Moved–FOR REALS THIS TIME!

Monday= GIVEAWAY DAY!

Check out the cool free stuff at: goodbadandugly2.com!

Well, it’s official. I am moving! No, really! Come join me at goodbadandugly2.com you won’t want to miss out on the most exciting giveaway that has me trembling with excitement. I won’t be updating this site anymore…so if you don’t want to miss out, come join me!

Monday is the big day—for giveaways and celebration because this project was no easy task! The new site is officially launched and you all can start clicking on ads, so I can earn some money (make Hubby proud, people or just support my blogging addiction, either way you are helping me out)!

Make sure you check back on Monday because you won’t want to miss out on a big exciting giveaway. It is WAY awesome and something that will make you chuckle with glee.

So be sure to follow me on my new adventure and site! Don’t forget to change your bookmarks!

 New Site: goodbadandugly2.com

 

And a HUGE thank you to my friend, GB, for helping me through the “creative” process! I literally thought I would kill you at times…but I LOVE the new site…except for….just kidding! And for helping me, after I messed up my site yesterday too…I PROMISE to never touch anything again…

Not a genius…

So, I am not a genius today (shocking, right?).

I was messing around in the new site, NOT making any changes…just seeing what stuff did….and I did something. Apparently something bad cause it isn’t working.

Don’t know what I did…..but hang in there….no one is sadder than me, I think I need to not touch things anymore….

Emails to GB, web person friend, who will probably kill me—I’m thinking he needs to child proof my site  (me being the child here).

Me: Uhhhh you better take a look at my site…..it is messed up, but I didn’t do it!

GB: What did you do? Did you touch something?

Me: No

Me: Well….I mean, I DID just click one plugin thingy to see what it was…and so it MIGHT have been my fault.

GB: no answer, silence

Dear Hubby Part 1

Don’t really miss you yet and I am doing fine.

 Barely any bad behavior…even did the dishes, however Rae and The Hostage keep making more.

I love having the bed to myself….except I am constantly fighting Patches for space.

I am still thinking the whole concept of getting our own separate twin beds would work.

Think about it, this could be cute! How about it?

Love,

Wifey

The Battle Continues…

Score:

Pets: 3     Me: 1 (chased them all, while wildly flailing my arms)

Monster House

Hubby called yesterday to see if I was behaving myself. Well, as we all know…I am never one to behave myself…especially when I don’t get my afternoon nap in on my furlough day. 

Hubby: So, what have you been up to?

Me: Scaring small children in the neighborhood.

Hubby: How?

Me: Well, this little boy came to our door and wanted me to go look for his ball that he threw into our yard. I went out and looked for it, but couldn’t find it. It was annoying, it was like he wanted me to fetch his ball and I wasn’t all about that. So, I told him he could come in and go into the backyard and look for it if he wanted it that bad. I mean, he shouldn’t have thrown it into our yard in the first place. Only he got really scared and said “I don’t think my Mom would let me go into a stranger’s house.” So, I said sorry—I can’t find it….and shut the door and locked it.

(Note: Now before you all get mad at me, you need to realize our backyard is filled with weeds that come up to my knees AND giant landmines….not people friendly….so while I did take a quick glance around….I wasn’t about hacking through our weed jungle to find the missing ball. AND the kids are constantly throwing stuff into our backyard….so forgive me for my lack of patience.)

Hubby: Awww poor little boy! You are so mean. He probably now associates you as the MEAN OLD LADY in the neighborhood. Way to start a reputation.

Hard Realizations

      Did you know my name means wealthy? Yea, not happening…..

4 AM Wakeup Call

4:00 AM wakeup call on my furlough day. NOT COOL.

MEOW!   MEOW!   MEOW!

Americus started the ruckus by swinging at the blinds in our room, over my head. I tried not to move. Any signs of movement….and they will pounce, if they notice. I believe the cats sit up on on their hind legs, extend a paw, slash the blinds and stare at my head….waiting for signs of movement. If they see that their efforts are in vain, then they begin phase 2: stomach walking (crushing) and licking of eyelids–that usually does the trick, movement is unavoidable. Trust me on this one, sandpaper tongue on your eyelids isn’t the best feeling.

It is SO on……

Demons.

Score:

Pets: 2    Me: 0

Why don’t they do this when Hubby is here?

When Hubby is Away the Cat will Play….

So, Hubby is out and about again on some consulting work. It is quite exciting really, because I get the bed to myself for 2 weeks. However, I will miss annoying him.  The truth is, I already (kind of) miss him…but don’t tell him that!

Whenever Hubby goes out of town, the pets always tend to act up a little. For instance, after getting up at 4:30AM to take Hubby to the airport, I decided to let Patches out quick to go potty and then my plan was to go straight back to bed. However, Americus, had other plans. There I was opening the door for Patches to come back in (just a crack mind you). When out runs Americus.

!!$(*#$(#*#

Me: Americus get back in here!

So, I run out after her, inadvertantly shutting the door behind me, which I had conviently locked. (Not genius material, people)

So there I am outside, locked out, with Americus staring up at me. I wanted to strangle her.

Eventually, I broke in through an open window. However, this is strike one against her. It’s like she KNOWS Hubby is away and figures it is her job to keep me entertained….nice right?

Score:

Pets: 1             Me: 0

Love is Patient…

Over the weekend, I was procrastinating. This entailed moving at a snail-like pace….barely getting ready to go out. Hubby wanted to take my car in because it has been acting funny.

Me (playing at the computer, caught in the act)

Hubby (meanly): WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! GET DONE. I don’t want to wait in long lines to get your car done!

Me(surprised he caught me): I am just taking a quick break, you were in my way!

Me: Clearly we need a break from each other! I can’t wait for you to leave this week!

Hubby: Me Too! How does leaving tomorrow for two weeks sound?

Me: That is just not soon enough!

And that is how much we love each other….ha ha

Weed Invasions and the Wonderful World of Rocks

A couple of weeks ago, I took a furlough day. What did I do with this wonderful day? I picked weeds.

(Note: Apparently, the NOT IT rule doesn’t work on weed picking. I want to see that fine print, Hubby.)

Not.Fun.

I used to think it would be amazing to live in the desert because of the lack of lawn maintenance, especially after moving from CT, where we had a yard the size of a medium jungle. Which was OH SO MUCH fun to maintain. So, once we got out West, I had a new-found passion for rocks. You know good ol’ rocks. You don’t have to mow them, you don’t have to clean them, you don’t have to maintain them. They simply just sit there and look pretty, so I thought.

BOY WAS I WRONG. How, you ask?

An infestation of weeds. We are not talking little, tiny weeds we are talking BIG, GYNORMOUS, HUGE Tree weeds. And not only are they HUGE, but their roots and stalks are the width of a paper towel roll. WHA?

Moral of Story: I HATE rocks. They are evil, they are NOT easy to maintain, and I guess I am just not cut out for yard work. AND I am lazy.

NOT IT Rules REINVOKED.

All you need is….

 Me: There is no beer in the fridge!

Hubby: Guess we better go to the store.

Me: We are broke.

Hubby: Beer is essential to life, guess we go without food.

 

 

 

The Black Line

 

So this weekend I attended a baby shower for my dearest, oldest friend (not old in the literal sense), but old as in we go way, way back! We joked about how long we have known each other, which stems back to Tot Lot, a place for kids almost ready for kindergarten. Yea, we go way back. She was always the quiet, good kid, and I was the not so quiet, I-can’t-help-that-I-have-a-loud-voice kid. She used to get me in trouble all the time, by whispering to me in her near silent voice“…want to come over today?”  Whereas, my whisper back “ WHAT DID YOU SAY?” would send me packing for the black line. For those of you that don’t know what a black line is…it was the line in the Kindergarten classroom separating the carpet from the tile floor. But, to me, it was the BLACK LINE of shame for those who committed the eternal sin of LOUD WHISPERS. Our friendship was always a strong one, after awhile the black line became my friend, as well as the family joke!

