Tag Archives: questions

Peep Show: A Tell All

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Well, as many of you may or not know, Hubby and I have been together for awhile now. So long, in fact, that I feel as though I can provide (some of) you with a humorous glance at love and marriage with a twist of sarcasm and humor. Hubby had requested me to allow him to do a post on my blog, allowing him to tell his side of the story. At first, I scoffed at him and told him to get his own blog. This is my special place, with my special followers (that is YOU, dear readers, in case you didn’t realize); but then I realized that (a select few) of you were interested in what he has to say ( I still can’t figure out why), so in determination not to be one-upped by him, I decided to tell those of you that wanted to know…whatever you wanted to know about us. My plan is simple. Spill all of our (my) dark secrets before he gets to….so here is an answer to your questions. 

1.   What am I most scared of?

Well, I have a lot of irrational fears, but the thing I am most scared of…the thing that makes me tremble with fear, almost wet my pants, and cause me to dash under the bed in hiding is (wait for it)……the Ice Cream man. I can’t explain or rationalize it, but you can read more about it here: Irrational Fears and the Ice Cream Man.

2.       How did Hubby and I meet?

Hubby and I met at the University of Arizona, when we were in College. He loved me from the minute he saw me; I was (and still am) witty, smart, sarcastic, humor-filled, cute, kept him on his toes, and not interested in him. All things he wanted….but couldn’t have. I had just come out of a long relationship with another Texan that I met at a camp on the East Coast, which ended horribly, might I add. I was definitely wary of Texans and their conniving ways. Hubby and I became friends, but I was still not interested. He persisted in asking me to come see theatre with him, and I continuously shot him down, telling him I had a date: with my roommate (who was a girl by the way). Eventually, I started feeling bad for Hubby, and decided to go on a date with him. Mostly because he was so tenacious, I like non-quitters (probably because, at this point, I definitely would have given up asking me anything….but I get bored easy). Anyways, I found I had fun with him and he was kinda funny too, and a smart ass, much like myself so I continued to date him. We got pretty serious, even though I told him all kinds of stuff to keep him away, especially when he would take off in the summer for theatre stock (theatre camp). For instance, I would tell him–you know, it isn’t considered cheating if you live in different zip codes. So you do what you want, and I will do what I want….he didn’t fall for it….even though I still believe in the different zip code rule! So, we ended up dating, broke up once, got back together and eventually got married. Like anyone else, we have our ups and downs. Sometimes I want to kill him and sometimes I am sure he wants to kill me, but what it comes down to is that we get each other and I think he would be bored without me and my sass.

 3.    What is the most memorable moment that made us laugh so hard that pants-peeing was inevitable; and would we like this memory to disappear? Why or why not?

Well, as far as piss-peeing moments I have had a few, but as far as together….I can think of something. Hubby and I were visiting his sister and family in Texass. We were all hanging out at one of his Mother’s childhood friend’s house (so there was a group of people there) when I suddenly got the urge for a Pepsi. I love Pepsi, and would get very cranky without my caffeine intake, so Hubby being the good Hubby decided to take me out to a convenience store to get one. On the way back, I suddenly got the craving for some “ice cream” (note: ice cream can be a code name for mattress mambo, sorry mom). Fast forward about 20 minutes. At this point, we have been gone (probably a little too long for a Pepsi) for a bit, but we had our Pepsi (fact) and ice cream cover (fiction). So, we are headed back into the house and all eyes turn to us. Where have YOU been everyone asks….and we begin our storytelling. (It is here where I should mention, I am the worst liar you will ever meet. I am just not good at it unless I practice). However, we were quickly shot down by his Dad who practically shouted: SON, why is your shirt inside out? It was at this point, that Hubby turned a shade of red that was the color of a tomato and quickly shrugged his shoulders and looked like he wanted to die right there. I quickly burst into laughter and nearly pissed my pants. How did I not notice that? Irregardless, we were laughed at for long time after that one. Now, whenever we visit his family I am not allowed to go on ice cream runs…..

And no, I don’t need this memory to disappear; it is moments like these that I live for…..although Hubby might disagree.

4.    Do we have quirk that one of us finds endearing to each other, but annoys other people?

Hmmm a quirk that we each think is endearing? I know of a lot of quirks that Hubby has that annoys me…but together? Hmmm. I would have to say that a quirk that Hubby has that I think is endearing is his ability to create, build and make stuff out of nothing. It is especially cool when he makes me something cool. Like a Kitty Hut, The Rules Continued. Note: stupid grad school projects don’t count as something cool, especially when he tries to pass the random crap off to me like he made me a treasure: not cool. How this may annoy other people is that when Hubby gets in his “I know how to fix it mode” it’s his way or the highway. So, if anyone else has an opinion on how to do something, well, my advice is to steer clear. He also snores, shakes his leg constantly if we are sitting (this drives me CRA.ZY) and is a bed hog. All things that annoy me, and only me.

