Tag Archives: Siblings

Sisterly Love

sisters

Rae: Do my homework!

Me: No

Rae: Write me a cover letter for work….puhlease?

Me: No

Rae: PUHHHHHH LEASE…

Me: What will you give me?

Rae: Whore.

Me: Slut.

Rae: I hate you.

Me: I hate you more.

Rae: DO IT

Me: Give me presents!

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Filed under Sisters

My Middle Sister

middle-sister

Today on America’s Next Top Blogger we will uncover the mystery and meaning behind my crazy sister’s (Middlechildadvice\’s Blog  ) probing question.

Her topic is: Blog about your amazing middle sister—how amazing she is, how you want to be just like her and how you will never reach that goal. Are you puking in your mouth just yet? Cause I am. Truly.

My middle sister, Sar is far from amazing. Really. If you go back and look through our photo albums– every picture of me and Sar is me sitting on her, trying to crush her in some form or another. Or I have a crazed look in my eyes like I am plotting her demise (and NO I do not always have the crazed look, although it does run in the family). So, our history of me wanting to BE like her is non-existent. But, for the purpose of this blog, AND to follow the rules I can give you some insight into her “amazingness” as she likes to call it.

How my Middle Sister is AMAZING

1.      She ate cat food on a dare (and liked it)

2.      Sar thought Washington DC was located in Washington State. Until she went there and learned this wasn’t so. She has always been a little slow.

3.      She always wanted to fly on a plane herself. She finally did when she was in her 20s. Now she thinks she knows everything about flying. This is not the case.

4.      Growing up, Sar used to hide food she didn’t like (she said she couldn’t chew it) in her napkin on the back of her chair, so the dog would eat it.

5.      Sar used to have a nickname growing up, Dizzy Lizzy, cause she used to spin around in circles a million times and fall to the floor. For those of you that know her this explains a lot, doesn’t it?

6.      The middle sister has always been jealous of the other sisters, so when she was little she used to point at people, so she could get attention. Mom always told her to stop pointing because it is rude, but in childhood photos you will see pictures of her pointing, on purpose.

7.      Sar used to bring home all kinds of weird friends, kind of like the crazy cat lady.

8.      She used to hide in the bathroom for hours to get out of chores like dishes. Immediately after dinner, she would hop up say “I have to go to the bathroom!”  She would only reemerge after the dishes were done. She still does this.

9.      She has a tendency for making you feel bad if you won’t accept her gifts. IE She never cleans the cat litter, and so in turn the cats will poo on the floor, next to the litter. She will then tell her Hubby that the cats left him a “present” and he shouldn’t complain because they made it specially for him. Messed up, right?

10.  She has a tendency to wreck every car she has ever had, knock on wood, and yet my parents still buy her cars. What?!

11.  If Rae and I gang up on her, she says we should stop being mean because she is going to need years of therapy to recover from all the damage we have caused her.

12.  She secretly wishes she were an only child because she likes all the attention for herself. This is why she bring out her parlor tricks at events (like analyzing people’s handwriting) so people will swarm her and beg her to tell them more about themselves.

13.  She loves really random movies like Lars and the Real Girl, Slither, and Into the Wilderness because it makes her feel smart…like she “gets” something others don’t.

14.  She likes to feel important. That is why you have to tell her she is “AMAZING” 20 times a day, or she will cease to exist.

15.  When Sar was younger, she was obsessed with cologne. She used to sniff my Uncle Jody who wore Polo and tell him that one day she would marry him. To this day, she is still obsessed with cologne, but not Polo.

16.  She also thought she would grow up to be the Blue Fairy from Pinocchio. She is to this day, still obsessed with the color blue.

17.  She used to turn everything in my room upside down, when she was mad at me. I still get mad, just thinking about this!

18.  She needs constant reaffirmation that she is amazing that is why I am making her this list. However, she doesn’t know words, so she will probably look up the word reaffirmation.

19.  She used to sleepwalk and try and go out to the pool for a midnight swim. Luckily, Mom always caught her because I might have missed her if she drowned, only a little bit.

