A couple of weeks ago, I took a furlough day. What did I do with this wonderful day? I picked weeds.
(Note: Apparently, the NOT IT rule doesn’t work on weed picking. I want to see that fine print, Hubby.)
I used to think it would be amazing to live in the desert because of the lack of lawn maintenance, especially after moving from CT, where we had a yard the size of a medium jungle. Which was OH SO MUCH fun to maintain. So, once we got out West, I had a new-found passion for rocks. You know good ol’ rocks. You don’t have to mow them, you don’t have to clean them, you don’t have to maintain them. They simply just sit there and look pretty, so I thought.
BOY WAS I WRONG. How, you ask?
An infestation of weeds. We are not talking little, tiny weeds we are talking BIG, GYNORMOUS, HUGE Tree weeds. And not only are they HUGE, but their roots and stalks are the width of a paper towel roll. WHA?
Moral of Story: I HATE rocks. They are evil, they are NOT easy to maintain, and I guess I am just not cut out for yard work. AND I am lazy.
NOT IT Rules REINVOKED.
I was reading my Bloggy twin’s blog and it is just so weird how alike we are. I mean we even use the exact.same.language AND we live in different countries. How weird is that? So check her out, she is pretty cool, kinda like myself!
Hubby: Do the dishes.
Me: That’s a boy’s job!
Hubby: Take out the trash.
Me: That’s a boy’s job.
Hubby: Clean the bathrooms.
Me: That’s a boy’s job!
Hubby: Come outside and pick the weeds with me.
Me: That’s a boy’s job!
Hubby: FINE, what exactly isn’ t a boy’s job?
Me: Ummmm hmmmmmm. Yea, I can’t think of anything.
LOUD NOISE of dog throwing up next to me in the computer room.
Me (shouting): NOT IT! HUBBY, NOT IT!
Hubby (angrily): That does NOT count!
Me (sweetly, if that is EVEN possible): Yes it does, I need to get in the shower and get ready for bed. (Remember I get up at 4:30, it doesn’t matter that it is only 8pm)
Hubby: It is still early; you have PLENTY of time to clean up the dog throw up.
Me: WHATEVER, you still owe me from when Americus was sick (thankfully she is better now—though we still don’t know what was wrong with her) because I cleaned up LOADS of vomit and poo.
Hubby(clearly exasperated): Uh huh. Well then fine, I will clean this up, but you have to sift the cat litter.
Me (whiney): Please, Hubby! Can’t you do it? I am heading into the shower right now…
10 minutes later
Hubby (NOW YELLING at his cute wifey): Are you STILL on that computer!? You cannot call not it and not even head to the shower!
Me (now yelling because Hubby is yelling): We are in a fight! I am going to write you a hate blog!
Me: Running to shower
SO, the parents were visiting last weekend. And I was explaining the NOT IT rules to them, which made them laugh. Actually, Hubby and I were having a standoff in regards to the vomit by our bed. See why.
After explaining the rule, while we all watched Hubby clean up the vomit, I learned of the way my parentals dealt with the NOT IT rule way back when (yea, they are old school); it’s weird that they were that clever back in the day.
Dad (talking to Hubby): Ugh I know all to well what it is like to clean up cat puke.
Mom (under her breath): pshaw.
Dad: Yea, I usually had your mom clean up the vomit because I don’t know how.
Me: HA HA HA HA! What do you mean?
Dad: Well, your mother knows what special products to use on the carpet so it wouldn’t stain. I didn’t. So, it was better that she do it.
Me: 1. I don’t believe that and 2. I am going to use that now too!
Hubby: Don’t give her ANY more ideas!
And that, dear readers, is NOT it old school style.
Lesson of the day: Never underestimate me because I am THAT good.
I have just gotten out of bed, despite the fact that the pets have been at me for hours trying to wake me up to feed them—-banging my head, meowing, doing my hair, pawing at the blinds, whining, crying, vomiting, you name it they did it. But, I have not moved, not even flinched in fear of them seeing any sign of movement. It is better they think I am still asleep, so they can move on to torment someone ELSE.
Eventually, Hubby finally gets his sorry you know what out of bed to feed them, after I literally push him out of bed. I mean, it is ME who feeds them all week long, it won’t kill him to do weekend detail.
After he comes back to bed, and I get up, he sidesteps the vomit and snidely says:
Hubby: NOT IT!
Me: Doesn’t count!
Hubby: Yes it does!
Me: Nope, I called sometime around 4:30ish AM, not my fault you didn’t hear it. So, you already lost your chance.
Hubby: It doesn’t count if I don’t hear it.
Me: Yes it does…because you were right by me…you just CHOSE not hear me. IT COUNTS!
UPDATE: Rae heard me call NOT IT at 4:30. I WIN.
I am so excited for you to come home tomorrow. I have missed you so! The NOT IT rule is no fun when you are not here to scream it to. You are therefore, banned from leaving me alone from here on! Here are the things I won’t miss:
*Feeding the pets in the morning (they are evil)
*No one to talk too, besides the pets (all they care about is food…after that, they want nothing to do with me)
*Taking the trash out (that is a boy’s job)
*Making dinners (let’s just face it, I suck)
*Having no one to boss around (Rae doesn’t listen….EVER)
*Sharing the bed with the pets (they are bed hogs, especially Patches)
*Having to clean up cat vomit myself, rather than calling NOT IT (NOT FUN)
*Lack of bedtime conversations where I make fun of you (leaves a void)
*Your advice, even though I never listen (in my defense, I am deaf sometimes)
*And mostly, no one to kiss me goodnight and tell me they love me (even when I am mean and don’t deserve it)
I promise not to take you for granted anymore…ok, well maybe not for one week…gotta have realistic goals here!
But, I really miss the Hubby!
I tried cooking dinner tonight: tacos. They were remotely successful, but I had no idea how much work it is to cook! Plus, there is no one here to torment and Rae is not nearly fun enough to boss around, plus half the time she doesn’t listen.
Hubby, I miss you. Please come home soon (with both your arms, please) and cook me dinners again. Plus, the NOT IT rule (The Rules) is no fun by myself because I never win!
Filed under Husbands, Life