Tag Archives: laughter

Fighting 101

boyfriends

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The Hostage

hostage

Hubby will be away all week at a conference and I am taking a prisoner hostage.

Side Note: a little sadness, but I get the bed to myself. Just not sure who to torment yet…maybe Rae.

So, I told Rae we are hijacking her Boy to come cook for us all week. I told him under no certain terms that I don’t feel like eating cereal for the whole week, so we need someone to come and take care of us! Me and Rae WOULD REALLY eat cereal all week–chocolate chex to be exact.

The Boy better be scared, we want a home-made dinner on the table everynight! Hubby does not envy the Boy at all and told me I better not torment him since he has quasi-agreed to come over and make us dinners.

Poor Boy, stuck with the two non-cooking, lazy sisters…poor, poor Boy indeed.

I wonder if I can get him to do some housechores? Maybe I will leave him a chore list!  🙂

UPDATE: Hostage is in house now, sleeping. Rest up my pretty, because we are expecting a full course dinner tonight!

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Advice 101

Someone recently asked me how Hubby and I make it work. I racked my brain for some thought-provoking, amusing, logical answer and then I ran upon this comic, which sums it up way better than I could.

How Hubby and I make marriage work:

love

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Wii you be my friend?

mii

I have a new addiction (this is not good).

I now am obsessed with getting friends for my wii. It is ironic because I am SO not the person that even wants friends in real life (too much work), but on the wii…well that is a different story. Ever since we went to visit Hacim. He got me addicted to Mario Kart, which I suck at by the way, and renewed my love for Dr. Mario. He then proceeded to tell me that we can play wii with each other from our perspective different states.

Me: I need more friends for my wii WFC channel.

Hubby: You are ridiculous, you don’t even have that many friends in real life.

Me: I know, but in real life you have to maintain your friends, in wii land, it is completely different.

Hubby: You are a wii Dork.

Oh.my.gosh.  I didn’t think it possible, but now I am even more in LOVE with my wii.

So, the other night, Hubby and I played with Hacim and his girl for over 3 hours straight….until I thought my eyes would fall out. They both whooped our butts in Mario Kart, so much so that it was embarrassing. Hacim’s special talent is to wait a few paces from the winning line and then right as we are almost there…pass it. JERK. I hate him.

So, then we played a couple of rounds of Dr. Mario, because I RULE at that. Made both of them cry.

How do I know? Because I could just feel their tears through my screen. Plus they like to kill themselves when they are losing. Kinda like a martyr tactic, I suppose. 

Anyways, would you like to be my wii friend? Just let me know…and then I can play all of you out there in the blogosphere.

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Peep Show: A Tell All

peeps2

 

Well, as many of you may or not know, Hubby and I have been together for awhile now. So long, in fact, that I feel as though I can provide (some of) you with a humorous glance at love and marriage with a twist of sarcasm and humor. Hubby had requested me to allow him to do a post on my blog, allowing him to tell his side of the story. At first, I scoffed at him and told him to get his own blog. This is my special place, with my special followers (that is YOU, dear readers, in case you didn’t realize); but then I realized that (a select few) of you were interested in what he has to say ( I still can’t figure out why), so in determination not to be one-upped by him, I decided to tell those of you that wanted to know…whatever you wanted to know about us. My plan is simple. Spill all of our (my) dark secrets before he gets to….so here is an answer to your questions. 

1.   What am I most scared of?

Well, I have a lot of irrational fears, but the thing I am most scared of…the thing that makes me tremble with fear, almost wet my pants, and cause me to dash under the bed in hiding is (wait for it)……the Ice Cream man. I can’t explain or rationalize it, but you can read more about it here: Irrational Fears and the Ice Cream Man.

2.       How did Hubby and I meet?

Hubby and I met at the University of Arizona, when we were in College. He loved me from the minute he saw me; I was (and still am) witty, smart, sarcastic, humor-filled, cute, kept him on his toes, and not interested in him. All things he wanted….but couldn’t have. I had just come out of a long relationship with another Texan that I met at a camp on the East Coast, which ended horribly, might I add. I was definitely wary of Texans and their conniving ways. Hubby and I became friends, but I was still not interested. He persisted in asking me to come see theatre with him, and I continuously shot him down, telling him I had a date: with my roommate (who was a girl by the way). Eventually, I started feeling bad for Hubby, and decided to go on a date with him. Mostly because he was so tenacious, I like non-quitters (probably because, at this point, I definitely would have given up asking me anything….but I get bored easy). Anyways, I found I had fun with him and he was kinda funny too, and a smart ass, much like myself so I continued to date him. We got pretty serious, even though I told him all kinds of stuff to keep him away, especially when he would take off in the summer for theatre stock (theatre camp). For instance, I would tell him–you know, it isn’t considered cheating if you live in different zip codes. So you do what you want, and I will do what I want….he didn’t fall for it….even though I still believe in the different zip code rule! So, we ended up dating, broke up once, got back together and eventually got married. Like anyone else, we have our ups and downs. Sometimes I want to kill him and sometimes I am sure he wants to kill me, but what it comes down to is that we get each other and I think he would be bored without me and my sass.

