Tag Archives: babies

The “B” Word

babies

Ok, so I have another confession: I dislike babies.

I don’t understand them and I don’t like them. I recently found my long, lost twin sister in blog land, (ok she isn’t my real twin sister, but it seems like IF I met her, she and I would hit it off immediately) her recent blog:  baby talk (conversations with my mother). sums up my feelings on this topic EXACTLY.

It isn’t that I HATE them, it is just that I don’t understand them and everyone’s obsession with it being “my turn.” NO PEOPLE. I do not want to spawn offspring. I know they will be of the devil. I was a demon child, and I know that if I were to have a child, mine would be a thousand times as horrid as I was. No.thank.you. I don’t mind kids once they are 5-6 years old because at least then they can tell you what they want, and they go to school, but babies, all they do is eat, sleep and poop and quite frankly that is my sole ambition in life, so the competion in itself would kill me.

And who needs that kind of competition anyways? Not me.

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Filed under fears

Where do Babies Come From?

babies

(Note: The following conversation is, IN FACT, a real conversation. It really DID happen, and I did not make one bit of it up! I did, however, change the name to protect his identity…although he probably won’t talk to me after this anyway)!

Since Hubby is away this week, I will have to find other people to torment…and I can think of one person, in particular, that I have been meaning to torment via blog. One of my FAVORITE friends from WAAAAAYYYY back. For the purpose of this blog, let’s call him Hacim. Hacim and I went to highschool together and have known each other for a VERY long time. (I think he would say we have known each other too long). I consider him one of my best friends, although he would proably say he doesn’ t think of me that way, but it is just a cover. He would be quite sad without me. Isn’t that right, Hacim? 🙂

Well, when we were in college Hacim, myself, and my roomates had a VERY interesting conversation one night. It went something like this. (FYI–My memory is very accurate when it comes to this and I think you will see why). 

Me: Hey, Hacim do you know where babies come from? (He didn’t take Advanced Bio 3-4 like the rest of us smarty pants, so I thought I would make fun of him—hey I used to be smart!)

Hacim: Of course, I do. They come from a boy and a girl when they do stuff together.

My Roomate: Oh yea, but where do they come out?

Hacim: Well, the girl grows another hole somewhere down there (pointing down).

Me and Roomie (trying to contain our laughter, but failing MISERABLY): What do you mean…”grows another hole?”

Hacim (clearly getting angry): Well, HOW should I know, I am not a girl. They just grow another hole and the baby pops out, right!?

Me and Roomies burst into a fit of giggles.

Fast forward 12 years later:

Me (sing song like–in front of his new girl): Hey Hacim, WHERE DO BABIES COME FROM?

Hacim: Shut the eff up!

His Girl: What is this story?

Me: I can fill you in, see it all happened one day in college….

Hacim(rolling eyes): Shut up!

I don’t think he will EVER, EVER live this down. EVER. Gotta love memories, right Hacim? 🙂

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Filed under College friends, humor, Universty of Arizona