Tag Archives: mornings

4 AM Wakeup Call

cat-alarm

4:00 AM wakeup call on my furlough day. NOT COOL.

MEOW!   MEOW!   MEOW!

Americus started the ruckus by swinging at the blinds in our room, over my head. I tried not to move. Any signs of movement….and they will pounce, if they notice. I believe the cats sit up on on their hind legs, extend a paw, slash the blinds and stare at my head….waiting for signs of movement. If they see that their efforts are in vain, then they begin phase 2: stomach walking (crushing) and licking of eyelids–that usually does the trick, movement is unavoidable. Trust me on this one, sandpaper tongue on your eyelids isn’t the best feeling.

It is SO on……

Demons.

Score:

Pets: 2    Me: 0

Why don’t they do this when Hubby is here?

6 Comments

Filed under Pets, Torture

The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Morning

bad-day

I am having the WORST morning that ever existed. Truly. Also part of last night. Let’s start from the top.

Strike 1

Upon arriving home last night from drinking, I was too tired to eat what the Hostage had prepared (I had already eaten, anyways, but that doesn’t matter). I immediately decided I would go to bed SINCE I had been at work for 12. 5 hours (doesn’t matter if I didn’t work the whole time) AND had been up since 3:30 (ungodly). So, there I am, starting to count sheep drifting off to lullaby land when our house phone starts ringing, jolting me out of my bliss. NOT.PRETTY.

It was Hubby, but for some reason the phones weren’t working or something (I have no idea) so he literally called the house about 5 times, everytime, I was nearly asleep. I.wanted.to.kill.him.

Strike 2

I wake up from nightmares at 1am. Not going into detail here because my sister will try and analyze them and they were just NOT.PRETTY. Don’t know why this happened, they were more like comedic, twisted nightmares—all the detail I care to share right now as they still scare me. Really hard to fall back asleep.

Strike 3

!&###! The alarm clock goes of at 3:30AM because I forgot to turn it off yesterday, thus again waking my peaceful sleep. !&###! Not Pretty.

Strike 4

I can’t find Americus, the evil alarm clock cat. Did I see her this morning when I fed her? I can’t even remember. I fed the pets, that part I remember, but that is about it. Feedings in the morning are done in a zombie-like daze. Panic sets in. Did I leave her outside (they get supervised outside time)? Did I shut her in somewhere (I have a tendency to shut her in closets…not on purpose)? Is she in with Rae?

I then spend 27 minutes looking for her, making me late for my workout routine. Still can’t find her. Need to leave. UGH.

Strike 5

The Hostage and Rae have made dishes (from last night) as high as the sky AND left their messes everywhere. This throws me into a crazy, psycho clean freak mode. I can’t deal with messes. All I am saying is, make as many messes as you want, but clean them up, please. I am sure they will clean it up today, but that made the bad witch come out this morning.

Strike 6

I didn’t get to take a shower, so I stink. I was too lazy to take one last night and I assumed I would take one at work, but now I just don’t care. But, my feet are black. Gross.

Strike 7 

The stupid hair straightner that I was going to attempt to use, IF I had taken a shower this morning (cleanliness is overrated), is broken. I thought it was just the outlets, but after plugging it into like 10 outlets around the house, I determined it is broken. Yea, I AM that slow in the mornings.

Strike 8

I am forfeitting my morning workout (gasp) in order to write this blog and because I was late getting to work AND because I fear with the way this morning is going, I will probably just end up breaking something…which might not be a bad thing? This is the first day I have missed in 2 weeks. I feel guilty.

Strike 9

I banged my knee hard on my desk this morning. Please don’t ask me how, I am known for my klutziness. I think my desk bit me, actually.

Strike 10

Hasn’t happened yet, but if it does….I am packing everything up and going home.

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Filed under Life

Getting Up Early for Dummies

early

I thought I would make a list, since I have been so successful. (Not really) But it is the thought that counts, right? Actually, dear readers, you should be proud, as I have managed to get up early and work out for 4 days in a row so far. (Applause, please)

*DO NOT, under any circumstances, hit snooze on your alarm! If you spend too much time contemplating quitting your job, just so you can sleep in a few extra minutes, you might end up broke, homeless, and pillowless. Which would just be sad.

