Category Archives: family

My Sister, the Birthday Whore

middle

Yesterday was my sister, Sar’s, birthday and she was CRAZY. Why, you ask? Well let’s start the list:

1. She thinks everyone has to stop everything because it is HER day….ummm hello? Some people have to work.

2. She thinks she doesn’t get a day, but a whole month…..yea right. Everyone knows that only Christmas babies (AKA me) get a whole month to celebrate their birthdays!

3. She refuses to share birthday celebrations with her Hubby. We ALREADY had birthday bash this weekend…but it was for her Hubby, which means we have to have another birthday bash exclusively for her. CRAZY.

4. Lastly because I get these kinds of emails from her, while at work:

(Clearly, she is delusional and clearly she left off the list the BEST part: ALCOHOL)

So I wanted a healthy dinner tonight. – Chopped salad
Spinach salad
boiled eggs
peppers
cucumbers
cilantro
turkey bacon (i think we have some)
grapes
walnuts
Gorgonzola cheese – or the smoked Gouda chopped up in it.
olives
artichokes
rotisserie chicken – we should just buy and cut some of the flavorful chicken in the salad – yum
good salad dressing – I really want the cilantro dressing from trader joe’s – maybe i’ll run by and pick some up on my way home.
And anything else good you can think of to add
french bread with olive oil (we have the olive oil)

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Filed under family, Sisters, Uncategorized

My Most Prized Possession

So this past weekend, Honorary Brother in Law (HBIL), came in from Vancouver for a visit because it was his brothers’ and my sisters’, Middlechildadvice\’s Blog , birthday bash celebration. We had a great time celebrating everyone’s birthdays and hanging out with the various family members.

However, I was less than pleased to see HBIL because we weren’t really on speaking terms.

Why you ask?

Well, HBIL had the audacity to tell me that he went to a Britney Spear’s Concert and basically sat so close to the stage he could have touched her  (he is a closet Britney fan AND he works for the radio) and DID NOT TAKE ME! Then he puts all these amazing pictures up on his facebook page, just to rub it in my face. RUDE, right?

This is how close he was....

This is how close he was....

I love you Britney

I love you Britney

Me: I am not talking to you or listening to you on the radio anymore.

HBIL: I would have invited you, BUT I didn’t think you had a passport.

Me: I HAVE a passport.

HBIL (smiling craftily): Oh……well……. I did get you a present.

Me (clearly SUPER EXCITED): OMG, what is it? Did you get me her autograph?

HBIL: No better……..

Me: Well, what is it?

HBIL: (pulling out something slowly and dramatically on purpose)

 

ACTUAL confetti from Britney's concert!

ACTUAL confetti from Britney's concert!

Me: What is this?

HBIL: It is a piece of confetti from Britney’s concert, but not just ANY piece of confetti, this piece Britney actually LOOKED at…while it dropped from the sky and I grabbed one for you …knowing you would treasure it always!

And that dear readers, is why I am no longer mad at HBIL. For now.

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Hangin with the Bro-in-Law

tongu

So, the Brother in Law (BIL) and I went out last week to the movies (I Love You, Man) and then my favorite, drinks at Yardhouse. We had fun; basically we wanted my sister (who was on vacay in FL) to realize that WE can have fun without her!  It was my furlough day…which I am really starting to fully embrace.

Me: I LOVE furlough days!

Me (surprised): I had fun hanging with you…who knew we would have so much fun together!

BIL: I know! You aren’t so bad!

Me: What is THAT supposed to mean?

BIL: Uhhhhh….that didn’t come out right….

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Freezer Mugs Can Start Fights

freezer-mug

This weekend, while visiting Hubby’s Grandmother the funniest thing happened. We went over to their place for cocktail hour before dinner and Hubby cracked open a beer.

Grandmother: You want a mug for that?

Hubby: Sure, I guess so.

She then proceeded to walk over to the bar area and holds out about six of those freezer mugs. You know, the kind that you should put in the freezer, so when you pull them out they are nice and cold for that perfect, ice cold beer? MMM I am getting thirsty just thinking about it. Well, she didn’t really know the purpose of the freezer mug.

Hubby: Grandmother, I think you are supposed to put those in the freezer, that way they are nice and cold and keep your drink that way.

Grandmother: Oh, I wasn’t really sure what they were for. I guess I didn’t realize they don’t stay iced if you don’t put them in the freezer. Silly me.

So, she takes all six of those mugs and puts them into the freezer and her significant other (SO) asks her what she is doing. They then proceed to argue about the significance of freezer mugs for about 10 minutes:

Grandmother: Did you know you have to KEEP these in the freezer for them to work?

