Tag Archives: sleep

Getting Up Early for Dummies

early

I thought I would make a list, since I have been so successful. (Not really) But it is the thought that counts, right? Actually, dear readers, you should be proud, as I have managed to get up early and work out for 4 days in a row so far. (Applause, please)

*DO NOT, under any circumstances, hit snooze on your alarm! If you spend too much time contemplating quitting your job, just so you can sleep in a few extra minutes, you might end up broke, homeless, and pillowless. Which would just be sad.

*DO jump out of bed and get moving right away, you may feel like crap for awhile, but it usually goes away. Usually.

*DO NOT take sleeping pills to help you sleep. Just don’t do it. You will not be able to get up.  ( I know from experience).

*DO lay your clothes out the night before, that way you can make sure you don’t leave the house wearing mismatched shoes or anything weird when you are eyes are still glued shut.

*DO NOT try and convince yourself you’re a morning person, you ARE NOT, don’t try and be happy about getting up. Just do it and then make as much noise as possible to annoy those that laugh at you.

*DO get a cat, like the (The Alarm Clock from Hell) so that in the event that you don’t get out of bed in time, you have a back-up plan….or a cat you want to kill.

*DO NOT attempt to be friendly in the morning. There is no point in exerting any additional energy cells that you are lacking due to your sleep deprivation.

*DO get some people to laugh at you and say you won’t be able to do it….sometimes reverse psychology helps motivate a person.

*DO NOT try and convince yourself that this is good–that you are teaching yourself discipline and routine. You are just lying to yourself and your body knows it. And it will get you back.

*DO try and go to bed early the night before. Not that it will make it THAT much easier to get up, but it helps…a little.

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Filed under Challenges, lazy, Life

The Curious Case of the Bed Hog

(NOTE: The following story is a true event. The place and names HAVE NOT been changed to protect the identity of the party involved.)

I have always liked laying on the floor. I enjoy watching movies, tv and even sometimes (gasp) sleeping on the floor. For as long as I can remember, my sisters and I have made “floor beds” on the floor with tons of blankets and pillows, so I guess that is why I love the floor so much.

Lately, every morning without fail, Hubby finds me asleep on the floor right beside the bed. I don’t know why I do this. Sometimes I am hot, sometimes I must sleep walk, and sometimes I think it is a curious case of the bed hog that pushes me to the floor…maybe.

Here is the bed hog: (and yes, she really does sleep like this)

Patches AKA BED HOG

Patches AKA BED HOG

The Bed Hog is always HOGGING the bed, if not hogging the bed, then kicking me with her feet. Why does she sleep on the bed you ask? Because IF she does not get her way, she will WHINE and WHINE and WHINE, until I want to strangle her….and try as I might I CAN’T ignore her. ( I know she does sound a lot like me, huh?)

So, this morning, I woke up a couple of times to a gagging, hacking cough-like sound over my head. I thought to myself why is HUBBY sounding like that? Only to semi-wake up and find myself on the floor, Patches laying length-wise on my side, with her head on my pillow looking down at me gag-coughing.

Strange, I think to myself:

1. How did I end up on the floor, while my dog is in MY bed next to MY Hubby, looking down at me, like I am the dog?

2. Is she going to throw up a hairball on me?

Curious, very curious indeed….

Pretty "Princess" Patches

Pretty "Princess" Patches

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Filed under humor, Pets, Sleep Habits

Morning NOISE

cranky-early-morning

Lately, Hubby has been getting up really, really, really early to go to work. And we have already established that I AM NOT a morning person…so to be disturbed in my sleep is like waking up a bear from his hibernation. NOT.PRETTY. Of course, Hubby doesn’t think he is being that loud, but to me…sounds like FIREWORKS and MARCHING BANDS are going off in the morning as he slams around in the bathroom, taps his toothbrush, and shuffles about our room. Basically, I am about ready to KILL him. Again, I am just not rational in the morning.

So, sometimes we talk about this at night. I guess, I am hoping maybe he will be quieter or maybe he will realize how annoying he is in the WEE HOURS OF THE A.M. Although I am convinced he makes the morning bangs on PURPOSE because he doesn’t want me to sleep in any longer than he does, but he denies this. LIAR!

Me: In the morning, in my semi-state of consciousness, I dream that I am killing you with each bang you make. You know, like stabbing you like this….(violent stabbing motions are being made)

Hubby (rolling his eyes): I am SO quiet in the morning!

Me: ARE NOT!

Hubby: Waaaaaaaay quieter than you are.

Me: Probably true, but you are still not THAT quiet.

Hubby: I even lay out my clothes the night before, so I don’t make the drawers creek!

Me: You still bang around on purpose to wake me up!

Hubby: And you don’t EVER make noise!

Me: That’s right. That is because I am perfect! J

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Filed under humor, husband

The Party House

party-garage

I don’t know what it is about the area we live in, but we are either battling gunshots from the gang house behind us (although they have been quiet lately) or trying to sleep through all the racket at the party house. The party house is a house directly to the side of our house with a big garage. Every night the party house has a party within their garage…not even in their house, but in their garage. Come on, people? Who does this? It hasn’t really bothered me too much. That is until I noticed that every night this week (so far) they have had their garage up and their lights going along with a huge TV in the garage and then the reverb of the music singing me sweet lullabies as I try to sleep and count sheep to the beats of the noise.  I mean if you have a 3000 square foot house, wouldn’t you use it….rather than the garage?

At first I thought this might be the man-cave, but there are lots of parked cars out there (and not just guys) hanging out in the garage….maybe hanging out in the garage is what people do out here in Arizona….if you ask me it is weird.

 Call me crazy, but if I had a large, 2 story house, I would be inside the house! Weird if you ask me….. or am I just becoming irritable in my old age (don’t answer that)….but, hey! I told you how important sleep is to me….you don’t want to go there!

Have I mentioned I am not a people person…. 🙂

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Filed under Life

The Alarm Clock from Hell: Round 2

It is dark, very dark. Not time to be awake yet, and what do I hear? MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW!

And then, as if the first serenade wasn’t enough……pawing at the blinds, not quietly, but basically playing dominos with them….and right over my head! I am going to kill her; no one can stop me this time! All rationalization has flown the coop. Don’t move! I think to myself….as long as I show no signs of life….she will move on and go terrorize someone else. Don’t move!

I know that dratted alarm clock hasn’t gone off yet….her only saving grace is that it is Friday, otherwise I would feed her to the dog. Really, I am not a violent person….

Me: 0 points

Americus: 10 points

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Filed under Pets