Pets: 3 Me: 1 (chased them all, while wildly flailing my arms)
Pets: 3 Me: 1 (chased them all, while wildly flailing my arms)
4:00 AM wakeup call on my furlough day. NOT COOL.
MEOW! MEOW! MEOW!
Americus started the ruckus by swinging at the blinds in our room, over my head. I tried not to move. Any signs of movement….and they will pounce, if they notice. I believe the cats sit up on on their hind legs, extend a paw, slash the blinds and stare at my head….waiting for signs of movement. If they see that their efforts are in vain, then they begin phase 2: stomach walking (crushing) and licking of eyelids–that usually does the trick, movement is unavoidable. Trust me on this one, sandpaper tongue on your eyelids isn’t the best feeling.
It is SO on……
Pets: 2 Me: 0
Why don’t they do this when Hubby is here?
So, Hubby is out and about again on some consulting work. It is quite exciting really, because I get the bed to myself for 2 weeks. However, I will miss annoying him. The truth is, I already (kind of) miss him…but don’t tell him that!
Whenever Hubby goes out of town, the pets always tend to act up a little. For instance, after getting up at 4:30AM to take Hubby to the airport, I decided to let Patches out quick to go potty and then my plan was to go straight back to bed. However, Americus, had other plans. There I was opening the door for Patches to come back in (just a crack mind you). When out runs Americus.
Me: Americus get back in here!
So, I run out after her, inadvertantly shutting the door behind me, which I had conviently locked. (Not genius material, people)
So there I am outside, locked out, with Americus staring up at me. I wanted to strangle her.
Eventually, I broke in through an open window. However, this is strike one against her. It’s like she KNOWS Hubby is away and figures it is her job to keep me entertained….nice right?
Pets: 1 Me: 0
My sister, Middlechildadvice\’s Blog, got a super special surprise in her Easter Basket this past weekend……
Pretty cute, right?
He is a little vampire though. I forgot how much puppies like to bite! My toes, hair, and fingers are all sore!
I puppysat on Sunday and I am still recovering from it all….
It’s no secret that I love animals.
To get straight to the point, the order of love goes like this: I love my cat Boston, than Patches, than Hubby than Americus–in that order. It isn’t that I DON’T love Hubby, it is just that my pets don’t talk back and they have a tendency to be manipulated with food and favors more easily than Hubby. With this being said, I have learned a few training tactics that I thought I would share with you readers and anyone else who is interested in learning how to handle the difficult husband*.
(*Note: The word husband can be interchanged to be boyfriend, lover, etc., but in my case it directly refers to Hubby)
Here is my GENIUS idea: Write a book or create a television show much like the Dog Whisperer, only I will call it The Husband Whisperer. (Aren’t you glad I got my MBA? I am so amazing with ideas, but the money part, totally lacking…)
Training Tactic 1:
If a situation occurs where the Hubby asks you where his keys or any other item is….DO NOT scamper after him trying to find those items for him. If you do, you are being an ENABLER. Instead, do not acknowledge him and do not stop what you are doing. Instead you must remain silent, ignoring this bad behavior. This is an animal trainer tactic: You don’t reward bad behavior.
Training Tactic 2:
Do not use nagging, a typical last resort wife tactic. Why? Because the more you ask your Hubby to put down the toilet seat, the less he will do it. So, instead start noticing when your Hubby surprises you by doing laundry and thank him profusely; Squeal in delight when he makes you dinner—without being asked, and ALWAYS, ALWAYS praise him for remembering to do an assigned chore or task that is specifically a “boy’s job”. This method is called approximation tactics (I really do watch too much Animal Planet). Also known as the reverse psychology method. This tactic allows you to reward small steps toward a whole new behavior.
Training Tactic 3:
Do try and teach the Hubby to stop doing one bad thing, by associating that thing with another more productive, more positive thing. For example, my Hubby has a tendency to use the computer when I do, especially when I am blogging. This is not normally a problem, because we have two computers, however, he will tend to hover over me and ask me to pass him things while I am trying to type out my amazing thoughts. Not cool, right? So, rather than allow him to continue this bad behavior the key is to give him something else to do, so that if he does follow me into the computer room, I have already plotted out an activity for him to accomplish…such as researching an amazing vacation (Hey! A Wifey can dream) for us or having him work on bills. That way he is lured away from bugging me, and occupied with a different project. This is association theory. Eventually, Hubby will learn to associate my time at the computer with his time to be productive.
I know these tactics seem cruel; but trust me they really DO work because I have been testing them out on Hubby. He, much like the pets, desires to be trained. It is an inner desire to WANT to have some structure and discipline, he just doesn’t realize it all the time. Wife trainers, much like animal trainers, need to learn to reward behavior that is good and ignore behavior that is bad. This is a key tactic to master. Just think about it: You can’t teach your dog to roll over and play dead just by whining and stamping your feet at her, right?
So readers, you are tasked with trying this at home, and let me know how it goes after your trial run. I am interested in determining if I am on to something here…..
Now, don’t misunderstand me. I love Hubby sometimes, I really do (he did not pay or bribe me to say this)! However, it is my job to mold him into the perfect Hubby. You know, someone who might annoy me less and who will do what I say….thus making it easier for me to love him, just like I do the pets! J
I definately have the strangest pets ever. They all have a tendency to copy each other. It is pretty funny. I have no idea why they do this, but I do know that Boston thinks he is a dog and Patches thinks she is a cat and Americus mostly thinks she is a cat too!
Every day when I come home from work, Boston is waiting for me to come home at exactly the right time. How does he know this?
Patches, on the other hand, thinks she is a cat…
So, Boston has to reclaim his chair as soon as she gets up…
Also, Boston refuses to drink from his own water dish…he prefers the dog dish.
So, then Americus see this and must partake too….
Very strange pets, indeed.
LOUD NOISE of dog throwing up next to me in the computer room.
Me (shouting): NOT IT! HUBBY, NOT IT!
Hubby (angrily): That does NOT count!
Me (sweetly, if that is EVEN possible): Yes it does, I need to get in the shower and get ready for bed. (Remember I get up at 4:30, it doesn’t matter that it is only 8pm)
Hubby: It is still early; you have PLENTY of time to clean up the dog throw up.
Me: WHATEVER, you still owe me from when Americus was sick (thankfully she is better now—though we still don’t know what was wrong with her) because I cleaned up LOADS of vomit and poo.
Hubby(clearly exasperated): Uh huh. Well then fine, I will clean this up, but you have to sift the cat litter.
Me (whiney): Please, Hubby! Can’t you do it? I am heading into the shower right now…
10 minutes later
Hubby (NOW YELLING at his cute wifey): Are you STILL on that computer!? You cannot call not it and not even head to the shower!
Me (now yelling because Hubby is yelling): We are in a fight! I am going to write you a hate blog!
Me: Running to shower