Weed Invasions and the Wonderful World of Rocks

A couple of weeks ago, I took a furlough day. What did I do with this wonderful day? I picked weeds.

(Note: Apparently, the NOT IT rule doesn’t work on weed picking. I want to see that fine print, Hubby.)

Not.Fun.

I used to think it would be amazing to live in the desert because of the lack of lawn maintenance, especially after moving from CT, where we had a yard the size of a medium jungle. Which was OH SO MUCH fun to maintain. So, once we got out West, I had a new-found passion for rocks. You know good ol’ rocks. You don’t have to mow them, you don’t have to clean them, you don’t have to maintain them. They simply just sit there and look pretty, so I thought.

BOY WAS I WRONG. How, you ask?

An infestation of weeds. We are not talking little, tiny weeds we are talking BIG, GYNORMOUS, HUGE Tree weeds. And not only are they HUGE, but their roots and stalks are the width of a paper towel roll. WHA?

Moral of Story: I HATE rocks. They are evil, they are NOT easy to maintain, and I guess I am just not cut out for yard work. AND I am lazy.

NOT IT Rules REINVOKED.

Why Hubbys’ Need Rules

It's amazing how I can always find the perfect google pic!

Another long day at work done. WOO HOO.

As you can tell, after a long day at work…my genius brain is practically all used up. So in order to keep the spark alive, I try and woo Hubby, but alas it doesn’t work.

Me: Wanna smell my feet?

Hubby: No. Not really.

Me: The shoes I wore today really make them smell. In fact (as I lift my feet to my nose and grimace) they REALLY smell. Smell them!

Hubby: No

Me: Don’t you love me? It is part of your job, as a HUBBY, to do things that your wifey says, even if you don’t like them.

Hubby: No it isn’t.

Me: Yea it is! It is in the I-got-married-and-now-what rulebook. It defines the rules that Husbands have to perform in order to keep their cute wifeys!

Hubby: What about the rulebook for wifeys?

Me: There isn’t one. Wifey’s are perfect JUST.THE.WAY.THEY.ARE.

UPDATE: I succeeded in shoving my feet in Hubby’s face. He looked like he might vomit.

Hubby: Those feet smell HORRIBLE. GEEZ

Me: I even febreezed them!

Hubby: You febreezed your feet?

Me: Yea

Hubby: Are you sure you didn’t miss?

Ain’t love grand?

The Dirty Fighter

LOUD NOISE of dog throwing up next to me in the computer room.

Me (shouting): NOT IT! HUBBY, NOT IT!

Hubby (angrily): That does NOT count!

Me (sweetly, if that is EVEN possible): Yes it does, I need to get in the shower and get ready for bed. (Remember I get up at 4:30, it doesn’t matter that it is only 8pm)

Hubby: It is still early; you have PLENTY of time to clean up the dog throw up.

Me: WHATEVER, you still owe me from when Americus was sick (thankfully she is better now—though we still don’t know what was wrong with her) because I cleaned up LOADS of vomit and poo.

Hubby(clearly exasperated): Uh huh. Well then fine, I will clean this up, but you have to sift the cat litter.

Me (whiney): Please, Hubby! Can’t you do it? I am heading into the shower right now…

10 minutes later

Hubby (NOW YELLING at his cute wifey): Are you STILL on that computer!? You cannot call not it and not even head to the shower!

Me (now yelling because Hubby is yelling): We are in a fight! I am going to write you a hate blog!

Me: Running to shower

Rules for Inflicting St. Patrick’s Day Pinches

I have succeeded in pinching 4, 5, 6, 7 8 people so far, and it is still morning. And not just lightly either; they said I am not playing by the rules. BUT, I totally AM. After much searching and cross-examinination to find a rulebook for St. Patrick’s Day Pinching, I have decided to come up with a compilation of rules. Here is what I found:

Eat your hearts out, non-green wearers, for you WILL be pinched.

THE RULES

1.      Must be wearing green (in clothing) not on clothing. Green nail polish, green hair barrettes, and green stars are all examples of things that DO NOT count. Thus, you will be pinched.

2.      You are obligated to pinch someone not wearing green, if you don’t the leprechauns will not give you any luck and you will be miserable for the next ten years.

3.      Green MUST be visible, to not be pinched. (Green undergarments DO NOT count, unless you are willing to show them)

4.      Doesn’t matter if you don’t celebrate St. Patrick’s Day. You MUST wear green. Everyone else celebrates it, so you will be pinched, this is not a choice.

5.      The pincher has the right to pinch the non-green wearer as many times as he/she wants, however if you inadvertently pinch someone that IS wearing green (i.e. green must be in clothing—visibleness is key– green stars, barrettes, etc. DO NOT count, see Rule 1) than that person can pinch the inflictor back 10 times.

6.      Conspire with others to find out who you may have missed (pinching wise). Compare notes, go back and pinch the people you missed.