My grandparents would come to visit and they would ask, “Did you have to sit on the black line today?” and I would reply, “yes, but today it was a big black snake taking me for a ride through the desert.” AHHH if only the black line could come rescue me from my job during the course of the day! How I miss you, my friend!

The Alarm Clock from Hell

Ok, so here is the deal. I am not a morning person. The thought of getting up when it is still dark outside, is repulsive and just wrong. I would rather stay burrowed in my covers til mid afternoon if that was possible. So you can imagine how unforgiving I can be when the alarm clock goes off. NOT A PRETTY PICTURE! Now, the hubby can get up just fine, however he will hit the snooze button so many times that I will basically want to kill him. I don’t know what I have against the snooze button, but all I can say is that I am irrational in the morning, so there is no point in trying to understand it.

Lately, it is not the snooze button that is making me crazy, but our demon possessed cat, Americus. I believe she thinks she is THE NEWEST ALARM CLOCK on the market. She will begin her meowing, and I don’t mean meowing, I mean MEOWING at about 15 minutes before the alarm even makes a peep and will not stop until one of us gets out of bed to feed the demon. I don’t know what her deal is, is she meticulously trying to kill me in a slow, painful death? Or is this just her revenge because I like to squeeze her like Elmira from Tiny Toons? I really can’t help it, and I always thought she liked it….but they always say revenge comes in the simplest forms and if this is her revenge, then it is ON, baby!

Sisterly Love

I am the oldest (and cutest) of three sisters and since moving back out West, we are now in close proximity to each other. What I mean by this is: on foot it takes me 2 minutes to get to my sister’s house. Yea, it is AWESOME. So, you ask how’d we all get to be so close—in proximity and sisterly love? Well, it wasn’t always that way. Here are my recollections:

When Sar was first born, I was less then pleased. There was a new, annoying person taking over my parents, my toys, and MY attention! Then we got a little older and she started to annoy me even more, was this EVEN possible? I couldn’t go anywhere without her tagging along! My parents always insisted that I play with her in MY room. If she cried, I got the blame. If we were fighting, I had to give in first. She was a sneaky child; when she was mad, she was always one to let you know in different and unique ways, by sneaking into my room and turning all my belongings upside down. Trust me, when you are 9 years old subtlety can be a killer! I can remember begging my parents to get rid of her and give her to a nice family, but they never took me up on any of those requests!

Then something happened: Rae was born, the last and final child. All of the sudden, it wasn’t so bad sharing Barbie’s cause we could team up and give Rae the ugly ones that no one else wanted…and better yet she didn’t even notice! We could get her to do things for us, in order to allow her to play with us! Rae became that person we could pick on….double the torment, double the fun! Unbeknownst to Rae, we could manipulate her to do what we needed. I can recall the time we told her she was adopted, but not to mention it to Mom and Dad because it would make them cry! Yea, we were evil! But, overall, she wasn’t half bad and she usually could see past our evil ploys.

Eventually, we all got past our differences and now I can’t imagine a moment without either of my sisters, the little women! And I know they would be so SAD without me being so close to TORMENT them…some things never change!

Happily Ever After…

Me: When I get married again, I am going to marry a doctor!

Hubby: Good luck. 

Me: My name means wealthy!

Hubby: Too bad you changed it to mine, now you are S.O.L!

True love, eh?

A picture’s worth a thousand words

Jersey Mike’s

So, I have a confession to make. While living in Connecticut, I discovered the most SUCCULENT, AMAZING, MOUTH WATERING, BEST sub place in America. Hard to believe, huh? Trust me, I don’t need to pinch you….it exists! And it was the one thing I thought I would miss most. But, lucky for me, the stars were aligned.

One of the biggest factors to consider when deciding to move out West was:  did Jersey Mike’s even exist out in the desert? If not, the decision to move would be harder than I thought! Luckily, I was told by the CT store that one was being built out West. Thankfully, I could now get my fix there too (yes, I am an addict, and yes I need help…do not judge me).

I continued to stalk and call (they already had a phone number listed on the website…but no one ever answered) the new building in the hopes that I could will it to be done that much faster, and luckily in no time it was the Grand Opening! As you can imagine, I was there on opening day, ready and waiting for my #7 sandwich, Mike’s Way of course! MMMMMM! So, my feeding frenzy continued to thrive and trust me, it is not pretty!

I cannot even explain my obsession with this place, if I do not have it at least once I week, I feel like my hunger cannot be quenched. Much to the hubby’s chagrin, I know where every store is out here and where new ones will pop up. I will probably cause us to go broke with my continual obsession with this sub shop, but he will have to get over it, or divorce me first. J

My advice to you is to go find one in your area and try it for yourself, if you don’t drop down in a dead faint from its wonderfulness, then I will be shocked! Trust me, once you have had the “Jersey Mike Experience” you will either feel the same way, or you can be entitled to your own wrong opinion, but know that you are wrong—very, very wrong!

 

 

Crazy People and Me

I think I have a knack for meeting the oddest people out there. Either I emit some type of a signal that says…”come talk to me crazy people” or it could be I am like catnip for the crazies, not sure which yet.

When I lived in CT, I tended to meet all kinds of wackos. Once, while working at a nameless job in CT, I worked with a girl who used to mimic me all the time. No I am not kidding. At first, I thought she was just talking to herself, no biggie. But, I soon noticed the words that came out were usually statements I had made about a minute ago. This girl was NUTS. I can recall one conversation with her: (I will call her CL for Crazy Lady)

CL: I love Garlic bagels, I eat them every day. I am sure they make my breath stink, but I LOVE them.

Me: uh huh (then answering phone) Hi. How can I help you.

CL:  mimicking, “hi, how can I help you.”

Me to CL:  Can you tell me why you are mimicking me, while I am on the phone?

CL:  I like to mimic and copy you. It is just what I do.

Who does that?

One time the hubby and I were in Blockbuster. We walked in front of a lady who was looking at movies, so the hubby says….

H: Excuse me, maam.

CL#2   grabs him by the arm while declaring in a very, very loud voice: YOU AREN’T FROM HERE, ARE YOU?

 H: No maam. (Hubby looks scared, I whisper to him, just play along, she is probably crazy—at this point I am unphased).

CL#2 states (still shrieking loudly) you just made my day! For saying excuse me, no one does that anymore! Then walks away cackling loudly.

Where do these people come from?

Lastly, when first moving to CT, we lived in a duplex. (Us on the bottom, crazy neighbors on top).  First night we move in, I unknowingly parked on his side of the Carport. CN (crazy neighbor) comes barreling down the road and proceeds to stop by the carport and starts screaming at me:

CN: What the F*** are you doing in my spot! Get the H*** out. That is MY SPOT.

Me: (thinking he is about to burst a blood vessel in his forehead) Hi, I am your new neighbor, didn’t know this was your spot. Nice to meet you!

So, as you can tell by the above events I attract crazy people like ants to a dropped piece of candy on the ground! I don’t know how I do it! Hopefully, I can stop this soon, but I have a feeling they will find me sooner or later, they always do. (TWILIGHT ZONE theme music)

Ignorance is Bliss…

Hubby: Did you check the mail today?

Me: No, there are probably only yucky bills in there; so why bother? Let me pretend to live in denial for a few more days!

He loves me not…

 

My hubby got an iphone this weekend. I don’t think he loves me anymore. I haven’t seen him in days.

I guess I have been replaced.

BBQs, Apples To Apples and Drinking Don’t Mix

This weekend the hubby BBQ’d up a big brisket, and we had my sisters and her hubby over for a night of fun. As can be expected, we ate, we drank and were merry. However, some of us had too much to drink. J (Hint: not me)

We also played a game called Apples to Apples. For those of you that don’t know how to play this game, here’s what you do essentially:  You each draw seven red cards and then each person takes turns selecting a green card. The people without the green cards select a red card from their hand, which best describes the green card that was played. If the green card person likes your card, you win. Here is the interesting part: some people choose the strangest card , some choose the most likely card, some choose the dirtiest card, well you get my drift. Anyways, it is a pretty fun game, especially the more you drink!  And when playing with family, it can get pretty rowdy.