 3.    What is the most memorable moment that made us laugh so hard that pants-peeing was inevitable; and would we like this memory to disappear? Why or why not?

Well, as far as piss-peeing moments I have had a few, but as far as together….I can think of something. Hubby and I were visiting his sister and family in Texass. We were all hanging out at one of his Mother’s childhood friend’s house (so there was a group of people there) when I suddenly got the urge for a Pepsi. I love Pepsi, and would get very cranky without my caffeine intake, so Hubby being the good Hubby decided to take me out to a convenience store to get one. On the way back, I suddenly got the craving for some “ice cream” (note: ice cream can be a code name for mattress mambo, sorry mom). Fast forward about 20 minutes. At this point, we have been gone (probably a little too long for a Pepsi) for a bit, but we had our Pepsi (fact) and ice cream cover (fiction). So, we are headed back into the house and all eyes turn to us. Where have YOU been everyone asks….and we begin our storytelling. (It is here where I should mention, I am the worst liar you will ever meet. I am just not good at it unless I practice). However, we were quickly shot down by his Dad who practically shouted: SON, why is your shirt inside out? It was at this point, that Hubby turned a shade of red that was the color of a tomato and quickly shrugged his shoulders and looked like he wanted to die right there. I quickly burst into laughter and nearly pissed my pants. How did I not notice that? Irregardless, we were laughed at for long time after that one. Now, whenever we visit his family I am not allowed to go on ice cream runs…..

And no, I don’t need this memory to disappear; it is moments like these that I live for…..although Hubby might disagree.

4.    Do we have quirk that one of us finds endearing to each other, but annoys other people?

Hmmm a quirk that we each think is endearing? I know of a lot of quirks that Hubby has that annoys me…but together? Hmmm. I would have to say that a quirk that Hubby has that I think is endearing is his ability to create, build and make stuff out of nothing. It is especially cool when he makes me something cool. Like a Kitty Hut, The Rules Continued. Note: stupid grad school projects don’t count as something cool, especially when he tries to pass the random crap off to me like he made me a treasure: not cool. How this may annoy other people is that when Hubby gets in his “I know how to fix it mode” it’s his way or the highway. So, if anyone else has an opinion on how to do something, well, my advice is to steer clear. He also snores, shakes his leg constantly if we are sitting (this drives me CRA.ZY) and is a bed hog. All things that annoy me, and only me.

5.  What is the one memory of the two of us that stands out most in your mind?

I would have to say the memory that stands out most in my mind is going to the coast in Texass. Every year, Hubby’s family goes down to Padre Island and rents a condo here: http://www.ccislandhouse.com/index.htm.

They have been going there since Hubby was very small, and I absolutely LOVE going there. When Hubby and I go, we have the most relaxing time. We get to talk on the sea wall, hang out on the beach, feed the seagulls, swim in the ocean, and eat “ice cream”….ha ha ha ha. My most favorite memory is the nighttime strolls on the beach and our Putt Putt competitions because those are the times we get to spend together talking, dreaming and conspiring together. During the week, we often will go out, just the two of us and play Putt Putt. Even though that seems simple enough, I enjoy it because it is our time alone to hang out, enjoy the island breezes and just talk. We have been doing it for over 8 years now, and even though we don’t get to do it every year, I love it more than anything. It is our special place and I love it because it holds such great memories.

6.  How did you end up getting married, romantic coercion or proposal?

A bit of both. Hubby actually proposed, in case you missed it The Marriage Proposal. I thought I was getting a Harry Potter Golden Snitch Lamp! Instead, I got a ring AND the Harry Potter Lamp! Life is good!

7.  Have you ever given Hubby a Dutch Oven?

Are you kidding me? Who hasn’t, although, I am not as clever at trapping him as he is me…..but the difference is he blames the dog. I take credit for mine.

P.S. If you didn’t see an answer to a question you asked, perhaps that illustrious Hubby of mine will provide you with an answer. Perhaps.

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Peep Show

peep_show

As Hubby ponders his mysterious guest post blog, I thought I would help him along with my own blog about what you, dear readers, might like to know about our relationship, Hubby, or myself (we all know I am the most interesting-no ego here).

Think of it like your own private peep show into our lives….get your mind out of the gutters!

This way I can get the deep, dark secrets out of the way before Hubby tells you some whacked out version of a story that I know not to be true. Not that I don’t trust him, but you know…Hubby sometimes can be very evil and I have no idea why. ( I still wonder who he learned his evil ways from, being as innocent and naiive as I am). And not that I have any deep, dark secrets… I just like to keep my best interests in mind—I am good like that.

So, dear readers, list some things you would like to know in the comments section about us….and I will answer them as thorougly and intimately as I can. I mean, as you all already know, our life is an open book (whether Hubby likes it or not) and my side of the story is always right…….always.

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Girls Rule….

i-told-you-soIf only Hubby would realize, that we (girls) are by far the superior sex….but no, for some reason boys have to learn the hard way, I guess.

Question is: will they EVER learn?

