NOT IT Old School Style

SO, the parents were visiting  last weekend. And I was explaining the NOT IT rules to them, which made them laugh. Actually,  Hubby and I were having a standoff in regards to the vomit by our bed. See why.

After explaining the rule, while we all watched Hubby clean up the vomit, I learned of the way my parentals dealt with the NOT IT rule way back when (yea, they are old school); it’s weird that they were that clever back in the day.

Dad (talking to Hubby): Ugh I know all to well what it is like to clean up cat puke.

Mom (under her breath): pshaw.

Dad: Yea, I usually had your mom clean up the vomit because I don’t know how.

Me: HA HA HA HA! What do you mean?

Dad: Well, your mother knows what special products to use on the carpet so it wouldn’t stain. I didn’t. So, it was better that she do it.

Me: 1. I don’t believe that and 2. I am going to use that now too!

Hubby: Don’t give her ANY more ideas!

And that, dear readers, is NOT it old school style.

Wii Alters

I must say Hubby is bad luck and brings out the worst in me.

This weekend we got Mario Kart. I am a bit of a crazy driver, but I am practicing and getting better. Watching me navigate the wheel is probably a bit like being in a New York City taxi cab at rush hour (you can’t understand a word of what I am saying, and are in fear for your life). A bit scary, and a bit thrilling, all at once. 

I feel like the wheel has a mind of its own and when my NYC taxi driver alter comes out…..watch out. Or maybe I am just that retarded. (Don’t comment)

Anyways, this morning I was practicing my driving skills and I was getting 1st and 2nd place for the most part. WHOA. I am amazing and feeling pretty good about myself. Then in walks Hubby asking me how I am doing and if I am getting any better.

And in that very instant, I fell to 12th place and my crazy alter “The NYC taxi driver” returns and I crash and swear every two seconds.

Me: Well, I WAS getting better. Til you came in here and jinxed me. Out. I say, Out.

That Bad Luck Hubby of mine had better stay on his side of the house!

The Genius Pair and My Mean Sister

My sister, Free Sister is mean.

Here is what happened.

My dad was visiting from out of town and we had just driven into the driveway after having lunch, when my dad gets out of the car (mind you with they keys still running in the ignition).

Me: DAD! Did you mean to leave your keys in the car, with the engine running. (Senile, much? Sorry Dad)

Dad (incredulous): OH NO! Don’t shut your door! Whoa, good going! Glad I didn’t lock myself out of the car with the engine running because my spare set of keys are at home!

Me (knowing I had just SAVED the day): Yea, good thing, I noticed…I was thinking you must be crazy!

So, as I am getting out of the car, I realize that I may be senile too.

Me: OH NO!

Dad: What?

Me: I don’t have my house keys on me cause we took your car, and I just didn’t think about it!

Dad (chuckles): Oh no, what are we going to do?

I then call Sar and her Hubby, realizing they are both at work. CRAP! Then I call Rae, my mean sister, knowing the mere idea of getting in the car to come rescue me is the LAST thing she would ever want to do. She doesn’t like to help people because she is a PEOPLE HATER, she HATES everyone. (Whatcha gonna do Rae?)

Me: RAE! Where are you? I locked myself out of the house! And I need you to come home and let us in.

Rae: YOU STUPID SLUT! GUESS YOU ARE STUCK OUTSIDE!

Me: RAE! Get your sorry ass down here and let us in!

Rae: YOU ARE SO STUPID; I am NOT driving all that way!

Me: OH YES YOU ARE!

Well you get the gist of our fight over the phone. Anyways, she finally DID come home and let us in, but she did have the crazed psycho look in her eyes (you know, the one killers have–those of you that passed the serial killer test know what I mean).

Me: Thanks, Rae! You saved the day!

Rae: I HATE YOU!

Me: You are just the nicest sister ever.

Rae: I HATE people AND I am on my period.

And that my friends, is why you should stay away from the MEAN SISTER when she is on the rag. She is scary!

(Hopefully, I will be around to blog after this…if she doesn’t kill me, but that is why you don’t mess with a blog crazy sister–blog paybacks can get real nasty)

Love ya, Rae! 🙂

The Tear in Time (AKA Groundhog Day)

So, Friday morning was the worst.morning.ever. Here’s what happened.

Thursday night my sisters and I hung out. It was a fun night, however Rae was supposed to go with Sar to pick up some pizza and movies, but instead she made me go. This started the downward spiral in events.

Sar: Where’s your keys? You need to lock the front door.

Me: No I don’t; Rae is there.

Sar: GO GET YOUR KEYS AND LOCK THE DOOR!

Me: EH, fine. (Got the keys, locked the door)

Once we got back to the house, I had Sar grab my keys and unlock the front door, since my hands were clearly full with pizza and movies. And that was the end of a fun night of pizza and hanging out.

Now, fastforward Friday morning at aproximately 6:30 am.

I am almost out the door headed to work. Saying bye to the pets, and grabbing the keys. WAIT! WHERE ARE MY KEYS? Panic sets in. Then I remember Sar had them last, so I call her thinking she must have put them somewhere in the house. SOMEWHERE.

I call Sar. NO ANSWER. Great.

I call again. This time she answers.

