff has been opened. (I looked at the link)

2. They then proceed to call me about an hour before the meeting, telling me they can’t “access the website” (PS I SENT THEM THE LINK and TESTED the link)

3. They tell me they can’t review their items because they can’t find where they are supposed to get those said items (PS I SENT THEM THE DIRECT LINK)

4. They email me telling me where they think the items they need to review “might” be located, but for some reason, they can’t find them (PS i sent them the link)

5. They tell me that they can’t find the email where I sent them the link (PS I sent them the link 3 times…..)

I give up….

6 Comments

Filed under I am a genius, work

Would you like a cup of PSYCHO with that?

 happy-people

Yesterday morning, a friend and I went to Starbucks to get some caffeine. After the crap that happened yesterday morning, I thought the jolt of caffeine could be useful. Little did I know what was awaiting me on the other side of the counter….but Mr. PSYCHO, WAY TOO HAPPY, Starbucks guy. Being the cynic that I am, I couldn’t help but ask him about his jolliness at this ungodly hour in the morning!

Starbucks Psycho Guy on Crack (WAAAAAAY To Chipper): Hey there! How are YOU guys? What can I get you? Isn’t it a BEAUTIFUL morning? What a WONDERFUL day!

Me (incredulous at his audacity to be happy): WHOA! You are way too happy right now! Do you chow down on coffee beans?

Starbucks Psycho Guy on Crack (smiling so big, I think he might pull a muscle): Oh No! I don’t even DRINK coffee!

Me (ready to jump the counter and kill him): BUT, you work at Starbucks! What time do you wake up and go to sleep at night?

Starbucks Psycho Guy on Crack: I go to bed at midnight and get up at 2:30am.

Friend: But that is like 2.5 hours of sleep.

Starbucks Psycho Guy on Crack : I know, life is just so grand! I am just so happy and blessed and I LOVE my job!

Me (LOUDLY): You are just WAY too happy.

Exiting Starbucks

Friend: Your smile, as he was talking, was so fake. I thought you were going to jump the counter and really strangle that guy!

Me: The thought DID cross my mind. I just hate happy people.

7 Comments

Filed under Crazies, work

Work Quirks

working

I must confess, I am a people avoider. I shouldn’t have to explain much, other than the fact that I attract those with the KRZY vibe. That being said, I have to take precautions. Since some of you seem to be like me, I thought I would share my tactics because you never know what we can learn from each other. Feel free to share a couple of yours, if they are good ones. 🙂

How to Effectively Avoid People

1. I usually use the stairs. Stairs equal less people.

2. When I do use the elevator, I usually try and press the “door close” button right away. You don’t want to get stuck in the elevator with people and have to use small talk. Ugh that is a killer. Like I care what you did this weekend.

3. Sometimes I have to go hide in the bathroom. Just to get some peace.

4. Caller Id is the best thing ever invented. I swear, I wasn’t at my desk….

5. Uh huh. Yes, I agree. You are so right on that one! I can definately see your point. Are all phrases you should use when you want someone to think you agree with what they are saying. This, in the long term, gets them out of your office faster.

6. Find hiding spots for lunch, breaks and nap time. Otherwise, people will attack you during your break time with projects.

7. Sometimes it is ok to hide under your desk.

8. Being sick at work is a good thing because it keeps the masses away. Think of it like your own personal bug spray.

9. It is important to feign ignorance because you don’t want people to think you are too smart, they will only ask you to do more.

10. Pretending to use a cellphone is key. I pretend to check my voicemail in the elevator, when people get in. I pretend to use my cellphone at my desk. I pretend to use my cellphone wherever I go….that way, I appear busy, unavailable. This equals no time for small talk. Use it to your advantage.

5 Comments

Filed under humor, work

In the Zone…

lazy

(NOTE: Boston refused to give us the royalty check for this picture. This is the position we find him in when we come home)

Yes, I will fully admit it. I am one of the laziest people I know. So, when I decided I would start getting up at 4:30am (psycho) every morning to get a good parking spot ( saving money) and workout, most of my friends and family laughed at me. But, I would have laughed at myself too because I know that I am lazy. For instance, I will call Hubby to bring me a water when I am standing two feet away from the fridge because I feel like he needs to feel useful.

So, the mere fact that I have kept up with this (without making up excuses) is amazing. Really. Truly. It isn’t that I am not motivated, I just get bored easily. ( I think it is cause I am the smartest person in the world–no, really…I am)

The irony is that I think I will keep this up. I mean, besides the getting out of bed part (my pillows are so comfy AND it is dark outside), I am actually enjoying myself once I get to the exercise room. I am actually finding myself to feel energized and I am amazingly witty in the morning (yea, this is a rarity as we all know I am no morning person); I guess I should thank the endorphins. I also have new found energy and besides feeling old, barely being able to lift my arms and feeling like my legs can barely support me after I exercise….I think that I can keep this thing up.

You want to know my secret?

Britney Spears, baby. Yea, that is right….she gets me through the eliptical, bike machine, treadmill, and arm machines. I love her. So, I must dedicate my new-found passion, increase in brain power, and ability to get up in the morning to Britney.

Special Note: Thanks to Hubby for making me a mix cd of all Britney’s music.

JIVE RECORDS RELEASE BRITNEY SPEARS 4TH ALBUM IN THE ZONE

10 Comments

Filed under exercise, lazy, work

Getting Up Early Delusions

sleep

So, in order to make our money go further, I have decided I should give up parking at work and find parking elsewhere. However, this requires getting up early, and as we all should know by this point, I am not a morning person, but usually when I set my mind to something ….I can accomplish it. So, here’s what happened.

On our car trip home this weekend:

Me: I am totally getting up early tomorrow to get a good spot at work and workout!

Hubby: Uh huh, sure.

Me: WHAT! I can get up early!

Hubby: How early?

Me: Ummm I think an hour earlier than I usually do, so 4:30 maybe.

Hubby: HAAAA HAAA HAAA THAT will never happen.

Me: Rude! I can totally do it to save us money.

Fastforward to yesterday morning 5:45am…

Didn’t make that 4:30 wake up call yet…..I think I will try for tomorrow….maybe.

I can do this, right?

8 Comments

Filed under Weird Info about me, work

Sanity in the Workplace…

office-space

I received this forward today. It was just too good, not to pass on. I am especially partial to Numbers 2, 4, and 10.

And yet, I should totally try some of these tomorrow. Because if one more person asks me if I am “sick” I think I will just hack on them directly and tell them, no I just cough and talk like I am all clogged up for “fun!”

How to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity in the Workplace

1. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.

2. Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you’re doing. For example: “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom.”

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask them if they want fries with that.

4. Put your trash can on your desk. Label it “IN.”

5. Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. “That’s a good point, Spike.” “No, I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to disagree with you there, Sparky.”

6. High-light your shoes. Tell people you haven’t lost them as much since you did this.

7. While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Madge.

8. Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way.

9. Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you’re waiting for your document.

10. Send e-mail back and forth to yourself engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.

11. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.

12. Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.

13. Send e-mail messages saying there’s free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, “Oh, you’ve got to be faster than that.”

14. Put decaf in the coffeemaker for three weeks. Once everyone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.

15. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after you boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is of a different gender than you.)

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Filed under work