An Example from our night of fun:

The card being played is horny. We all submit cards the person with the green card is Sar.  I assume I am going to win with my card…”going to Grandma’s” because she usually picks the oddest one in the bunch. (Please don’t ask me why! At the time I didn’t have good cards in my hand). I just wanted to win.

She chooses raspberry. Her hubby wins!

Me: WHAT?! How can a raspberry win?

Her: Fruit can be a turn on! (this was said verbatim)

Her Hubby:  (TURNING BRIGHT RED COLORS.)

Me: I don’t want to know this!

Rae: I think I am going to puke! (Runs to Bathroom)

Me: HA HA me too.               

Sar: I think she is really puking!

Me: Oh, I thought she just broke the seal.

Rae: (Back) What is rubbing my foot?

My Hubby: Oops! I was playing footsies with you; I thought that was the dog!

Moral of Story:  Apples to Apples and Drinking don’t mix well…and for the BBQ….that part doesn’t come up so well, right Rae? J

 

 

 

Conflict Resolution 101

Last week my workplace offered a conflict resolution session which I attended. (Well actually, three of my co-workers insisted the class was strictly for me, so I had better take advantage of it!) These westerners aren’t used to my sarcastic humor, I guess.

 I learned that one should never be afraid of a little conflict because it can only make you stronger…..or teach you how to become better at picking fights with people in creative and sometimes sarcastic manners. Which I suppose could only lead to bad things, unless you are trying to see what type of personality the aggressor is to test if their reactions are based on what you’ve learned in class: about personality styles and the way the different styles deal with conflict head on. But, I ramble….

The moral of the story is: Conflict can be good and bad, until you get in a physical, hair pulling fight to resolve it. Then you had better start looking for another job. Take your pick.

Irrational Fears and the Ice Cream Man

So there is an ice cream truck that drives through our neighborhood on a daily basis. I don’t know why I cringe in fear every time I hear his creepy music go past our house; he basically frightens me.  I think my fear stems from a movie I saw when I was a kid. I don’t know much more, my recollections are the ice cream man would drive through the neighborhoods and get kids to follow him with his tasty treats. He would then open the back of his truck shove them in and they would fall through an icy tunnel into another land. I supposed kind of like Narnia—-but not as pretty. And would never be seen from or heard of again.

Even the ice cream van is scary! It is an old, beat up white van…no posters, no decorations with kiddie music (but more like a bad record player) playing in high pitches, so that it makes Patches go crazy every time he goes past (see even she knows he is evil).

Now hubby LOVES the ice cream man, whenever he hears the music he starts getting all excited and I have to hold him back and remind him of my irrational fear. But, usually to no avail. Someday he will believe me, but then again it might be too late. Someday when he doesn’t come back, I will know the ice cream man got him!

Meet the Neighbors

Since moving to our new neighborhood, we have met a few of our neighbors. All seem relatively nice and cordial. The neighbors we haven’t met, as of yet, are the ones that live directly behind us. However, we did meet them at about 2am one night, as some of them (highschool age) proceeded to try and jump into our backyard after the cops were called. We solved this problem real fast by letting Patches out, as we told her “Bite their heines!” (I don’t really know if she understood, but she certainly ran around like a psycho barking…..which hopefully startled them enough.) So, in the meantime, we figured they were just kids having parties, while their parents are out of town, no harm in that, right? Well, little did we know that the very next weekend there was another party and another round of cops and some proclamations of “west side, south side.” This time we were armed with all the numbers we needed…HOA, police, etc.

This was all about a month ago, since then it has been relatively peaceful and quiet at 2am on Saturday, which is great. Now the biggest irony is that this “gang house” (which is what I call it) is riddled (no pun intended) with Halloween décor. I mean the decorations are everywhere! Pumpkins, witches, spiders, cobwebs in the window, lights, you name it they have it. I am contemplating dressing up as a gangster and trick or treating, just to see what it is they will pass out!

Perhaps, little toy guns?

 

Conversations with a past graduate student….

Phone rings in my office around 8am, Thursday morning.

Hubby: I need a beer!

Me: It is morning; it is too early to need a beer.

Hubby: Well, it is 5’oclock somewhere, so it is ok!

Me (thinking in my head): What a bad influence Grad School was…..

 Do they make tee shirts? I could design one to say: Three years of Yale graduate school and all I got was this beer guzzling husband! Where are the FAT paychecks and vacations? Please tell me!

The Alarm Clock from Hell: Round 2

It is dark, very dark. Not time to be awake yet, and what do I hear? MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW!

And then, as if the first serenade wasn’t enough……pawing at the blinds, not quietly, but basically playing dominos with them….and right over my head! I am going to kill her; no one can stop me this time! All rationalization has flown the coop. Don’t move! I think to myself….as long as I show no signs of life….she will move on and go terrorize someone else. Don’t move!

I know that dratted alarm clock hasn’t gone off yet….her only saving grace is that it is Friday, otherwise I would feed her to the dog. Really, I am not a violent person….

Me: 0 points

Americus: 10 points

Got Mail?

So, a last night the hubby and I are reading in bed. He is reading Maxim magazine and interrupts me to tell me…

Hubby(shocked, disbelief): Listen to this! People are paying 40 dollars to this “left behind “ website so that they can leave people email messages after the rapture has taken place!

Me: Are you kidding me? That can’t be real! Who would pay $40 bucks to do that? It is probably just a joke.

So, the next day, I go online, and lo and behold….the site exists! (I really need to come up with my great idea, so I can strike it rich and retire, but that has yet to happen.) Quite a thorough site, colorful with great word choices and very to the point, what is the catch you ask? Well, money of course. You can’t leave a message for free! A mere $40 bucks annually will get your message to your loved ones.  You don’t believe me, check this out: www.youvebeenleftbehind.com  (nice name, right?)

My question still remains:  are all the people that are going to be left behind going to remember to check their email? I highly doubt the first thing that will come to mind is: Gosh, I have to check my email (despite the fact all my friends are missing), I know that Joe (from down the street) left me a message, knowing that I would be left behind! I can see it now I bet it says….if you are reading this, you are S.O.L! Better luck next time…….

Fall in the Desert

The other day I was at Starbucks and was mesmerized by all the pictures and drawings of pumpkins and spices on the menu. That is when I knew…..it must be Fall in Arizona! In Connecticut, it was very apparent when Fall hit. The smells in the air of fireplaces, the brisk cold air, the leaves would start changing color and then fall to the ground (mind you I never raked those fallen leaves—that’s the thing the hubby misses most, while I just watched), and my most favorite part Harvest Festivals and Apple picking. I loved doing those things! Can you tell how much I am going to miss Fall?

In the desert, I think people know it is fall by going to Target and seeing all the “Fall”ish items everywhere. Pumpkins start appearing on people’s doorsteps, and of course the Starbucks brings out its Pumpkin Spice Latte. The weather has been getting cooler also. We can finally turn off the air and bring in some of that cool brisk air into the house (along with some dirt blown in from the backyard, and sometimes fresh wafting smells of the nearby cows—but hey what can you do?). In the meantime, I will continue to buy those plugins that smell like pumpkin spice so that I can get my “Fall smell” quota met. That way I will be able to lie down and take naps by the plugin while dreams of fireplaces, picking apples and changing leaves dance through my head.

It might be time for a vacation when you rely on a plugin that much, right?

