Tag Archives: sarcasm

One of those days…

Where I just want to knife myself, as my baby sis would say…..

Ugh.

ha-ha

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Filed under Life

My Most Prized Possession

So this past weekend, Honorary Brother in Law (HBIL), came in from Vancouver for a visit because it was his brothers’ and my sisters’, Middlechildadvice\’s Blog , birthday bash celebration. We had a great time celebrating everyone’s birthdays and hanging out with the various family members.

However, I was less than pleased to see HBIL because we weren’t really on speaking terms.

Why you ask?

Well, HBIL had the audacity to tell me that he went to a Britney Spear’s Concert and basically sat so close to the stage he could have touched her  (he is a closet Britney fan AND he works for the radio) and DID NOT TAKE ME! Then he puts all these amazing pictures up on his facebook page, just to rub it in my face. RUDE, right?

This is how close he was....

This is how close he was....

I love you Britney

I love you Britney

Me: I am not talking to you or listening to you on the radio anymore.

HBIL: I would have invited you, BUT I didn’t think you had a passport.

Me: I HAVE a passport.

HBIL (smiling craftily): Oh……well……. I did get you a present.

Me (clearly SUPER EXCITED): OMG, what is it? Did you get me her autograph?

HBIL: No better……..

Me: Well, what is it?

HBIL: (pulling out something slowly and dramatically on purpose)

 

ACTUAL confetti from Britney's concert!

ACTUAL confetti from Britney's concert!

Me: What is this?

HBIL: It is a piece of confetti from Britney’s concert, but not just ANY piece of confetti, this piece Britney actually LOOKED at…while it dropped from the sky and I grabbed one for you …knowing you would treasure it always!

And that dear readers, is why I am no longer mad at HBIL. For now.

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Filed under family

My Inner Trucker Lady

alcohol_20071

So, it isn’t like I have a problem or anything, but I noticed that so far this entire week I have guzzled no, eh downed, no drank some sort of liquor beverage every night. Not that there is anything wrong with that, right?

I have determined that work causes me to drink. But, that is a different story for a different day. So, I come home after a hard day of work and Hubby pours me a nice glass of Crown and Coke. Yea, I am a whiskey, beer, wine, you name it, I will drink it gal. Judge away.

I think I am totally cool downing my whiskey, that is until I get a text from a friend.

Friend: You drunk yet?

Me: No, but I am drinking coke and Crown.

Friend: You are so classy.

Me: Don’t be jealous

But, I am right? I mean, I am classy and lady-like. That is why Hubby likes me, right? (BELCH).

Or is it cause he thinks he will get lucky?

P.S. Hubby oftens suffers from spouts of delusion, especially when I have a drink in hand. (BRRPPP)

6 Comments

Filed under Delusions of a Husband

Strange Phenomenons

dog2

Is it strange that for the second morning in a row, I woke up on the floor next to the bed? How did I get there? I don’t remember it. Meanwhile, looked up to find Patches, the dog with her head on my pillows, snoring, and sprawled out like a person on MY side of the bed. Then, under further examination, I find Hubby snuggling up to her, with his arm around her belly.

Clearly, I have been replaced by the dog. I think this is a conspiracy. I think I have been ousted. Evil BED HOG. How is she doing this? And HOW does Hubby not realize that he is snuggling up to a big, hairy beast?

I am not big or hairy …..nor a beast. At least I don’t think.

Stupid Bed Hog.

I think it is time for a bigger bed. Or maybe I should just get my OWN bed. Yea, I like that idea better. 🙂

13 Comments

Filed under Pets

My Friendship will Cost You…

but it is totally WORTH it! 🙂

friends

9 Comments

Filed under Friends, humor

Traffic Madness Syndrome (TMS)

sign1

So, this morning I had to get up to drive to a different office. I dread going to this office because it is FAR. But, I had Britney going and I thought it wouldn’t be so bad, I even left the house 10 minutes earlier than I needed to. There I am driving along, and singing to Britney when I encounter it. 

THE.WORST.TRAFFIC.EVER.

And no, I am not exaggerating. I tried pinching myself, hoping I was in some kind of disasterous-traffic-induced nightmare. But, I was definately awake. The on-ramp to the highway I usually get on is closed. Thus explaining the huge disaster on the off ramp and side streets. I am stuck. There is no where else to go, except sit in the maddening traffic. Everyone is pissed, driving terribly, and honking on their horns. It was horrible. And that is when I started sweating.

There was no way to avoid it. I was getting TMS (traffic madness syndrome). Before I knew it, I had all the symptoms:

*shouting expletives

*full force anger

*tired, achey muscles from stamping on the breaks

*crabbiness

*lack ot control

*middle finger uncontrollableness

So, instead of taking me maybe 45 minutes to an hour to get here…it took me one hour and 25 minutes exactly!   At least it is Friday! I am scared to think how long it will take me to get home tonight. I have a feeling it is going to be a LOOOOONNNNNGGGGG day.

Stupid Traffic.

I definately have a case of full on TMS. I wonder if they make something for this? You know, some pill or something?  If so, I NEED it. Actually, I know just the thing that will help get me through the day…..

Lunch at Jersey Mike’s! I am starting to feel better already!

13 Comments

Filed under Commuting

Happy People and Me

Yea, so this isn’t really a surprise, but I am not a huge people person. But, you know what kind I can’t stand? The crazy, happy morning ones that are so chipper you just want to strangle them, yea you know what I am talking about, dontcha?   I think they are just plain psycho and they just plain annoy me. They stifle me with their quest for everlasting cheeriness. With that being said, one of my friends sent me the BEST.VIDEO.EVER. on those types of crazy people. And I am going to share it with you all because I think it will put a smile on your faces. So, enjoy it and next time you run into one of these types of crazy, happy people you will remember this amazing video!

5 Comments

Filed under Challenges, Life