My Inner Trucker Lady

So, it isn’t like I have a problem or anything, but I noticed that so far this entire week I have guzzled no, eh downed, no drank some sort of liquor beverage every night. Not that there is anything wrong with that, right?

I have determined that work causes me to drink. But, that is a different story for a different day. So, I come home after a hard day of work and Hubby pours me a nice glass of Crown and Coke. Yea, I am a whiskey, beer, wine, you name it, I will drink it gal. Judge away.

I think I am totally cool downing my whiskey, that is until I get a text from a friend.

Friend: You drunk yet?

Me: No, but I am drinking coke and Crown.

Friend: You are so classy.

Me: Don’t be jealous

But, I am right? I mean, I am classy and lady-like. That is why Hubby likes me, right? (BELCH).

Or is it cause he thinks he will get lucky?

P.S. Hubby oftens suffers from spouts of delusion, especially when I have a drink in hand. (BRRPPP)

For a Limited Time Only…

I love Hubby because he takes me here:

And this is the first thing I see when I enter:

And he buys me many of these

And he doesn’t even bat an eylash when the bill is 100 dollars and the majority of the charges are beer!

And that is why I love him.

For a limited time only!

Expiration Date: Tomorrow

I don’t remember…

Hacim, Hubby and I were recollecting on the couch one night….remembering the good ol days.

Hacim: I have no beer.

Me: Who ARE you?

Hacim: I don’t drink that much…

Me: Since when? You used to drink all the time! When did you turn into an old fart? I used to get these kind of calls.

Back in our college days:

Hacim: Come pick me up. I am drunk.

Fastforward 3 years (when Hubby and I live in TX-was kind of hard to do when we lived in different states)

Hacim: Come pick me up. I am drunk.

Fastforward 1 more year (we live in CT)

Hacim: I am drunk. There is puke all around me, I don’t know how it got there.

Hacim: I don’t remember.

The Young and the Restless

Rae, Hubby and I were on our way to/from picking up some yummy Sonic dinner (Rae never had a Cherry Limeaide….she is not from this planet)!

On the way there, the radio was playing a song about a lady who said she was a princess in a fairty tale life…..yea, I don’t know some country song.

Hubby (grabs my hand): You are NO princess, and this ain’t a fairy tale!

Me: Don’t I know it, you don’t have to tell me again! I know that this is not a fairy tale by any means…I think I figured that out about 4.5 years ago!

Hubby: chuckling

Me: Yea, I married below me!

Hubby: Aww you can be my princess!

Me: Well you can be my servant!

Now we are on the way home from our Sonic drive-thru……

Me: Guess what Rae misses. I will give you a guess…this is something she complained about for the last 4 years! (pause….silence, so I blurt) SCHOOL!

Me: I told you you would miss it once you were in the world of “I hate being a grown-up AND I hate working!”

Hubby(in a sad voice): I miss school too!

Me (thinking- Are you kidding me…..you are never going to school again! 3 years of my life were stolen from me—ok, so I am a bit dramatic)

Me: Why do YOU miss school?

Hubby: I miss my friends.

Me: HA you have no friends! I mean you have me, I will be your friend, but only cause I HAVE to be….

Hubby: You don’t hang out with me on the back porch and chug back beer.

Me: We don’t have a back porch that isn’t filled with dirt and we have no backyard furniture! I got you covered on the chugging beer part.

It’s 5’oclock Somewhere!

TGIF everyone! We made it through another one (just barely)

Time to numb the pain…

Conversations with a past graduate student….

Phone rings in my office around 8am, Thursday morning.

Hubby: I need a beer!

Me: It is morning; it is too early to need a beer.

Hubby: Well, it is 5’oclock somewhere, so it is ok!

Me (thinking in my head): What a bad influence Grad School was…..

 Do they make tee shirts? I could design one to say: Three years of Yale graduate school and all I got was this beer guzzling husband! Where are the FAT paychecks and vacations? Please tell me!

BBQs, Apples To Apples and Drinking Don’t Mix

This weekend the hubby BBQ’d up a big brisket, and we had my sisters and her hubby over for a night of fun. As can be expected, we ate, we drank and were merry. However, some of us had too much to drink. J (Hint: not me)

We also played a game called Apples to Apples. For those of you that don’t know how to play this game, here’s what you do essentially:  You each draw seven red cards and then each person takes turns selecting a green card. The people without the green cards select a red card from their hand, which best describes the green card that was played. If the green card person likes your card, you win. Here is the interesting part: some people choose the strangest card , some choose the most likely card, some choose the dirtiest card, well you get my drift. Anyways, it is a pretty fun game, especially the more you drink!  And when playing with family, it can get pretty rowdy.

An Example from our night of fun:

The card being played is horny. We all submit cards the person with the green card is Sar.  I assume I am going to win with my card…”going to Grandma’s” because she usually picks the oddest one in the bunch. (Please don’t ask me why! At the time I didn’t have good cards in my hand). I just wanted to win.

She chooses raspberry. Her hubby wins!

Me: WHAT?! How can a raspberry win?

Her: Fruit can be a turn on! (this was said verbatim)

Her Hubby:  (TURNING BRIGHT RED COLORS.)

Me: I don’t want to know this!

Rae: I think I am going to puke! (Runs to Bathroom)

Me: HA HA me too.               

Sar: I think she is really puking!

Me: Oh, I thought she just broke the seal.

Rae: (Back) What is rubbing my foot?

My Hubby: Oops! I was playing footsies with you; I thought that was the dog!

Moral of Story:  Apples to Apples and Drinking don’t mix well…and for the BBQ….that part doesn’t come up so well, right Rae? J

 

 

 

All you need is….

 Me: There is no beer in the fridge!

Hubby: Guess we better go to the store.

Me: We are broke.

Hubby: Beer is essential to life, guess we go without food.