Weekends should never end…

Commuting

I hate driving because people are crazy! I have already established I am NOT a morning person, but to have to commute in, on top of having to get up when it is still dark outside….. well, you would have a better chance of seeing pigs fly then trying to have a logical conversation with me. Not only are people in such a hurry to get to work, but they are also in the mood to just be plain rude (yea, you in the white car: do you feel better now that you cut me off to be one car ahead?)! I mean, really people, what is the hurry to get to work. I know that people (clearly) cannot be THAT excited to be going to work. Alright, what do I know?!

Anyways, on top of a horrible commute in and getting EVERY, SINGLE RED light, I am now ready to start my Monday morning….is it time to go home yet?

Blast from the Past

So, this past week we finally got the first season of Knight Rider in the mail from Blockbuster (it has been on long wait status for like forever).  AND I cannot get enough of it!

I can remember how much I LOVED that show as a kid (Michael Knight and Kitt). I thought they were real, I thought he was an amazing crime fighter and I wanted to BE Knight Rider. So, when he came to our town to film at The London Bridge, you can imagine my excitement. The movie was called The Bridge Across Time, see here: http://www.stomptokyo.com/otf/Bridge/Bridge.htm

 Never heard of it? Yea, I have no idea…..something about Jack the Ripper being transported through the bricks of The London Bridge. All I can remember is that I was 7 years old and couldn’t have been more excited to hear who was in town. My excitement was uncontrollable. I just knew, if I could meet him, then I could invite him to dinner and learn how to become a Knight Rider and have a car like Kitt. Maybe I could be the Knight Rider’s long, lost daughter! The possibilities were endless!

Well, it all happened….I met him, got his autograph, invited him to dinner and everything. I can even remember the card that he handed out (a picture of himself in the black jacket– yea, I have no idea where that picture ended up, probably in the trash somewhere) to which he autographed something on the back. He made some excuse about not being able to come to dinner and my hopes and dreams were shattered. I could never look at him the same afterwards. He broke my seven year old heart. I remember telling friends how I met him and invited him to dinner, but my version was something like he had to get back to Kitt, otherwise he would have stayed….but, you know, duty calls! After that, I never loved Knight Rider with as much fervor again, but I still watched the show because maybe, just maybe he really did have to go fight crime and rescue damsels in distress.

Now, all those feelings are coming back and I know if I could just invite him to dinner again, this time……maybe he would come? Maybe?

The Rules

Hubby and I are lying in bed reading. All of the sudden we hear the noise. The gagging, vomiting of Boston (cat) who previously just finished scarfing down his dry food. (I think he might be bulimic.) We stare at each other in disgust for a moment until I remember the GOLDEN RULE!

Me (proclaiming vehemently):  NOT  IT!

Hubby: What?! Why do I have to do it? I made lunches*!

Me: You know the rules! Whoever cries “not it” first doesn’t have to do it.

Me, Patches and Boston all stare while he (gaggingly) cleans it up.

Hubby: Enjoy the show?

And this, my friends, is why we should not ever have children! Because maturity was never one of my strong suits! J But, clearly, calling NOT IT is in the marriage rulebook—section, how to get out of gross things, right?

 

*Note: Lunches is a most hated task in our household, which whomever has the task can hold over the other in anticipation of getting out of any other hated task, however calling “NOT IT” trumps all—kinda like having a WILD card when playing UNO!

The Dividing Line

Note to Readers: My sister only likes to read the blog when it is about her, so just remember, she asked for this.

For as long as I can remember I had to share a room growing up. It was the worst TORTURE you could possibly imagine. Not only did I NEVER have any privacy, but my annoying little sister would follow me everywhere. I now realize she wanted to BE ME (cause I was SUPER cool…and still am), but at that time, I so did not want to be seen with her. She cramped my style. So, sometimes, I had to get a little creative to get her in trouble.

We always used to pretend there was a line in the middle of the room, come on who didn’t? It was the dividing line. This line was critical to our existence together. It divided my stuff and hers and was never to be crossed by the other person without permissions or instant death (or beatings) could occur. As I recall, I made sure my side had the bathroom and the doors, so she would constantly have to ask for permissions for entry and exits (to which I could ignore if I so chose). I was very careful to make sure I always got the better deal. Whenever we would have room inspections, I would get all the praise. I was sooooooo clean; my side was always picked up. It was me who could go off to my friends house, while Sar stayed home and picked up her messy side of the room! It became FACT:  I was the clean one, and she was Sarah the SLOB (no worries, names HAVE NOT been changed to protect identities).

But in reality, it was me who would shove stuff everywhere on her side. I would throw my toys on her side, I would throw my trash on her side….you name it, I shoved it. She never really caught on for the longest time…..I think she thought her messes just multiplied, when in fact, I was the culprit. It was awesome really. Not only did I have the better side, but I could get away with tossing stuff on her side of the room and plague her with the torture of cleaning her side—while I went off and played.  

Life was good.

That is, until we moved into the new house and all got our own rooms…..soon the truth was out….Sarah the SLOB disappeared and Junky Jessi came out to play….ahhh the joys of sisterhood! J

The Chronic Deleter

Ok, so I have another confession to make. I am ADDICTED to deleting. I can’t explain it, but I can admit to it. We have a DVR and I am OBSESSED with deleting. If the hubby isn’t home and hasn’t watched his recorded shows in a “timely” manner (yea, what I consider to be timely is usually a few hours…look I am confessing here….don’t judge) then I HAVE to delete them. I usually try not to tell him, but he usually notices. I really can’t help it, it is an addiction. I can’t explain the pleasure that runs through me as I am deleting something….be it in the DVR, my emails, my phone, you name it…if you can delete it I will. I think I might need to go to therapy for this……I even (sometimes) dream about deleting…I don’t know why. It makes me happy. Even my sister cannot get over my habit. The other day she told me I could delete her Dexter show cause she watched it at a friend’s house…then she changed her mind because she thought I would get “delete happy” and delete the wrong thing. Oh, she knows me too well. I would claim denial of course, but I am a bad liar and she knows it. Oh crap, do they have a deleter’s anonymous? I might need to attend and soon….before I delete this post.

You know you need to be committed when…..

THANK GOD this week is over. I have been surrounded by crazy people all day and I cannot get away. I think I am becoming crazy, there is no hope. Crazy pets, crazy drivers, you name it I have seen it.

On my way home from work today, I am driving in bumper to bumper traffic, I am not kidding you. The guy behind me and I merge over, pretty much at the same time. He sticks his middle finger up at me (like I somehow read his mind and merged at the very same second, HELLO, there is a big fat semi in front of me…..DUH) So, what do I do? I stick my middle finger right back up at him. Yea, I am from Brooklyn, YO. So, then he sticks it back at me. Ok, fun…so I do it back. He motions for me to move over…I shake my head no at him while cointinuing the middle finger war game. He then– full speed ahead merges ON THE LEFT (mind you in an oncoming traffic lane) and proceeds to force me to slow down, or be mauled by his stupid yellow Nissan Pathfinder.

I now officially HATE Phoenix. Why are the crazies following me from state to state, and why oh WHY can’t I get away…..I think I need help. Or pills whatever. Luckily, Rae is readily prepared with the booze when I get home…maybe it won’t be a bad weekend after all……

Dinner Indigestion

So during dinner conversations with the sisters and hubbies, I stated how I noticed I have to eat really slowly or I get this burn in my chest.

Me: I can’t eat. I think I am dying. When I eat, my chest hurts.

Sar’s Hubby: You probably have Gerd. It happens when you are stressed out.

Me: What was the source of your stress?

Rae and My Hubby (answering simultaneously):  Sar!

Rough Times…

I got a horrible news this past weekend that my Nanny (Grandma) was injured in a serious accident this past weekend. I have been an emotional train wreck. She and I were really close and I feel very thankful for the time I got to spend with her. The last few years, while living in CT, we have gotten to see her and spend ample time talking about all kinds of things and for this I am very thankful. Her death was unexpected, but luckily she held on til our family flew in Monday night. She was an awesome lady. Full of spunk, personality, wit, charm and most of all love for all. I treasured every moment I had with her and I know she is at peace. I have so many great memories and stories with her…she was the matriarch of a great family and we won’t forget her.