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Google and My Popular Blog

google4

So, I have now been at this blogging thing for awhile now, long enough to consider myself knowledgeable–not yet genius level. Yet. Recently, I have noticed that I get a lot of traffic from being googled. That doesn’t bother me, but the things people type in order to find me are strange to say the least.  Very strange, does this reflect upon me? You know, like I can Google CRAZY and my name pops up? That is just amazing.

Here are some of them from yesterday. Do you get weird Google searches too, or is it just me? I know, I am weird and all, but that’s why you love me, right? And my amazing sense of humor.  

My thoughts are in italics.

Fail –I do like to talk about failing.

home early morning—Early morning? I don’t do mornings.

fail?—Yea, I get it, I am a failure.

your my favorite crazy ass bitch—Hubby, did you search for me this way?

birthday fail—what is with all the failure, people?

husband & wife cartoon—I am all about cartoons. LOVE EM.

broken wedding rings—Is this symbolic of Hubby and me? Are we broken? I see it more like unique.

money tree—I wish someone would find one for me.

stress reduction kit—stress, what is that?

Strange Husband—Yup, I agree.

pics of grown-ups bebies—Huh? Not the B word….

tee ten gee—WTF?

shamwow guy—Thanks, Lori. I know who he is now!

sisters figting—My crazy sisters…yup

Push—hmmm, like shove? I do push people….

funny looking marriage pics—Well, Hubby is a little funny looking.

narnia stone knife—Huh? I am lost here. I don’t think I have ever blogged about Narnia or knifing someone. Yet.

getting up early—Again, the bane of my existence

17th black mourning dress—Black is my favorite color. Black equals death.

fail pictures—I get it, really I do. Everyone finds me through the word FAIL.

bed hog fix—Yup, that is my dog and Hubby.

is elmira ny a good place to leave—Elmira is my town. MMMM Pudgies.

Where do babies come from—Hacim still doesn’t know…

no bills wanted—Can this be my motto when getting the mail?

Crazy people are eating me—DUDE, stay away….

 

 

 

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TBA, on the Worse Half’s Blog

boss

Hubby’s a little scared. (And shy)

He feels a little overwhelmed by all of your excitement to read his innermost thoughts (well only some of you expressed excitement). Also fyi, he is not the best writer, so I will probably have to proof his guest post anyway.

However, he IS excited to let you in on his inner most secrets about being married to the most wonderful, beautiful, coolest, self-sacrificing, chore doing, best listner, patient and most amazing wifey that anyone could ever ask for EVER. He might even tell you the secret to finding someone as amazing as me. Or he might just tell you once you find that amazing someone….take them to Vegas, get them drunk, and marry them.

Well ok, maybe it didn’t happen EXACTLY like that….but I guess we will have to wait to see what he has to say.

Until then, I will hold my (bated) breath in anticipation with the rest of you. I guess you will just have to keep checking in to see when he feels the need to inpart his words of wisdom to the masses. After all, he did go to Yale– however, I pretty much wrote his thesis….

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Marriage Myths DEBUNKED

marriage

In honor of Valentine’s Day, I thought I would submit this post. Just keeping it real! 🙂

 

Myth #1: When you get married, you wear lingerie to bed every night.

ANSWER: FICTION- Mostly you wear your old, torn up tee-shirts, ratty shorts and your granny panties.

Myth #2: When you are married, you moisturize and shave your legs every night.

ANSWER: HA HA, do I really need to answer this? FICTION

Myth #3: You fall asleep in each other’s arms every night.

ANSWER: DEPENDS-on if you want to be hit in the middle of the night…Hubby is a bit of a hitter in his sleep.

Myth #4: The wifey presses, folds, and irons the Hubby’s clothes every night before bed.

ANSWER: FICTION-unless you want your clothes burned.

Myth#5: Married life is all flowers, white picket fences, and fancy dinners.

ANSWER: DEPENDS-At times it is, but it takes a lot of work and a lot of money! Neither of which we have accomplished as of yet.

Myth#6: Marry your best friend.

ANSWER: FACT-However, you don’t have to be BFF’s all the time, but be willing to be there for each other–that’s what counts!

Myth#7: Hubbys’ will pretend they hate it, but they really do like The Hills, The Bachelor, Ghost Whisperer and other girlie shows/chick flicks.

ANSWER: FACT-However, they will deny it and just feign that they want to spend time with you, when in fact they ARE interested in anything chick like, but would rather die than admit it.

Myth#8: Hubbys’ require “man caves” (AKA-basement or garage) to feel more “manly”

ANSWER: FACT-They need to do this to recover from things that are girlie (tv shows and such) and bang around on their tools….somehow, it does make them feel more manly….don’t know why.

Myth#9: If you are married and the wife, you should prance around in the kitchen in nothing but your heels and apron, while making your Hubby dinner.

ANSWER: FICTION-Hi, have you MET me? Obviously, this was a freebie.

Myth#10: When you get married, you have long nights of passion and romance.

ANSWER: This can only be explaned via the following conversation:

Hubby: Hey baby!

Me: MMM I am sleepy.

Hubby: But you just showered and shaved your legs….

Me: I am saving it for marriage…

Hubby: You ARE married..to me!

Me: The sheets are clean….

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