Tag Archives: wives

Banned Grocery Store Trips

pms2

Why you should never let me go to the grocery store during that time of the month.

Yea, I can mock myself, Hubby. Beat that. Who has the better sense of humor now?

Hubby: What did you get at the grocery store?

Me: Hmmm

Chocolate Chex

Chocolate donuts

Chocolate pretzels

Hubby: HOW much did all that COST?

Me: WHY? You wanna fight me? You should be thanking the chocolate gods for making me happy!

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Filed under humor

Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder…

hubby

Dear Hubby,

I am so excited for you to come home tomorrow. I have missed you so! The NOT IT rule is no fun when you are not here to scream it to. You are therefore, banned from leaving me alone from here on! Here are the things I won’t miss:

*Feeding the pets in the morning (they are evil)

*No one to talk too, besides the pets (all they care about is food…after that, they want nothing to do with me)

*Taking the trash out (that is a boy’s job)

*Making dinners (let’s just face it, I suck)

*Having no one to boss around (Rae doesn’t listen….EVER)

*Sharing the bed with the pets (they are bed hogs, especially Patches)

*Having to clean up cat vomit myself, rather than calling NOT IT (NOT FUN)

*Lack of bedtime conversations where I make fun of you (leaves a void)

*Your advice, even though I never listen (in my defense, I am deaf sometimes)

*And mostly, no one to kiss me goodnight and tell me they love me (even when I am mean and don’t deserve it)

I promise not to take you for granted anymore…ok, well maybe not for one week…gotta have realistic goals here!

Love, Wifey

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Filed under Husbands, marriage

Wife: For Sale, Rent, or Lease to Own

wife-rent

With all the hype in the news lately with it being “rough times,” Hubby and I couldn’t get over the news stories on the girl selling her virginity and the guy trying to sell his 14 year old daughter for beer and meat. I mean times are tough, people! So, I completely understand where they are coming from…..I think.

So, Hubby and I thought we should jump on this bandwagon, while the market is HOT!

Me: Can you believe all these stories?

Hubby: No. I know, maybe we should sell you.

Me: Good idea. I have no idea what the ad could say, but maybe something like Rent-a-wife or something and we should start the bid at 1 million dollars! ( I am totally worth it..stop laughing)

Hubby: Yea, but like only for one night cause I think I would miss you.

(Gotta love that Hubby….see he still loves me!)

Thinking to myself…I have no idea what this ad would say? Maybe something like:

Wife for Rent: Think I love Lucy…must have LOTS of patience. She doesn’t cook, usually feigns cleaning, and exclaims NOT IT whenever she wants to get out of chores (which is most of the time). Has no skills. Cannot sew, rarely does laundry, and belches a lot. Not really sure what she is good for, that is why I am selling her. Make me an offer. Comes AS IS. Have to rent out to make bill payments and to be able to buy beer. But, willing to negotiate because times are tough and her income is needed.

How does that sound, Hubby?

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Filed under humor, Love, marriage