I love you Nanny. Rest in Peace, and we know you are with Pop now.

Memories

 

Sad

Left Behind

Yet Memories

Fill my Head

 

Your strong, silent stares

Was what we all needed

The look

And the point

We would always behave

 

Seems like just yesterday

We were celebrating your birthday

And many more to come

Stories and drinks flew around the country club air

 

We had our special time together

We had fun everywhere—

Garage Sales

The Beach

Elmira and more

 

Now you are gone

Yet your memory lives strong

You are in me, Sar and Rae

And will never be far

 

Reunited with Pop

Forever you will be

Until we see you again

Our memories remain

Cousin Buddies

So, this past week I have been able to hang with cousins….some I have never met, some I met a long time ago and some you wonder why you are related! J

Anyways, my cousin and Sar made up this game this week of “cousin buddies.” Meaning each cousin has a match with another cousin and that makes your cousin buddy match. The rule is you can only have one cousin buddy, you cannot be part of a triplet. You then must come up with a sign to state your cousin buddyhood. It can be a secret handshake or any other type of secret signal or sign. But, no one wants to be mine… If it weren’t being flaunted in my face by my sister and cousin then maybe I would be able to accept it…..do you want to be my cousin buddy?

Hard times

The answer to all life’s problems.

Conversations with a nine year old…

My cousin buddy and my hubby had some pretty interesting conversations while in New York. They go like this:

Hubby: You have been wearing that same sweater for two days now!

Cousin: Pink is in! Plus I look beautiful!

Hubby: Pink is not in after Labor Day, didn’t you know?

Cousin: Oh yea? You wear Pink everyday!

Hubby (unfazed): Oh yea? Where?

Cousin: The bags under your eyes are always pink!

Hubby: ouch

Flying Fun…

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE to fly…or used to that is. The airlines used to be so fun—movies, drinks, friendly people—what more could you ask for? Now flying is not what it used to be. I mean, I just flew this past May, but each time I do there are more and more changes. On the way to Elmira, we flew US Airways. There was a movie on the way (woo hoo I thought) but due to the circumstance of our trip, I fell asleep and did not watch it. I warned the parents to grab drinks because I knew everything costs now even if you just want water! I mean, heck, how much do I love hubby? I bought him a $4 dollar coke in the airport! (I know, I am an amazing wife). And of course you have to pay to get your luggage there as well, and if you are over 50 pounds, that will be another $50 bucks, please.

On the way there, we did not have seats together and the flight was jam-packed! Meanwhile hubby places his jacket in the overhead compartment. While a lady starts screeching at him: “You are not ALLOWED to put jackets there! It is tight enough!” She then makes some snide comment to me, before she realizes she is in the wrong seat and has to move back to sit next to him…”guess you are stuck with me” she mumbles! I smile politely and whisper to hubby “Welcome back to the East Coast, baby!” Here come the attitudes! So, here I am squished between two large people trying to get my head comfortable so that I can fall asleep on my pull out tray. When I glance over at hubby and see that he is even more squished by a guy that clearly cannot get the armrest down….FUN times!

On the way back to AZ from Elmira, we discover our suitcase just made the $15 dollar bag fee with a weight of 49.5 pounds…that was a close one! Then we get on the plane and I realize I am starving……but low and behold I have no cash to get a $5 snack pack and a $2 dollar drink. Then we hear the magical message over the speaker: “Hello Ladies and Gentleman, for your dining pleasure we will be testing out our new point of sale instrument for you to be able to purchase food or drink!” Woo hoo, I now have the pleasure of spending $14 dollars in crappy plane food! What more could I ask for?

Meanwhile, we have been waiting and waiting for the plane to start the in-flight movies (I mean this is a 5 hour flight). Finally the stewardess comes by and hubby asks “Excuse me maam, do you know if they will show a movie?” To which she replies: “Oh, sorry, yesterday they pulled out all the video/audio equipment because it was too costly!”

And that, my friends, is the joy of flying.

P.S. Don’t even get me started on going through the security checkpoint with family and tons of salvaged goods….that is a whole other blog.

Kids say the funniest things…

Note: Below is an actual conversation between my cousins (brother and sister-ages 9 and 11). I do not make this stuff up!

Cousin Sister: My brother’s voice is changing.

Cousin Brother: So what! I am just going through puberty.

Cousin Sister (to me in a VERY loud voice): Do you know what puberty means?

Me: No, what does it mean?

Cousin Sister: You grow hair in all the wrong places!

After Dinner Entertainment: Priceless

(Note to Readers: Click on link for sound cue—continue reading, but play the song in the background in a separate window for full effect, as it will help you understand the experience.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XPnDohuXto&feature=related).

There is nothing better than relaxing on the couch after a nice dinner (thanks Sar) and conversation. And who needs TV when you have dogs for entertainment?

This is Humpty. (I think you can guess why she is called HUMP-ty).

 

Humpty is a toy that Sydney (Patches cousin and lover) received from her Grandma Nancy. Little did Grandma know how significant Humpty would become…..Humpty is not just a toy to Syd, but Humpty brings Sydney joy she never thought possible.

Thanks, Grandma. If only the pictures could do poor Humpty justice.

Dinner for 5: $20.00

Milk: $3.99

After dinner entertainment: Priceless

 

Enough said.

Elmira, NY

Well, yesterday was the one week mark of Nanny being laid to rest with Pop. I find myself going through hills and valleys. Sometimes I am sad and other times I flashback on all the good times and I know she would want me to remember the good times. SO, keeping that in mind, I will share a few pictures with you of our times in Elmira. It is an amazing little town and I hope to get back there for visits someday.

This is Elmira: Fall 2008 The Chemung River (or as I affectionately called it–the crick)

And this is a tree in the parking lot of the Holiday Inn (took our breath away)

These are some of the Cousin buddies….we love each other can you tell?

The infamous (for sayings) cousin brother and sister (little one is also known as my mini me)

Me and Hubby in Elmira at Christmastime

The best place to eat in Elmira, note the name, they make the best pizza and subs—hence the name!

And (one of my favorites) when Nanny took my aunts, me and the hubby upstate to see the sites and have a lunch at one of her favorite places.

Last, I will end it with my favorite painting of Nanny and Pop that always makes me smile!

The Unlikely Pet

I know my sisters are weird, but this takes the cake. Sorry, Sar, the blog isn’t about you today. I know, I know, watch my ratings drop….

So, Rae has been missing her cat a lot—who is at home in Havasu. She has adopted a new pet. Her name is Charlotte. I will let you guess what she is: She weaves webs. Yes, she is a spider. But, not just any spider, she is a black widow spider we found in the garage. I think Rae goes out to the garage to talk with her and I think Charlotte gives her advice. She says she can relate to her.

I guess Rae is waiting for her boyfriend to become her husband because then she can eat him. Sorry, Ren…I guess that is how she relates.

Maybe every girl should have a pet widow? I am sure the advice is to die for!

End of my Rope…

I have heard that bad things happen in three’s…..so I think I should be about done now. Yesterday my car was broken….and it just about put me over the edge. I feel like I can’t win lately and no matter how hard I try to have a positive outlook, something always happens to alter it. What is going on lately? I just can’t seem to get ahead at all.

I am hoping that the string of bad luck will end soon or else I think I will let Rae’s new pet, Charlotte eat me. Here’s hoping. Here is too the end of my bad luck……or a tasty lunch for Charlotte!

Alms for the poor…

So,  over the weekend we got a letter asking us to donate to Yale University (mind you, hubby has approximately been out of grad school…maybe 6 months now—but who is counting?). It made me laugh out loud when I saw it! I mean, mind you I would LOVE to have gobs of money to donate to different things, but since we have yet to embark on the road of the rich and famous…this letter came as a surprise. I mean we sweated, starved, and ate a lot of PB&J and what did they say to us: live cheaper and you shouldn’t have pets….i.e. never mind the fact that CT is one of the MOST expensive places to live.