20.  She is obsessed with cats. One day, when she is old, she will turn into the old cat lady, and her home will be filled with poo because she never cleans the litter.

21.  She actually OWNS a tee shirt that says “It’s ALL about me.” This is the most truthful she has ever been.

22.  When we were kids, she used to follow me everywhere because I was super cool. She wanted to BE ME. Now that we are older, she still wants to be me. And I am still cool.

23.  As a child she used to have really bad hearing, so I used to just move my lips so she would think she was deaf. To this day she is still traumatized if anyone does this to her.

24.  She loves her cat more than her Hubby, but so do I!

25.  She is definitely out there, but AMAZING in her own SPECIAL NEEDS sort of way.

Me and Baby Sar, so trusting, isn't she?

Me and Baby Sar, so trusting, isn't she?

 

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Filed under America's Next Top Blogger, blogging, Challenges, Siblings

The Genius Pair and My Mean Sister

fighting-sisters

My sister, Free Sister is mean.

Here is what happened.

My dad was visiting from out of town and we had just driven into the driveway after having lunch, when my dad gets out of the car (mind you with they keys still running in the ignition).

Me: DAD! Did you mean to leave your keys in the car, with the engine running. (Senile, much? Sorry Dad)

Dad (incredulous): OH NO! Don’t shut your door! Whoa, good going! Glad I didn’t lock myself out of the car with the engine running because my spare set of keys are at home!

Me (knowing I had just SAVED the day): Yea, good thing, I noticed…I was thinking you must be crazy!

So, as I am getting out of the car, I realize that I may be senile too.

Me: OH NO!

Dad: What?

Me: I don’t have my house keys on me cause we took your car, and I just didn’t think about it!

Dad (chuckles): Oh no, what are we going to do?

I then call Sar and her Hubby, realizing they are both at work. CRAP! Then I call Rae, my mean sister, knowing the mere idea of getting in the car to come rescue me is the LAST thing she would ever want to do. She doesn’t like to help people because she is a PEOPLE HATER, she HATES everyone. (Whatcha gonna do Rae?)

Me: RAE! Where are you? I locked myself out of the house! And I need you to come home and let us in.

Rae: YOU STUPID SLUT! GUESS YOU ARE STUCK OUTSIDE!

Me: RAE! Get your sorry ass down here and let us in!

Rae: YOU ARE SO STUPID; I am NOT driving all that way!

Me: OH YES YOU ARE!

Well you get the gist of our fight over the phone. Anyways, she finally DID come home and let us in, but she did have the crazed psycho look in her eyes (you know, the one killers have–those of you that passed the serial killer test know what I mean).

sisters

Me: Thanks, Rae! You saved the day!

Rae: I HATE YOU!

Me: You are just the nicest sister ever.

Rae: I HATE people AND I am on my period.

And that my friends, is why you should stay away from the MEAN SISTER when she is on the rag. She is scary!

(Hopefully, I will be around to blog after this…if she doesn’t kill me, but that is why you don’t mess with a blog crazy sister–blog paybacks can get real nasty)

Love ya, Rae! 🙂

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Filed under family, Sisters, Uncategorized

Free Sister

The baby sis has been feeling left out for lack of blog incorporation time. I guess everyone wants their 1 minute of fame. Well, here goes.

sign

FOR SALE:

One lazy sister, who doesn’t put her dishes in the dishwasher. She also doesn’t do what I say. Maybe you can train her, but she is obstinate and crabby. I do not know where she gets this from being that I am an amazing, giving sister. She will occasionally clean if you go all Miss Hannigan on her. Sometimes. She mostly hides in her room and reads or sometimes you can catch her on Myspace. If she sounds like something you can use, and you always wanted a sister, today is your lucky day. If you call today, I will throw in a free t-shirt.

All offers accepted. She is free to a good home. No questions asked.

Call 1-800-Fresis

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I want a….

Blueberry!

Blueberry!

At dinner this past weekend, my sisters and I were talking about cell phones with our dad. I was mentioning how I cannot wait until my contract is up in June because I am quitting Sprint. I hate them.