7.      Pinch hard enough to leave a bruise; that way the non green wearer will have a green bruise left from your pinch…thus they will then be wearing green.

8.      Take advantage of this day of abuse. Make sure to pinch people you really don’t like hard. This tactic might also keep them away from you in the future, especially at work.

9.      Tell everyone that is not wearing green that you are doing them a favor: wearing green hides you from the evil leprechauns. Trust me, you don’t want to run into one of THOSE. I am doing you a favor by pinching you….kinda like the cootie shot, only better!

10. Those that have the “secret card” are home free, put it in your wallet/purse and give it to those that try and pinch you. Do you have the secret card?

 

Well, hope this helps those of you that are mean like me see clarity in your pinching rights because it is important to know your rights as a pincher.

Happy Pinching, and hope you all have a good St. Patrick’s Day!

"secret card"

 

SOURCES: Wikipedia, Yahoo Answers, ask.com, Ken, and other miscellaneous websites.

What Makes a Marriage Work?

This morning I was listening to my sister’s brother-in-law, Mike, on his morning radio show (does that make him my honorary bro in law, since I torture him mercilessly?) at his radio station (check ‘em out they play great music and the morning conversations are amusing), QMFM: http://www.qmfm.com/terryandtara.php?p=terrytara.htm

(sure another shameless plug, but he put my check in the mail, right Mike?)

 

It got me thinking (and that doesn’t happen all the time J). The topic was on marriage and how to make it work, and I am no expert in this area– by any means, but I do have some key things that I think work for Hubby and I, which I thought I would share with you all:

 

1.      Laughter– at yourself and each other. (For all the times I make fun of Hubby, I think it is important to realize that no one is perfect and by being able to laugh at each other, it can only bring you closer)

 

2.      Talk through your problems…or yell through them (Don’t hold stuff inside because you will just end up hurting yourself and each other)

 

3.      Develop rules (AKA the NOT IT rule…..sure, we might laugh about this….but NOT IT keeps the playful spirit alive, The Rules)

 

4.      Remember at the end of the day, no matter how hard or bad it was….that you still have each other ( I know, awwww)

 

5.      Be adventurous and take risks (what have you got to lose?)

 

6.      Be real with each other (one thing I can always depend on Hubby for is his ability to tell it like it is)

 

7.      Remember that marriage is work (it doesn’t take luck to make it work, but real hard work…you have to be involved and willing to try, but that is what makes it more fulfilling)!

 

8.      Don’t try and change each other (Hubby will never change me, no matter how much he tries to get me to cook or clean—but, I think that is part of my charm—and even though I complain about him, I wouldn’t change a thing!)

 

9.      It is no longer about me only, but us (yea, I am still working on this one….but Hubby reminds me that things are “ours”)

 

10.  Be patient (also not a strongpoint for me, but hey I couldn’t have gotten where I am today without him!)

 

Well, these are my own tidbits I have learned, and while I am by no means perfect (I like to think I am), I do realize when I have a good thing…..and I couldn’t live without Hubby! I need him, and I think he needs me to make him laugh at himself and realize life couldn’t be better with anyone else…good times and bad, right Hubby?

Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder…

Dear Hubby,

I am so excited for you to come home tomorrow. I have missed you so! The NOT IT rule is no fun when you are not here to scream it to. You are therefore, banned from leaving me alone from here on! Here are the things I won’t miss:

*Feeding the pets in the morning (they are evil)

*No one to talk too, besides the pets (all they care about is food…after that, they want nothing to do with me)

*Taking the trash out (that is a boy’s job)

*Making dinners (let’s just face it, I suck)

*Having no one to boss around (Rae doesn’t listen….EVER)

*Sharing the bed with the pets (they are bed hogs, especially Patches)

*Having to clean up cat vomit myself, rather than calling NOT IT (NOT FUN)

*Lack of bedtime conversations where I make fun of you (leaves a void)

*Your advice, even though I never listen (in my defense, I am deaf sometimes)

*And mostly, no one to kiss me goodnight and tell me they love me (even when I am mean and don’t deserve it)

I promise not to take you for granted anymore…ok, well maybe not for one week…gotta have realistic goals here!

Love, Wifey

Who Knew?

But, I really miss the Hubby!

I tried cooking dinner tonight: tacos. They were remotely successful, but I had no idea how much work it is to cook! Plus, there is no one here to torment and Rae is not nearly fun enough to boss around, plus half the time she doesn’t listen.

Hubby, I miss you. Please come home soon (with both your arms, please) and cook me dinners again. Plus, the NOT IT rule (The Rules) is no fun by myself because I never win!

Sad day.

The Internal Debate

I am not admitting to anything….just want your opinions and am curious! Shhhhh don’t tell Hubby that I do this. Plus I am hoping the odds are in my favor!