Right, please let me donate to you, Yale, meanwhile we only have $2.01 in our joint account after paying all the bills this month. So, what did I do? I showed the letter to hubby. He laughed out loud too! He suggested we send it back and write in Sharpie…”I will donate to you…..if you pay my tuition bill.” I am thinking of trying that….but I don’t think it will do any good….perhaps we should show them a picture of the money and a picture of the tuition bill, kinda like you pay this, then you get this….

Oh well, just the same it did give us both a good laugh and at least they gave us about 6 months before they started asking/begging….I guess that is enough time to get re-established in the real world…..right? I mean sure maybe in a perfect, rich world….maybe I will just send Charlotte up there to bite them…..

The Joys of Parking and Transit People at a University

Oh, the joys of going to the Parking and Transit Office. How are those people so dumb? Is it part of the qualifications to act like you cannot comprehend people and to be mean? I have visited this office now 2 times in basically one week, not because I ENJOY it (I know surprising right…cause who doesn’t enjoy a good ol Parking and Transit office), but because the parking pass that I am paying millions of hard earned dollars on refuses to work….EVER. And I am tired of paying for something that doesn’t work!

So, I march myself over to the office after nearly ramming down the gate to get in! I get there and see the same lady as last week. I tell her my pass doesn’t work STILL (I emphasize). She looks at me like I am a complete moron (chomps on her gum) and says “Are you sure you are using it correctly? Did you try this…did you do it this way?” To which I declare….”I have tried it every which way! I have gotten out of my car…I have backed up….I have screamed at the card and then the gate…nothing does it, can I just have one that works!”

She looks at me like I am lying and says…well you just got a new one last week! And I reply I know! I was hoping it would work this time! She then says she might have to have someone walk me back to the gate to see if I am using it properly….to which I say “That would be great! Then I can SHOW you how it doesn’t work.” But instead she fills out the paperwork, rolls her eyes, chomps on some gum and then begrudgingly hands me over a new pass, only this time she includes a small sheet of directions on how to use the parking pass—so I can troubleshoot she says. ARE YOU KIDDING ME LADY? I hope she gets a nice piece of coal in her stocking for Christmas!

AAAAah you gotta love working for a university!

O, Christmas Tree…O, Christmas Tree….

First off, you should know that Christmas is my most favorite time of the year! Not only was it the birth of yours truly, but it was also my time to pick out the biggest, most beautiful Christmas tree ever….ok, well I grew up being able to pick out my own tree. The birthday tree! (BTW—for the longest time I really did believe that everyone got to pick out a tree on their birthday.) Later on, I realized this not to be so. A little disappointing really….kinda like finding out there is no Santa. So, I LOVE picking out Christmas Trees!

Last year we had the MOST.FUN.EVER cutting down our very own Christmas tree! We brewed up some amazing makers mark cider, layered on lots of clothes, and headed out with friends to chop down our very own tree. It was so much fun. We picked the PHATest tree ever…it was awesome! I loved it.

Now that we live in AZ—I was hoping we would be able to do this again. You know, head up North, find the perfect tree…etc. Well, first I was laughed at and then I was told you have to have a permit in AZ. Not to have my dreams dissolve rapidly by Scrooge, I went online to verify….tis true, and you had to have a permit filed way back in May or so.

Hence, my dreams of sugar plum fairies dancing, Maker Mark Cider and Dr. Seuss Trees were catapulted out of my head and in came: Charlie Brown Christmas Tree…..is this what it has come to? Say it ain’t so….

 

Money Tree

Does anyone know where I can locate one of these? I am in desperate need of one!

Skinny Jeans

I cleaned the house on Sunday…along with some help.

Me to Hubby: Can you bring me a bag to put all these give away clothes together?

Hubby bringing bag: Don’t throw those jeans in there!

Me: Why they were in the pile?

Hubby: Because those are my skinny jeans…..I am going to get back in them!

Me: Do boys have skinny jeans? I am going to do a blog about this….

Hubby: You cannot blog about this UNLESS you say how I am exercising!

Me: 3 pushups a night does not count as “exercising”

Hubby: YES IT DOES.

Mind you we then watched Supersize me this afternoon. I am never eating again….so maybe someday I can get in my skinny jeans too! See Hubby, I barely made fun of your skinny jeans…Love ya!

Woman Cave!

Lately hubby has been talking about how much he wants his own “man cave” when we buy our first house (which hopefully will be happening in the next year). I told him he is more than welcome to have his own man cave…with whatever he wants in there on one condition….

Hubby: I want a man cave……I want it to have big TVs with recliners and toys.

Me (unfazed): That is fine, as soon as you buy me a house, you can have your man cave. But, I want a woman cave!

Hubby: What is in a “woman cave?”

Me: Remember how we went to go see James Bond this past weekend? Well, M had a perfect woman cave. Mine will be like that! It will have a large Jacuzzi Bathtub with a large TV on the wall with lotions and potions and a maid! And you can come in and serve me chocolate Strawberries…on a tray!

Did you hear that, Santa? Put that on your list! 

The Bad Influence

Since moving to AZ, Patches Phoenix (the dog) has found her lover (her cousin Sydney). Well, we think they like each other a lot since they are constantly licking inside each other’s mouths. Not that we mind…..but sometimes you shouldn’t be that forthright—in front of the parents. Now Sydney is a lab (you can read all about her in her blog called: After Dinner Entertainment: Priceless).

If you’ve ever read Marley and Me, that is Sydney. She is a lab, but definitely has some issues. You cannot leave out flip flops, sometimes she mistakes carpets for bathrooms, and she also is TOY CRAZY. She enjoys taking out all her toys and leaving them EVERYWHERE. And I mean after she has come over….I will find toys hidden in the weirdest spots DAYS later. So, what I am getting at is that Patches is impressionable. She has always been pretty clean and low key…her downfall is whining….and I mean CONSTANT whining…if you are not touching her constantly then she is whining. But for the most part she has always been well-behaved, non-messy, and cute. Until now…..

Sydney has taught Patches the art of TOY Chaos. Now I sometimes come home to toys strewn about the living room, as terror grips my heart…. WHAT? I hate picking up toys! She has also taught Patches how to tear the toys up….first take off their eyes, then slit their throats, then pull out all the stuffing and toss it about the house? What is this world coming too?

What is happening to my good dog (ok my semi-good dog)? She used to be so good, she used to clean up her toys…..what a bad influence cousins are!

No Betty Crocker…

So, one of my major requirements when looking for a husband was: he be able to cook, and second he be rich…..well obviously the later didn’t happen, but requirement 1 was met! It isn’t that I can’t cook, but when I do….weird things happen. I just don’t think it is meant to be. Sometimes, hubby has a brain fart lapse in memory and we have these types of discussions:

Hubby: What’s for dinner?

Me: What?! I MARRIED you because you cook, remember?

Hubby: Oh, I thought you married me because you loved me.

Me: Clearly, you are delusional.

The Rules Continued

We all were sitting around talking when I smelled it….sniff, sniff….the foul smell of dirty cat litter came wafting through my nose. YUCK. I can’t explain it, but there is something about this smell that just makes me want to gag. And I have smelled a lot of foul smells (namely the ones that come out of the bathroom after Hubby has been in there—but that is another blog), but nothing compares to dirty cat litter. We have two cats and a really cool Kitty Hut, which Hubby built for the cats with a ledge for them to step on ( see pic below).  So, usually the smells are enclosed. But the other night….whooo the smell was bad.

Me (screaming excitedly): NOT IT! NOT IT! NOT IT!

Hubby: What are you even talking about? You are crazy!