Me: WHERE ARE MY KEYS.

Sar: How should I know what you do with your keys?

Me: Because you had them last! Remember you used them to open the door last night?!

Sar: Oh yeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh. Hmmm I am driving, but they “might” be in my purse.

Me: OH MY GOSH. Well you need to come back here then.

Sar: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I am halfway to work. (she works really far away)

Me: I have no choice. I could take Hubby’s car, but I still need all my work stuff and gate pass that is in MY car that is locked in the garage. OMG, I CANNOT believe you stole my keys!

So, after much bickering back and forth, she drives back and gives me my keys. Two hours later she is still driving to work…..texting me, telling me she hates me. But, WHO was the stupid one that put MY keys in her purse?

And after placing much blame on each other for the rest of the day, we discovered that ultimately it was Rae’s fault for not going with Sar in the first place. Because of that one decision, on Rae’s part, it caused a “tear in the universe” according to Sar, setting everything to be out of order and ass backwards for the rest of the day. Much like the movie Groundhog Day.

Moral of Story: Don’t ever let Sar near your keys. EVER. Or it could result in a tear in your universe ,as you know it, and you might end up  forever stuck in Groundhog Day.

My Crazy, Insane Sister Strikes Again

So, today I went to lunch at my favorite place, Jersey Mike’s (see Jersey Mike’s), with my sister and her funny friend Emily (name change courtesy of my sister) from work. We had a great time, that is until my sister started lamenting her fate. She can be a real debbie downer when everything is not all about her, as I am sure you can imagine. Here is what happened:

Me: So, I wrote another blog today.

Sar: EH, I am so over blogging. My friend Karen read my blogs and said they stank and weren’t funny. So, I just might kill my blog, since no one loves me and my stats have gone waaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyy down. (deep sigh)

Me: OMG Rae said you wouldn’t last.

Emily: Yea, I read your blog. It is kinda funny.

Sar: If people aren’t talking about it and DON”T love me, then I am NOT DOING IT ANYMORE.

Me: You are so ridiculous.

Sar: I want people to love me. I am AMAZING.

Emily (rolls eyes): There goes the competition again…..middle child syndrome.

Sar: My blog is NOT good enough….sigh.

Emily: I am going to write a blog about YOUR blog.

Me: OMG you guys are soooo funny.

Well, folks, Emily did it. AND she is AWESOME. She feeds right into Sar’s crazy, middle child mind. Check her and my sister out at the following address. It is best if you read them in tandem.

Happy laughing. How amazing of a blog promoter am I? Gotta love family!

Sister: Middlechildadvice\’s Blog

Emily: Liketotallyawesome\’s Blog

Emails from my sister…

Sister: Why have you been writing so many blogs? Are you trying to outdo me?

Me: Cause I have been bored. Blogging is not a competition.

Sister: Yes it is.

Me: SIGH

My Crazy Sister

This weekend, my sister has started her own blog. She is already addicted to it and cannot stop checking her site for stats, comments and anything else that might float her boat. She is CRAZY, I tell you CRAZY. But, I guess we have already established this due to her addictions with facebook, getting attention driven to herself, and her crazy competitions that are all in her head.

She thinks she is really cool now. Personally, I am still doubtful of her real “coolness” I just think it is more about getting attention. It is just middle child syndrome, if you ask me.

Me: Are you STILL BLOGGING?

Sar: Yes, GO AWAY! I need SILENCE, I’m concentrating. This is the blog where I’m hysterical and it is my stepping stone into blog world and it’s where I am going to make all my fans!

My Hubby and Sar’s Hubby overhear this exchange.

Hubby (to Sar’s Hubby): Good luck, your wife has now started blogging. Be ready to have your every move critiqued and laughed at by the ENTIRE WORLD. BWWWaaaah haaaaa haaaaa

(Cue sinister music here)

Oh, yea, I guess you had better check her out and decide for yourself. See, what a great sister I am…shamelessly plugging my own crazy sister, to further her crazy addictions, and don’t forget to leave her a comment or two! Otherwise her every comment on my blog will be (I have the better blog or something like it).  Check her out at: Middlechildadvice\’s Blog

The Kewl Texter

Recently I spent some time with the entire family and I taught my Uncle how to text. I don’t know what is with these OP’s (old people—but being a nice niece…I fell for it) they think they want to be so cool and learn technology, so I fell into the trap. Here is what happened:

Uncle (exclaiming): I just learned to text; text me anything! I am so cool!

Me (texting): K

Uncle (texting): What does that mean?

Me (texting back…even though I was in close proximity): short 4 ok

Uncle (texting): k!

Uncle (more texting): Hi. BTW how r u?

Me (texting faster than him): wow, impressive….ttyl

Uncle (yet again…texting): what does that mean? K!

Me (not texting): sigh

Uncle (texting): What does that mean?

Uncle (another text): k!

Now, I get these random texts all the time, can you guess what they say?

Uncle (random text at 6am): k!

After talking with my cousin (his son) he told me: NEVER, NEVER teach him any technology…..or you will regret it! HA HA! (That is why his own sons don’t teach him….isn’t that right, Matt?)

I am starting to understand this now. That is what I get for being so willing to share technology!