Me: I am switching to AT&T in June! WOO HOO. I am sick of evil Sprint.

Dad: Are you getting an iphone?

Sar(blurting out): I want a BLUEBERRY!

Me: You mean a blackberry, crazy!

Sar: Eh, whatever…

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Filed under family, humor

The Tear in Time (AKA Groundhog Day)

clock

So, Friday morning was the worst.morning.ever. Here’s what happened.

Thursday night my sisters and I hung out. It was a fun night, however Rae was supposed to go with Sar to pick up some pizza and movies, but instead she made me go. This started the downward spiral in events.

Sar: Where’s your keys? You need to lock the front door.

Me: No I don’t; Rae is there.

Sar: GO GET YOUR KEYS AND LOCK THE DOOR!

Me: EH, fine. (Got the keys, locked the door)

Once we got back to the house, I had Sar grab my keys and unlock the front door, since my hands were clearly full with pizza and movies. And that was the end of a fun night of pizza and hanging out.

Now, fastforward Friday morning at aproximately 6:30 am.

I am almost out the door headed to work. Saying bye to the pets, and grabbing the keys. WAIT! WHERE ARE MY KEYS? Panic sets in. Then I remember Sar had them last, so I call her thinking she must have put them somewhere in the house. SOMEWHERE.

I call Sar. NO ANSWER. Great.

I call again. This time she answers.

Me: WHERE ARE MY KEYS.

Sar: How should I know what you do with your keys?

Me: Because you had them last! Remember you used them to open the door last night?!

Sar: Oh yeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh. Hmmm I am driving, but they “might” be in my purse.

Me: OH MY GOSH. Well you need to come back here then.

Sar: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I am halfway to work. (she works really far away)

Me: I have no choice. I could take Hubby’s car, but I still need all my work stuff and gate pass that is in MY car that is locked in the garage. OMG, I CANNOT believe you stole my keys!

So, after much bickering back and forth, she drives back and gives me my keys. Two hours later she is still driving to work…..texting me, telling me she hates me. But, WHO was the stupid one that put MY keys in her purse?

And after placing much blame on each other for the rest of the day, we discovered that ultimately it was Rae’s fault for not going with Sar in the first place. Because of that one decision, on Rae’s part, it caused a “tear in the universe” according to Sar, setting everything to be out of order and ass backwards for the rest of the day. Much like the movie Groundhog Day.

Moral of Story: Don’t ever let Sar near your keys. EVER. Or it could result in a tear in your universe ,as you know it, and you might end up  forever stuck in Groundhog Day.

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Filed under Crazies, Sisters

My Crazy, Insane Sister Strikes Again

crazy

So, today I went to lunch at my favorite place, Jersey Mike’s (see Jersey Mike’s), with my sister and her funny friend Emily (name change courtesy of my sister) from work. We had a great time, that is until my sister started lamenting her fate. She can be a real debbie downer when everything is not all about her, as I am sure you can imagine. Here is what happened:

Me: So, I wrote another blog today.

Sar: EH, I am so over blogging. My friend Karen read my blogs and said they stank and weren’t funny. So, I just might kill my blog, since no one loves me and my stats have gone waaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyy down. (deep sigh)

Me: OMG Rae said you wouldn’t last.

Emily: Yea, I read your blog. It is kinda funny.

Sar: If people aren’t talking about it and DON”T love me, then I am NOT DOING IT ANYMORE.

Me: You are so ridiculous.

Sar: I want people to love me. I am AMAZING.

Emily (rolls eyes): There goes the competition again…..middle child syndrome.

Sar: My blog is NOT good enough….sigh.

Emily: I am going to write a blog about YOUR blog.

Me: OMG you guys are soooo funny.

Well, folks, Emily did it. AND she is AWESOME. She feeds right into Sar’s crazy, middle child mind. Check her and my sister out at the following address. It is best if you read them in tandem.

Happy laughing. How amazing of a blog promoter am I? Gotta love family!

Sister: Middlechildadvice\’s Blog

Emily: Liketotallyawesome\’s Blog

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Filed under Blog Friends, blogging, Sisters