Monster House

Hubby called yesterday to see if I was behaving myself. Well, as we all know…I am never one to behave myself…especially when I don’t get my afternoon nap in on my furlough day. 

Hubby: So, what have you been up to?

Me: Scaring small children in the neighborhood.

Hubby: How?

Me: Well, this little boy came to our door and wanted me to go look for his ball that he threw into our yard. I went out and looked for it, but couldn’t find it. It was annoying, it was like he wanted me to fetch his ball and I wasn’t all about that. So, I told him he could come in and go into the backyard and look for it if he wanted it that bad. I mean, he shouldn’t have thrown it into our yard in the first place. Only he got really scared and said “I don’t think my Mom would let me go into a stranger’s house.” So, I said sorry—I can’t find it….and shut the door and locked it.

(Note: Now before you all get mad at me, you need to realize our backyard is filled with weeds that come up to my knees AND giant landmines….not people friendly….so while I did take a quick glance around….I wasn’t about hacking through our weed jungle to find the missing ball. AND the kids are constantly throwing stuff into our backyard….so forgive me for my lack of patience.)

Hubby: Awww poor little boy! You are so mean. He probably now associates you as the MEAN OLD LADY in the neighborhood. Way to start a reputation.

My Most Prized Possession

So this past weekend, Honorary Brother in Law (HBIL), came in from Vancouver for a visit because it was his brothers’ and my sisters’, Middlechildadvice\’s Blog , birthday bash celebration. We had a great time celebrating everyone’s birthdays and hanging out with the various family members.

However, I was less than pleased to see HBIL because we weren’t really on speaking terms.

Why you ask?

Well, HBIL had the audacity to tell me that he went to a Britney Spear’s Concert and basically sat so close to the stage he could have touched her  (he is a closet Britney fan AND he works for the radio) and DID NOT TAKE ME! Then he puts all these amazing pictures up on his facebook page, just to rub it in my face. RUDE, right?

This is how close he was....

I love you Britney

Me: I am not talking to you or listening to you on the radio anymore.

HBIL: I would have invited you, BUT I didn’t think you had a passport.

Me: I HAVE a passport.

HBIL (smiling craftily): Oh……well……. I did get you a present.

Me (clearly SUPER EXCITED): OMG, what is it? Did you get me her autograph?

HBIL: No better……..

Me: Well, what is it?

HBIL: (pulling out something slowly and dramatically on purpose)

 

ACTUAL confetti from Britney's concert!

Me: What is this?

HBIL: It is a piece of confetti from Britney’s concert, but not just ANY piece of confetti, this piece Britney actually LOOKED at…while it dropped from the sky and I grabbed one for you …knowing you would treasure it always!

And that dear readers, is why I am no longer mad at HBIL. For now.

SEX-tuple

There is this game on the iphone that I am addicted to. Hubby found it, and I LOVE it. It is called Sextuple. It is a word challenge game where you are timed to make words. The goal is to find the six letter word before you run out of time. It makes you think. And being the genius that I am, it always helps to keep my brain sharp. 🙂

Anyways, a few weekends ago, I taught my mom how to play it.

Mom: What are you doing?

Me: Playing a game.

Mom: What game? I wanna play!

Me: NO! It is MY game.

Mom: Let me play. What is it called?

Me: Sextuple.

Mom (incredulous): Wha?

Me: SEXTUPLE

Mom: Really?

Me: MOM! Get your mind out of the gutter. SEXT means six letter word.

Mom: Yea, I knew that…..

Me: Mom, you are a sicko!

Not a person…

So Rae and the Hostage were talking, as they were reading my blog.

Rae: Hostage, no one agrees with you on the blog. They all think you are WRONG.

Hostage: That is because I AM not a person on the blog.

Rae: What do you mean? Your name is Hostage. You are a person.

Hostage: More like a slave. A slave isn’t a person.

Me (piping in): Of course they are! I mean back in the day people would trade things for slaves. They were such a hot commodity. Don’t you know history?

Hostage: More like a pet.

Me: Nah, people love their pets more, I think.

Hostage: Yea, I told you! I am not a person.

Me and Rae: EVIL LAUGH.

Poor, poor ex-hostage.

Why I love Hubby

I recently got tagged for this WHY I Love Hubby award.