Me: The cat litter, I don’t want to clean it…you have too! I said NOT it…you know, it is in the rules! Remember, last one to call it has to clean up? (I shouldn’t have to remind him…he knows THE RULES).

Hubby (rolling his eyes): That doesn’t count! It only counts on cat vomit. (See Previous Post: http://goodbadandugly2.wordpress.com/2008/10/22/the-rules/)

Me: No it does not! It counts on everything.

Obviously, Hubby and I need to go back to the marriage contract, where I can SHOW him…he will need to re-read the fine print and the NOT IT RULE. There are no surprises, he knows the rules, I mean geez we have been married for a long time now…he was just jealous that he didn’t remember to proclaim them first! Rules are rules—and I am sticking to them. NOT IT, Hubby! NOT IT, NOT IT, NOT IT!

Isn’t he lucky to have me? I think so!

Below is Kitty Hut…in all it’s glory….

Fun at work…

The Kewl Texter

Recently I spent some time with the entire family and I taught my Uncle how to text. I don’t know what is with these OP’s (old people—but being a nice niece…I fell for it) they think they want to be so cool and learn technology, so I fell into the trap. Here is what happened:

Uncle (exclaiming): I just learned to text; text me anything! I am so cool!

Me (texting): K

Uncle (texting): What does that mean?

Me (texting back…even though I was in close proximity): short 4 ok

Uncle (texting): k!

Uncle (more texting): Hi. BTW how r u?

Me (texting faster than him): wow, impressive….ttyl

Uncle (yet again…texting): what does that mean? K!

Me (not texting): sigh

Uncle (texting): What does that mean?

Uncle (another text): k!

Now, I get these random texts all the time, can you guess what they say?

Uncle (random text at 6am): k!

After talking with my cousin (his son) he told me: NEVER, NEVER teach him any technology…..or you will regret it! HA HA! (That is why his own sons don’t teach him….isn’t that right, Matt?)

I am starting to understand this now. That is what I get for being so willing to share technology!

When a Man Loves a Woman…

This is an actual texting conversation between me and Hubby today:

Me: Dinner?

Hubby: yes please!

Me: NOT IT

And, my friend WTF (check out his blog called WTF–from my blogroll) accuses me of NOT IT gluttony….. Perhaps he is right! But, then again he is a blogaholic! So that is like calling the kettle black, right?

The Evil pets….

The pets are evil. I don’t know what their deal is….but the one time we can sleep in is on the weekends they REFUSE to let us. I think they are a tagteam. I can actually hear their conversations:

Americus (the LOUDEST, MEOWING cat you will ever meet): Ok, everyone here is the plan. I will go into the room and start meowing at 4 AM. Just to get it started. If either of you see any movement…and I MEAN ANY then pounce, whine, do whatever you have to do to get them up.

Boston (the stand on you so you can’t breathe cat and licker of eyelids): Ok, but if that doesn’t work then I will chase you around the house, Americus and pounce on you until you scream…thus causing Patches to bark and go crazy and wake the whole house up!

Patches (the dog and eternal whiner): Sounds good, but if either of those don’t work I will just whine and whine and whine you know Mommy can’t stand that! Or maybe I will poke her with my long nose.

Time: Early in the morning…still dark outside. Probably 4am.

Mission: Accomplished

Me: Awake now ……..guess where all the pets are…..oh yea, they are all asleep right here beside me as I type! EVIL Tagteam!

The Coupon Nazi

This weekend we did our major Thanksgiving grocery shopping and let me tell you….it was not fun. However, we did do our homework and research because Frys Grocery Store is accepting competitors coupons, so we had to maximize our grocery shopping! We researched and cut millions of coupons…and saved a lot of money in the meantime. Upon check out time….we had the worst time. The coupon nazi (he was young) basically wanted to re-see every item (mind you the bagger had already bagged all our items….) so he was driving us crazy. As we apologized to people in line, they were even on our side (one lady exclaimed) hey they did their homework, give them their deals!

This kid was crazy……I finallly was like you know what I am not going to unbag all of our items to prove to you I got the matching item. After much consternation, I think he finally gave in towards the end, but he was crazy dude–and slow…he was like did you get this, and this?. Personally, I didn’t see the point in fighting over a dollar off deoderant, right? I mean come on…..anyways….that was our Sunday….at least the chaos of grocery shopping is done and we are on our way to a full kitchen. Why is it that grocery shopping around the time of the holidays is so painful? And why are there coupon nazi’s? I mean if you advertise it…and we do our homework and take the time to carefully shop down each and every aisle to mazimize the purchase—then don’t hassle me OR come along and be my personal shopper!

T-Day Freak Outs…

This weekend I sorta, kinda, without-telling him volunteered Hubby to smoke a Thanksgiving bird, along with cooking the traditional bird too. Now I know what you are thinking….WHAT?!

 And I think Hubby felt the same way, but you see the thing is… is that he LOVES to cook for people…the more the merrier and I love that he loves to cook for me and everyone else. (Plus I am a bit biased and think his cooking is phenomenal!)

So, I totally thought he would be up for the challenge and I think he still is after he got over the initial shock factor…. J
It isn’t that he doesn’t want to smoke a bird, he just gets nervous because it is one of those things he hasn’t smoked just yet (and he likes things to come out perfect) and he has to prep the other one and do his famous sides…now I am not much of a cook, but I can help with the side preparations (hopefully)…he does get a little territorial in the kitchen.  We are having my sisters, potentially one of our parents, and my sister’s in-laws come to our house. So we pretty much will have a full house….9-10 people.

I think it should be pretty fun, however yesterday the reality of cleaning and cooking set in. So not only was hubby starting to freak out….but then I started my cleaning freak out (trust me it isn’t pretty). I don’t know why I get this way…..but I am an obsessive cleaner…I can’t help it (it might be a disease). So between my cleaning freak outs and Hubby’s food freak outs…Wednesday night and Thursday morning should be an exciting time at our house!  (Usually one of is calm, therefore, slapping the other back to reality , yup sometimes a good slap does a Hubby good—don’t quite know how it will work out if we BOTH are freaking out…..well one of us might end up on the TV show Snapped). If you see a lapse in blog postings readers, you will know that either:

 1. I am dead or

2.  I am in jail for killing Hubby or

3.  I set the house on fire trying to help and my computer burned with it.

 

I am hoping my Thursday morning rum-filled crepes will calm Hubby’s nerves…if not I will be forcing him to drink all day….which won’t be too hard.

Maker’s and coke here we come!

The Party House

I don’t know what it is about the area we live in, but we are either battling gunshots from the gang house behind us (although they have been quiet lately) or trying to sleep through all the racket at the party house. The party house is a house directly to the side of our house with a big garage. Every night the party house has a party within their garage…not even in their house, but in their garage. Come on, people? Who does this? It hasn’t really bothered me too much. That is until I noticed that every night this week (so far) they have had their garage up and their lights going along with a huge TV in the garage and then the reverb of the music singing me sweet lullabies as I try to sleep and count sheep to the beats of the noise.  I mean if you have a 3000 square foot house, wouldn’t you use it….rather than the garage?

At first I thought this might be the man-cave, but there are lots of parked cars out there (and not just guys) hanging out in the garage….maybe hanging out in the garage is what people do out here in Arizona….if you ask me it is weird.

 Call me crazy, but if I had a large, 2 story house, I would be inside the house! Weird if you ask me….. or am I just becoming irritable in my old age (don’t answer that)….but, hey! I told you how important sleep is to me….you don’t want to go there!

Have I mentioned I am not a people person….

Life as I know it, at work…

I think it might be a conspiracy against me, but the crazy people are still after me! Why can’t I escape them? What odor am I emitting (ok, don’t answer that)? I can’t seem to escape them. Yesterday, I was at work, talking with a co-worker. A lady comes into my area and asks to use one of the computers. Sure, no problem I say and I go straight back to work. Then the lady shouts (she seems to be flustered and I am literally 2 feet away—no need for shouting) this computer is broken! I can’t get it to turn on!

