Oscar the Grouch

It’s just been one of those weeks. Filled with stress and lack of sleep and now it has compounded where any little thing feels like it will set me off.

Like what? Well, let me start the list:

1. There is never anything “good” for dinner. We have no food and are poor. I hate grocery shopping and yea, sure Hubby tries to “find” stuff to make out of nothing in our fridge, but I am just tired of eating the same old frozen pizza dinners. So then Hubby gets mad at me because I don’t like anything he suggests. JERK.

2. My middle sister asks me if I am PMSing since I am being a “a jerk.” Whatever, maybe I am, but I don’t feel overtaken by the crazy, chocolate monsters yet…so maybe I am not. JERK

3. I decide to go to bed early, in the hopes that IF i get enough sleep I will wake up happier, excited to go to work (yea, right) and get more done. But, instead I am awoken in hour by the youngest sister who decides to have a loud silverware dropping food session in the kitchen at midnight. AWESOME. It not only sounds like World War III in the kitchen, but now all the pets are up whining and bothering me too. Guess I AM not sleeping tonight. JERK

4. Boston, my favorite cat, will not stop sneezing. And he will not stop sneezing in my face at night, so his sneezes get all over me. I think he has allergies. But, Hubby doesn’t want to take him to the vet because we just spent a small fortune on Americus there. But he is my baby, and if he gets sick I get freaked out. SAD

5. It is ONLY Thursday and this week is not over yet. It is the longest week EVER and I still have to go to a 3 hour meeting on Friday afternoon (when my I-care-level is at 0 and I had a 4.5 hour meeting this past Monday. What is it with meetings? DUMB

6. I just want to know what we are doing….i.e. jobs, living situations, and real life. I am tired of being stuck in limbo-land. P.S. I have the patience the size of a small paper clip. DUMB

7. I planned on drinking last night, to make me nicer, however I found out we have close to no booze…ok, we just don’t have what I want. Which is a whole bottle of red wine (to myself) or crown with coke (the best thing to drink when you have to shovel snow—not that we are experiencing any snow, but it is the shoveler’s drink of choice). DUMB

8. I forgot to make my lunch last night and I am out of Ramen at work. DUMB

 I think I need a vacation OR a really, really stiff drink.

Survival of the Wittiest….or something like that.

The season finale version of America’s Next Top Blogger is brought to you by a fellow blogger, who just might be my twin sister. Well you know how they always say there is a twin out there of you….I think I found my writing twin….the brit, the american and the rest of australia.  

the american would like to know about etiquette:

 

1.       If you bump into someone, say a colleague, and they say “hi, how was your weekend/how are you?” is it rude to just say “hi. fine.” and not ask how their weekend was? i do it all the time but feel like an asshole. but really i don’t care.

2.      If you sit across from someone who has hayfever and is sneezing all day, do you have say “Gezhundeit/bless you” every time or can you just say it once and leave it that without explaining yourself?

3.      If someone kind of smelly sits next to you on the bus/tram/train/waiting room (but they’re not homeless or anything. it’s just been a hot day and they’re wearing a suit), is it rude to get up and sit someplace else? i did that the other day and got the look of death. wha…?

4.      When we get cupcakes catered in for someone’s birthday the office, is it rude to skip the “happy birthday” speech in the beginning and just show up late, grab a cupcake and run back to you desk?

Whew, you definitely have some interesting questions. And I have some answers.

I will let you in on a little secret.

What I say and what I am thinking, especially at work, usually don’t coincide, but that is because I am surrounded by crazies, so I see it more like survival of the wittiest, only under my breath. I know, if ONLY I really could say what I was thinking all the time. But, alas, the world doesn’t work that way.

My advice:  answer these questions really, really honestly and people will stop asking you questions and just avoid you, which is the ultimate goal, right? So, I will now attempt to answer your questions

Sure, I may sound a little nuts, but who isn’t these days?

Here are the answers I would give to your questions:

1.      My weekend was horrible, I spent the whole weekend in the toilet and had explosive squirts. I think I might still have them. OOOOOO I just felt something gotta run, bye!  (See this way, you answered, and left just as quickly…)

2.      Well, being that I was just sick and attempting to spread my germs in mass destruction, I would instead say: Are you trying to get me sick? Why don’t you just go home? I am allergic to sick people. Then start scratching yourself and rubbing your eyes. If this doesn’t work, at least you can tell your boss about your “allergies” and go home anyways.

3.      I would most definitely move seats! Only I would say…sorry, I haven’t showered in days and I don’t think anyone should be subjected to my stench. Plus, I just ate a bean burrito from Taco Bell and it isn’t sitting so well…..

4.      My suggestion….go before anyone gets there…eat all the cupcakes and then show up and ask where they all are, but make sure to leave a little frosting on your lips!

So, that is my definition for etiquette. Do we share the same brain?

The Coupon Nazi

This weekend we did our major Thanksgiving grocery shopping and let me tell you….it was not fun. However, we did do our homework and research because Frys Grocery Store is accepting competitors coupons, so we had to maximize our grocery shopping! We researched and cut millions of coupons…and saved a lot of money in the meantime. Upon check out time….we had the worst time. The coupon nazi (he was young) basically wanted to re-see every item (mind you the bagger had already bagged all our items….) so he was driving us crazy. As we apologized to people in line, they were even on our side (one lady exclaimed) hey they did their homework, give them their deals!

This kid was crazy……I finallly was like you know what I am not going to unbag all of our items to prove to you I got the matching item. After much consternation, I think he finally gave in towards the end, but he was crazy dude–and slow…he was like did you get this, and this?. Personally, I didn’t see the point in fighting over a dollar off deoderant, right? I mean come on…..anyways….that was our Sunday….at least the chaos of grocery shopping is done and we are on our way to a full kitchen. Why is it that grocery shopping around the time of the holidays is so painful? And why are there coupon nazi’s? I mean if you advertise it…and we do our homework and take the time to carefully shop down each and every aisle to mazimize the purchase—then don’t hassle me OR come along and be my personal shopper!