 I had the following thought process:

1. Who says I love Hubby?

2. Write another Love Blog to Hubby? EWWW I prefer Hate Blogs.

3. Should I allow his head to get ANY bigger–he is starting to not be able to fit through the doors because of his I-am-awesome-complex? Well, I guess he is away this week, so maybe it is ok.

So, in the spirit of the award, which was given to me by an amazingly, funny lady,  Crone and Bear It, I decided to do it… so here goes:

I love Hubby because of conversations like these, he just gets  me, you know. And he has a dazzling sense of humor with a dose of sarcasm, you need that to survive my amazingness. Yea. I AM just simply amazing, right Hubby? Oh wait, was this supposed to be about you?

I survived the early wake up time a few days ago to drive him to the airport. Barely. That is why I am amazing. I mean WHO gets up at 3:30AM to drive their Hubby to the airport? Usually, not me……however, I guess maybe I DO love him on occasion.

For instance, that morning he was so cute and that’s why I love him.

Hubby: Want me to make the bed and fluff your pillows, so the bed is comfy for you tonight?

Me: Nah, just leave it. I am going to change the sheets anyways.

Hubby: Why? For all your boyfriends that will sleep over while I am gone?

Me: Yup, gotta have clean sheets; I’m weird like that!

and

Hubby: Do you love me?

Me: No

Hubby: But I love you!

Me: Your loss….

 And I am passing on the award to:

My crazy sister: Middlechildadvice\’s Blog

My twin: the brit, the american and the rest of australia

My alter ego: Thoughts From Under My Rock

My friend: I Can Grow People

A sister’s lesson

Rae, The Hostage, and I were watching a movie; when Rae and I decided that we were hungry.

Rae (to the Hostage): MAKE US DINNER.

Me (copying her): Make us dinner….

Hostage: NO! After the movie

we continued this pattern for about 5 minutes. For the purpose of this blog, I won’t repeat it for 5 minutes, but I wanted you to get a feel for how annoying us sisters’ can be….

Me (matter of factly): Rae, you don’t have a good grip on controlling this hostage. If he won’t do what we say, we are going to have to get a new slave. Learn how to control him or he won’t ever be useful!

Rae: Yea, I know…he doesn’t do what I say.

Me: Not a good sign, if the Hostage revolts.

Rae (more directly to the Hostage): Make me cookies NOW!

The Hostage: NO! I don’t want to.

I think the Hostage is going to have to be beaten…..

To Be Continued….

Trusted Advisors

Me: I’m not crazy, just a little different.

silence

Me: There is nothing wrong with that, right?

Patches (the dog): winks at me (she REALLY winks, people..it’s crazy!)

Peep Show

As Hubby ponders his mysterious guest post blog, I thought I would help him along with my own blog about what you, dear readers, might like to know about our relationship, Hubby, or myself (we all know I am the most interesting-no ego here).

Think of it like your own private peep show into our lives….get your mind out of the gutters!

This way I can get the deep, dark secrets out of the way before Hubby tells you some whacked out version of a story that I know not to be true. Not that I don’t trust him, but you know…Hubby sometimes can be very evil and I have no idea why. ( I still wonder who he learned his evil ways from, being as innocent and naiive as I am). And not that I have any deep, dark secrets… I just like to keep my best interests in mind—I am good like that.

So, dear readers, list some things you would like to know in the comments section about us….and I will answer them as thorougly and intimately as I can. I mean, as you all already know, our life is an open book (whether Hubby likes it or not) and my side of the story is always right…….always.

Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder–NOT

More of your FAVORITE conversations.  Hubby got a call yesterday to go do some work at a casino out in New Mexico.

Hubby: So, by the time you come home tomorrow, I will be gone.

Me (probably a little TOO excitedly): WOO HOO. How long will you be gone for?

Hubby (rolling his eyes): Only one night. I will be back Wednesday, probably around the time you get home.

Me: Oh, that is NOT long enough! Can’t you stay longer?

Hubby: No, you would be too lonely without me.

Me (dreams of having the bed to myself are quickly dispersed): silence

Banned Grocery Store Trips

Why you should never let me go to the grocery store during that time of the month.

Yea, I can mock myself, Hubby. Beat that. Who has the better sense of humor now?

Hubby: What did you get at the grocery store?

Me: Hmmm

Chocolate Chex

Chocolate donuts

Chocolate pretzels

Hubby: HOW much did all that COST?

Me: WHY? You wanna fight me? You should be thanking the chocolate gods for making me happy!