Marriage Secrets Revealed

shh

 

Secret #1

Maybe that missing tee shirt you were looking for didn’t really get eaten by the dryer, but maybe I threw it out cause it is ugly. Maybe.

Secret #2
I know that you eat all my chocolate stashed in the house and then ask who ate all the krackel bars? They did not get lost and Rae didn’t eat them all! I won’t believe it.

Secret #3

I always know where your keys, knife, belt, tee shirt, shoes or any other miscellaneous object is. I just like to watch you run around like a crazy person looking for something.

Secret #4

When I say, “I don’t care”, sometimes I don’t care. Sometime I do. Listen for the tone. You should be able to figure out my tone by now.

Secret #5

I don’t really care if you go out with your friends to drink or hang out. I really DO want you to get out of the house. Please. Why? Because I need some alone time and you always come back realizing how amazing I am compared to your friends wives or significant others! Cause I AM AMAZING.

Secret #6

I LOVE when you go out of town. Really. I do. I can then watch whatever I want on TV. I am in charge of the remote and I can sit in bed all day and do nothing. I can play Guitar Hero for hours on end and don’t have to share it with you AND I can pee with the bathroom door open, since you are not there to be weirded out. Basically, I can do everything you won’t let me do when you are here.

Secret #7

I am not really still sleeping when I hit you, poke you, or steal your pillows. I am trying to reclaim my area of the bed or get you to move over and stop crowding me. Or get you to stop snoring. Or get you to stop breathing in my face. Or get you to turn over, so I can steal more room on our too small bed.

Secret #8

Sometimes I tell you there is free food at work, so I don’t have to eat my lunch and I can just go to Jersey Mike’s instead. Especially when you pack me a PB & J sandwich. No one likes that many PB & J sandwiches. No one.

Secret #9

I know when it comes to putting away laundry you claim to “not know” where any of my clothes go, so you don’t have to put them away or fold them. I know this because you pretend I am some kind of organized freak even though it is YOU who tries to color code your tee shirts. Oh yea, I have noticed. This makes me crazy. I hate putting away laundry and that is why I pretend we have run out of hangers sometimes, so I can just pile your clothes somewhere for you to deal with. Sometimes.

 Secret #10

Your missing swimsuit edition of Maxim or Sports Illustrated? Oh yea, I don’t know. Where did it go? I mean, it might have “accidentally” fallen into the trash can. You didn’t read it? Oh no!

Secret #11

Sometimes I encourage and give the cat your flip flops to bite, since you leave them out all the time. Is it that hard to put your shoes away? And when you see the bite marks you think she has been eating your shoes again, little do you know that it is me who cheers her on in her destruction.

Secret #12

Sometimes I call or text our Mothers to talk about you. Especially when you are being a brat. Usually they both can convince me to stay married to you. You have no idea how much you owe our Mothers. No idea.

Advertisements

14 Comments

Filed under couples, marriage

14 responses to “Marriage Secrets Revealed

  1. delaney55

    Most of those secrets fit us as well! Except I tend to tear off the T-Shirts when they get holes in them, you should try it, it’s fun! The look on his face when I do that is also priceless.

  2. i am so with you on this Twin

  3. Jayce

    Oh ! My God !!…. ;0)

  4. I’m sure secret 7 applies to me is that me you are talking about ..sigh

  5. Hahahahahah. The funny truths between couples thanks for sharing the honesty sounds like my wife and I on more then a few of those things…..Zman sends

  6. brown-eyed-girl

    Wow, are you writing about your marriage or mine? These are great!

  7. Lori

    But now he knows all of your secrets! The truth will set you free, I guess!

  8. Did you write in small font in an attempt to have Hubby give up trying to squint and not read this? 😛

    You give a poor young girl like me absolutely no hope of ever being married happily. Hmpf.

  9. sauer kraut

    Hubby’s secret # 15: the reason you can’t find your favorite thin lacie undies isn’t because they got caught in the agitator (again) but because he’s wearing them on his head.

    I hope you still close the door when you #2 cuz the dog will prolly wonder what all that noise is about. …

    (whistling innocently … as he walks away. …)

  10. Slightly: You should totally get married! 🙂
    You just need to find someone that doesn’t do all those things…..
    I mean, I really DO LOVE Hubby…sometimes.. 😉

  11. #8.. Sweet Jesus #8. My husband is practically MADE of PB&J. I gag a little every time he goes to make one. I BEG him to have a little variation.. but nooooooo

    Bleh! I hope he doesn’t expect me to pack a PB&J everyday..once I’m working again.

  12. Those are awesome secrets! I think our husbands are brothers!

  13. Isn’t marriage a wonderful thing? Heh. And, for the record, I really do like PB&J. Made with Jif and Welch’s. On white. (Just can’t do PB&J on wheat.)

    Love your secrets. What a great post!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s