*DO jump out of bed and get moving right away, you may feel like crap for awhile, but it usually goes away. Usually.

*DO NOT take sleeping pills to help you sleep. Just don’t do it. You will not be able to get up.  ( I know from experience).

*DO lay your clothes out the night before, that way you can make sure you don’t leave the house wearing mismatched shoes or anything weird when you are eyes are still glued shut.

*DO NOT try and convince yourself you’re a morning person, you ARE NOT, don’t try and be happy about getting up. Just do it and then make as much noise as possible to annoy those that laugh at you.

*DO get a cat, like the (The Alarm Clock from Hell) so that in the event that you don’t get out of bed in time, you have a back-up plan….or a cat you want to kill.

*DO NOT attempt to be friendly in the morning. There is no point in exerting any additional energy cells that you are lacking due to your sleep deprivation.

*DO get some people to laugh at you and say you won’t be able to do it….sometimes reverse psychology helps motivate a person.

*DO NOT try and convince yourself that this is good–that you are teaching yourself discipline and routine. You are just lying to yourself and your body knows it. And it will get you back.

*DO try and go to bed early the night before. Not that it will make it THAT much easier to get up, but it helps…a little.

4 Comments

Filed under Challenges, lazy, Life

Like Mother, Like Doggy Daughter

Let me paint a picture for you. This morning, I decided to take a personal day from work….I just need it! Mostly because of this:

food

The thought of missing some free food, just doesn’t work for me. Plus, it doesn’t help that my nose is all stuffed up and my head hurts….hopefully that part will go away once I eat.

So, here I am sleeping in….Hubby is sleeping on his side, facing the other direction, when Patches comes running into our room, stares Hubby in the face and BURPS right in his face. And it was loud!

Hubby: Ewwwwwwwwwwwww

Me: THAT was awesome! That’s my girl!

Burp Queen

Burp Queen

7 Comments

Filed under humor, Pets

The Not so fun wake up routine….

This was my cat this morning. He is now not my best friend anymore. Sad story.

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Filed under Pets

Morning NOISE

cranky-early-morning

Lately, Hubby has been getting up really, really, really early to go to work. And we have already established that I AM NOT a morning person…so to be disturbed in my sleep is like waking up a bear from his hibernation. NOT.PRETTY. Of course, Hubby doesn’t think he is being that loud, but to me…sounds like FIREWORKS and MARCHING BANDS are going off in the morning as he slams around in the bathroom, taps his toothbrush, and shuffles about our room. Basically, I am about ready to KILL him. Again, I am just not rational in the morning.

So, sometimes we talk about this at night. I guess, I am hoping maybe he will be quieter or maybe he will realize how annoying he is in the WEE HOURS OF THE A.M. Although I am convinced he makes the morning bangs on PURPOSE because he doesn’t want me to sleep in any longer than he does, but he denies this. LIAR!

Me: In the morning, in my semi-state of consciousness, I dream that I am killing you with each bang you make. You know, like stabbing you like this….(violent stabbing motions are being made)

Hubby (rolling his eyes): I am SO quiet in the morning!

Me: ARE NOT!

Hubby: Waaaaaaaay quieter than you are.

Me: Probably true, but you are still not THAT quiet.

Hubby: I even lay out my clothes the night before, so I don’t make the drawers creek!

Me: You still bang around on purpose to wake me up!

Hubby: And you don’t EVER make noise!

Me: That’s right. That is because I am perfect! J

5 Comments

Filed under humor, husband

The Alarm Clock from Hell: Round 2

It is dark, very dark. Not time to be awake yet, and what do I hear? MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW!

And then, as if the first serenade wasn’t enough……pawing at the blinds, not quietly, but basically playing dominos with them….and right over my head! I am going to kill her; no one can stop me this time! All rationalization has flown the coop. Don’t move! I think to myself….as long as I show no signs of life….she will move on and go terrorize someone else. Don’t move!

I know that dratted alarm clock hasn’t gone off yet….her only saving grace is that it is Friday, otherwise I would feed her to the dog. Really, I am not a violent person….

Me: 0 points

Americus: 10 points

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Filed under Pets