Today on America’s Next Top Blogger we will uncover the mystery and meaning behind my crazy sister’s (Middlechildadvice\’s Blog ) probing question.
Her topic is: Blog about your amazing middle sister—how amazing she is, how you want to be just like her and how you will never reach that goal. Are you puking in your mouth just yet? Cause I am. Truly.
My middle sister, Sar is far from amazing. Really. If you go back and look through our photo albums– every picture of me and Sar is me sitting on her, trying to crush her in some form or another. Or I have a crazed look in my eyes like I am plotting her demise (and NO I do not always have the crazed look, although it does run in the family). So, our history of me wanting to BE like her is non-existent. But, for the purpose of this blog, AND to follow the rules I can give you some insight into her “amazingness” as she likes to call it.
How my Middle Sister is AMAZING
1. She ate cat food on a dare (and liked it)
2. Sar thought Washington DC was located in Washington State. Until she went there and learned this wasn’t so. She has always been a little slow.
3. She always wanted to fly on a plane herself. She finally did when she was in her 20s. Now she thinks she knows everything about flying. This is not the case.
4. Growing up, Sar used to hide food she didn’t like (she said she couldn’t chew it) in her napkin on the back of her chair, so the dog would eat it.
5. Sar used to have a nickname growing up, Dizzy Lizzy, cause she used to spin around in circles a million times and fall to the floor. For those of you that know her this explains a lot, doesn’t it?
6. The middle sister has always been jealous of the other sisters, so when she was little she used to point at people, so she could get attention. Mom always told her to stop pointing because it is rude, but in childhood photos you will see pictures of her pointing, on purpose.
7. Sar used to bring home all kinds of weird friends, kind of like the crazy cat lady.
8. She used to hide in the bathroom for hours to get out of chores like dishes. Immediately after dinner, she would hop up say “I have to go to the bathroom!” She would only reemerge after the dishes were done. She still does this.
9. She has a tendency for making you feel bad if you won’t accept her gifts. IE She never cleans the cat litter, and so in turn the cats will poo on the floor, next to the litter. She will then tell her Hubby that the cats left him a “present” and he shouldn’t complain because they made it specially for him. Messed up, right?
10. She has a tendency to wreck every car she has ever had, knock on wood, and yet my parents still buy her cars. What?!
11. If Rae and I gang up on her, she says we should stop being mean because she is going to need years of therapy to recover from all the damage we have caused her.
12. She secretly wishes she were an only child because she likes all the attention for herself. This is why she bring out her parlor tricks at events (like analyzing people’s handwriting) so people will swarm her and beg her to tell them more about themselves.
13. She loves really random movies like Lars and the Real Girl, Slither, and Into the Wilderness because it makes her feel smart…like she “gets” something others don’t.
14. She likes to feel important. That is why you have to tell her she is “AMAZING” 20 times a day, or she will cease to exist.
15. When Sar was younger, she was obsessed with cologne. She used to sniff my Uncle Jody who wore Polo and tell him that one day she would marry him. To this day, she is still obsessed with cologne, but not Polo.
16. She also thought she would grow up to be the Blue Fairy from Pinocchio. She is to this day, still obsessed with the color blue.
17. She used to turn everything in my room upside down, when she was mad at me. I still get mad, just thinking about this!
18. She needs constant reaffirmation that she is amazing that is why I am making her this list. However, she doesn’t know words, so she will probably look up the word reaffirmation.
19. She used to sleepwalk and try and go out to the pool for a midnight swim. Luckily, Mom always caught her because I might have missed her if she drowned, only a little bit.
20. She is obsessed with cats. One day, when she is old, she will turn into the old cat lady, and her home will be filled with poo because she never cleans the litter.
21. She actually OWNS a tee shirt that says “It’s ALL about me.” This is the most truthful she has ever been.
22. When we were kids, she used to follow me everywhere because I was super cool. She wanted to BE ME. Now that we are older, she still wants to be me. And I am still cool.
23. As a child she used to have really bad hearing, so I used to just move my lips so she would think she was deaf. To this day she is still traumatized if anyone does this to her.
24. She loves her cat more than her Hubby, but so do I!
25. She is definitely out there, but AMAZING in her own SPECIAL NEEDS sort of way.
Me and Baby Sar, so trusting, isn't she?