5.  What is the one memory of the two of us that stands out most in your mind?

I would have to say the memory that stands out most in my mind is going to the coast in Texass. Every year, Hubby’s family goes down to Padre Island and rents a condo here: http://www.ccislandhouse.com/index.htm.

They have been going there since Hubby was very small, and I absolutely LOVE going there. When Hubby and I go, we have the most relaxing time. We get to talk on the sea wall, hang out on the beach, feed the seagulls, swim in the ocean, and eat “ice cream”….ha ha ha ha. My most favorite memory is the nighttime strolls on the beach and our Putt Putt competitions because those are the times we get to spend together talking, dreaming and conspiring together. During the week, we often will go out, just the two of us and play Putt Putt. Even though that seems simple enough, I enjoy it because it is our time alone to hang out, enjoy the island breezes and just talk. We have been doing it for over 8 years now, and even though we don’t get to do it every year, I love it more than anything. It is our special place and I love it because it holds such great memories.

6.  How did you end up getting married, romantic coercion or proposal?

A bit of both. Hubby actually proposed, in case you missed it The Marriage Proposal. I thought I was getting a Harry Potter Golden Snitch Lamp! Instead, I got a ring AND the Harry Potter Lamp! Life is good!

7.  Have you ever given Hubby a Dutch Oven?

Are you kidding me? Who hasn’t, although, I am not as clever at trapping him as he is me…..but the difference is he blames the dog. I take credit for mine.

P.S. If you didn’t see an answer to a question you asked, perhaps that illustrious Hubby of mine will provide you with an answer. Perhaps.

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Filed under Love, marriage

Survival of the Wittiest….or something like that.

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The season finale version of America’s Next Top Blogger is brought to you by a fellow blogger, who just might be my twin sister. Well you know how they always say there is a twin out there of you….I think I found my writing twin….the brit, the american and the rest of australia 

the american would like to know about etiquette:

 

1.       If you bump into someone, say a colleague, and they say “hi, how was your weekend/how are you?” is it rude to just say “hi. fine.” and not ask how their weekend was? i do it all the time but feel like an asshole. but really i don’t care.

2.      If you sit across from someone who has hayfever and is sneezing all day, do you have say “Gezhundeit/bless you” every time or can you just say it once and leave it that without explaining yourself?

3.      If someone kind of smelly sits next to you on the bus/tram/train/waiting room (but they’re not homeless or anything. it’s just been a hot day and they’re wearing a suit), is it rude to get up and sit someplace else? i did that the other day and got the look of death. wha…?

4.      When we get cupcakes catered in for someone’s birthday the office, is it rude to skip the “happy birthday” speech in the beginning and just show up late, grab a cupcake and run back to you desk?

Whew, you definitely have some interesting questions. And I have some answers.

I will let you in on a little secret.

What I say and what I am thinking, especially at work, usually don’t coincide, but that is because I am surrounded by crazies, so I see it more like survival of the wittiest, only under my breath. I know, if ONLY I really could say what I was thinking all the time. But, alas, the world doesn’t work that way.

My advice:  answer these questions really, really honestly and people will stop asking you questions and just avoid you, which is the ultimate goal, right? So, I will now attempt to answer your questions

Sure, I may sound a little nuts, but who isn’t these days?

Here are the answers I would give to your questions:

1.      My weekend was horrible, I spent the whole weekend in the toilet and had explosive squirts. I think I might still have them. OOOOOO I just felt something gotta run, bye!  (See this way, you answered, and left just as quickly…)

2.      Well, being that I was just sick and attempting to spread my germs in mass destruction, I would instead say: Are you trying to get me sick? Why don’t you just go home? I am allergic to sick people. Then start scratching yourself and rubbing your eyes. If this doesn’t work, at least you can tell your boss about your “allergies” and go home anyways.

3.      I would most definitely move seats! Only I would say…sorry, I haven’t showered in days and I don’t think anyone should be subjected to my stench. Plus, I just ate a bean burrito from Taco Bell and it isn’t sitting so well…..

4.      My suggestion….go before anyone gets there…eat all the cupcakes and then show up and ask where they all are, but make sure to leave a little frosting on your lips!

So, that is my definition for etiquette. Do we share the same brain?

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Filed under America's Next Top Blogger, blogging, Challenges

The Million Dollar Question

So, once and for all. You must answer the question, truthfully, so I can finally PROVE to Hubby what I know is already true. I think secretly he knows the truth, but just doesn’t want to admit to it. I need this data to prove to him, statistically, logically and non-biasedly what I have known my whole life.

Yes, he is stubborn and needs the cold, hard facts to believe me. Because you see, once I can show Hubby this poll, we can finally get past our differences. Maybe.

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Filed under marriage

Question of the Day

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Just curious.

Is it bad that I come to work, with the intent to spread my germs everywhere?

Or is it worse that no one I work with cares?

Or is it worse yet, that I work in a healthcare environment?

Being the evil person that I am, I hope they all get it!

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Filed under sick, work