SO (crabby-like): Huh, what? Why do mugs go in the freezer? That’s stupid.

Grandmother: So they stay nice and cold. I didn’t realize they melted.

SO: Huh, why would they melt? I don’t understand.

Grandmother: Because they are a FREEZER mug.

SO: But, why doesn’t he just drink his beer out of the bottle? What does he need this mug for? WHY does it go in the freezer?

And that is how the freezer mug started a fight….

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Chainsaw Snores and Waffle Nazi’s

waffle

So, this past weekend, Hubby and I went to California to visit his family for his Grandmother’s birthday. I must admit, I was a little remiss to make a turn-around trip ( mostly because I HATE road trips, I am just not a good traveler and we were up there for one one whole day and half the next morning), but I am glad we went. We had a great time with the family despite some minor obstacles.

We drove up late Saturday night and arrived basically in time to go to bed. Hubby was hoping a night without the pets and a NOISY sister would allow for a good night’s sleep. (AWWW, isn’t he sweet?) However, he couldn’t have been MORE wrong on that one. His dad, in the next room, was snoring SO LOUD that I thought he might wake up the entire hotel. And I don’t mean light snoring, I mean shaking our room so the walls shake and there might be an earthquake snoring. I mean just imagine that the snoring is SO.VERY.LOUD that even a pillow over your head won’t block out the noise! Yea, it was bad and since I could barely sleep, I decided to wake Hubby up too.

What? He shouldn’t be sleeping, if I’m not!

Me: PSSSST Hubby!

Hubby: Huh….Wha?

Me: HOW does your Mom sleep through THAT snoring?

Hubby(falling back asleep): Ugh. I have no idea

Me: PSSSST Hubby…I can’t sleep. PSST. PSST PSST…..

fastforward next morning

Dad: How’d you guys sleep?

Us: NOT AT ALL! YOU SNORE!

Dad: No I don’t. I wear breath right strips.

Us: They don’t work!

So then we all decide to go to breakfast. The hotel we were staying at had a waffle maker where you could make your own waffles! I was SUPER excited. I.LOVE.FOOD. And am particulary fond of breakfast food. However here’s what happened:

There I am minding my own business, making waffles when I am approached by a crazy-haired waffle nazi lady (WNL) with a psycho look in her eye.

WNL: Whose waffle is in there?

Me: Mine.

WNL: Well, did you set the timer? I mean geez.

Me: No, I don’t need timers, I can magically sense when it is done. I am just THAT good. (under my breath so she didn’t hear me): psycho I am going to throw my waffle in your face

WNL: I mean geezus there are A LOT of people here wanting waffles. You can’t hog the waffle machine!

She was terrible people, she was just crazy and very obnoxious about the waffle machine. Who knew that waffles would bring out the worst in people?

How do these crazies ALWAYS find me…even on vacation?

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Filed under conflict, Crazies, family, Uncategorized

SEX-tuple

sextuple

There is this game on the iphone that I am addicted to. Hubby found it, and I LOVE it. It is called Sextuple. It is a word challenge game where you are timed to make words. The goal is to find the six letter word before you run out of time. It makes you think. And being the genius that I am, it always helps to keep my brain sharp. 🙂

Anyways, a few weekends ago, I taught my mom how to play it.

Mom: What are you doing?

Me: Playing a game.

Mom: What game? I wanna play!

Me: NO! It is MY game.

Mom: Let me play. What is it called?

Me: Sextuple.

Mom (incredulous): Wha?

Me: SEXTUPLE

Mom: Really?

Me: MOM! Get your mind out of the gutter. SEXT means six letter word.

Mom: Yea, I knew that…..

Me: Mom, you are a sicko!

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Filed under family, iphone

Not a person…

So Rae and the Hostage were talking, as they were reading my blog.

Rae: Hostage, no one agrees with you on the blog. They all think you are WRONG.

Hostage: That is because I AM not a person on the blog.

Rae: What do you mean? Your name is Hostage. You are a person.

Hostage: More like a slave. A slave isn’t a person.

Me (piping in): Of course they are! I mean back in the day people would trade things for slaves. They were such a hot commodity. Don’t you know history?

Hostage: More like a pet.

Me: Nah, people love their pets more, I think.

Hostage: Yea, I told you! I am not a person.

Me and Rae: EVIL LAUGH.

Poor, poor ex-hostage.

slavedom

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Filed under family, I am a genius