The look on my face must have said it all because I look at her (astonished). It helps if you press the large round button below the desktop to power it on.  To which she replies. Oh, I see, I am not used to desktop computers.

 Is this conversation really happening? Why are the Crazies following me everywhere I go?

How work makes me feel…

Chore Wars

I created the T-Day chore list and this was our conversation a few nights ago (luckily I haven’t killed Hubby yet…I still need him to make the turkeys):

Me: Do you want to sweep or mop?

Hubby: Neither

Me: That is NOT an option.

Hubby: Neither

Me: I am going to stab your eye out.

Hubby: So what. I hate your chore list.

Me: I hate you. (Well, not really…but it sounded good in the heat of chore wars)

And the chore war begins, may the best person win. To Be Continued….

Dinner Prayers

We all got together for a beautiful Thanksgiving Spread. Lots of food, lots of fun, and lots of unbuttoned top buttons. One successful and juicy smoked turkey and another oven roasted turkey….all and all successful. No killings, no burning the house down and Hubby still loves me…..I call that successful!

We all sat down to the yummy dinner. Alan (Sar’s hubby) offered thanks for a wonderful dinner. Only we all had to hold hands….I know…eww cooties.

Alan: Thanks for the wonderful food and a great time with the family.

Me (under my breath): ewww Rae! Your hands are gross! (She has hands that feel like reptile skin…I think she is half alligator)

Alan: Amen

Rae (practically shouting after Alan’s amen): You WHORE.

Hubby: How nice, shouting WHORE after the dinner prayer!

Gotta love the fam!
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

We survived…

Hubby and I decided to go out for a quick look-see on Black Friday. Yea, we are crazy….but we survived. No major bruises, scrapes, or tramplings. However, I did talk with people and apparently some people had been in lines for stuff starting at 6pm on Wednesday! WHO DOES THAT? That means they MISSED Thanksgiving! (I cannot even comprehend this) There is one term for that…. CRAZY!

I, like everyone else, can drool over a good sale, but people these are just things….I can’t believe people get killed, fight, and trample for these items. I guess I will never understand it, but is it worth missing stuffing and turkey over? Heck, no! In my opinion that is just plain INSANITY! That is….unless you have a death wish….if so, I suppose it could be a way to make the headlines. (Again, CRAZY!)

How to survive the holidays and family…

Rae just bought one of these bottles…..it helps her survive the family drama. Not only did she just buy a bottle, but she bought the biggest bottle you can buy.

MMMMMM mind numbing.

Here is another recipe to get you through the family holiday time (yes, I am reccommending drinking with family time):

Kentucky Mulled Cider

1 Cup Maker’s Mark Whisky
4 Cup Apple Cider
1 Lemon – sliced thin
6 cloves
1/2 tsp. Allspice (ground)
2 small cinnamon sticks

Combine Maker’s Mark and cider. Add 1 thinly sliced lemon with rind, cloves, allspice and sticks of cinnamon. Heat to boiling and serve

courtesy: Maker’s Mark Kentucky Bourbon Whisky

Try it! Good stuff! Everything is better with a little booze in you!

The Takers…

More dinner conversations with family at dinner time over an open flame on a fire table (yea the fire was mesmerizing):

Mike (Alan’s weird brother): You guys are takers (referring to my sisters and me as I am stealing food from Hubby’s plate)

Hubby: All Mannix girls are takers!

Alan: laughing whore-like (Rae’s interpretation)

Sar: We are NOT! (glaring the death stare at Alan)

Me (matter of factly): Yea, I never denied it.

Hubby: Well, sometimes they are givers.

Mike (all knowing): OH I see!

I run inside to try and write part of this conversation on my hand so I can remember to blog about it (several Maker’s Mark ciders later)

Me (to Sar and Rae): Do either of you have a pen?

Both of them: What for?

Me: So I can write it on my hand for my blog.

Sar: Is it about me?!!!!!!

Me: OMG, everything does not revolve around you.

Sar: YES IT DOES!

Then we all (again several Maker’s Ciders later) decide to sit down for a game of Scene It.

Me: Ok, everyone we are going to play Scene it.

My mom: What? We are going to play Phoenix?

Me: No! Scene IT!

My Mom: What Semen?

And that is another episode of Fun times with all the Fam! Good times!

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Yea, so it is nearing my favorite Holiday. Not just because it is Christmas, but because it is my birthday on Christmas too! What better of a present could Mom have asked for?   (Speechless, right? No snide comments from my sisters….OR Hubby!)

Not only is it great because it is my birthday, Christmas, and I get presents. But, generally the crazy people are more tame during this time of the year (well, I suppose as long as you are not shopping)! People are generally (supposed to be) nicer and in the giving mood, my sisters have to be nice to me (MY Birthday MONTH), and we get to decorate and pick out my birthday tree while listening to  Christmas music.

So, generally my whole outlook is pretty good.  Drinking, eating and presents (in that order) what more could one ask for? 

Oh yea, no shoveling snow this year….even better! WOO HOO! (Although I do find it weird that it is December and I am still wearing short sleeves sitting outside with hubby and not even the least bit cold).

And the fun begins….

My Sister: The Blog Stalker

So, my sister has taken up reading blogs. She doesn’t comment, she doesn’t talk to these bloggers, she just frequents the pages in stealth-like-stalker fashion. She then becomes immersed in the bloggers lives and likes to talk about them, as if she is their friend.  Watch out!

It cracks me up. I mean she is becoming a creepy  creepster! CREE.PY!She defends herself when I call her out on this stuff. But, I think secretly, she enjoys being a stalker….watch out fellow blogmates…..you might be next and you won’t even know it…she is sneaky!

But, I have a feeling she isn’t the only one out there…maybe she can join blog stalker’s anonymous!

My (Guilty) Little Secret

So, I have a confession and while I may lose some readers after this confession, I have to be honest. But, just remember…everyone has their flaws, faithful readers and promoters (WTF and Swimming In My Head… —check is in the mail), so before you can judge me I will come clean!

I am a Britney FANATIC. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE her music. I can’t help it. And I am SO SUPER excited about her new CD (HINT HINT HUBBY)! I have been a Britney fan for longer than I can remember….her music always made me want to dance and go clubbing! I would play her everywhere…in my room, in the car, at our wedding (don’t remind hubby…he didn’t want ANY part of that) at the Yale Christmas parties (it was the only way they could get me to dance in the cage…don’t ask) and everywhere! She was my favorite and she always could make me happy! But, after awhile Britney faded from the scene and thus I lost my inner “want to dance” desire. But, lo and behold SHE IS BACK! And Stronger (no pun intended) than ever! I am so excited for this new CD and as soon as I get it will listen to it over and over and over and over.

BTW, did I mention we have a 14 hour drive to San Antonio, TX in the plans for Christmas….guess Britney can help get us there! WOO HOO. Yea, for Britney’s comeback…I have missed her so!

Secretly, I think Hubby has too!

Britney is my Lucky Charm

I came home from work today…in a very good mood (ok, that is rare these days…I must admit). I mean what could get me down? I had played my new Britney CD all day, thus putting me in the best mood ever! Had Jersey Mikes! Even my commute was fine. The only thing I could think of wishing for was a day off from work…. and what do you know….the Britney good luck karma works…

Hubby: You got something special in the mail today!

Me: What is that?

Hubby (a little too excitedly): JURY DUTY!

Me: EWWWW, wait a minute! That means I get to miss work?! WOO HOO.

(My guess is most people would be saddened by this…but not me! I am SO EXCITED)

Hubby and Me: How to Keep the Fire Alive

The Night of the Great Litter Crisis

Being the good wife that I am (don’t gasp in shock), I meandered around the house gathering all the trash for trash night….which included the dreaded task of cleaning the litter box. Yea, hard to believe, but you guys should be proud of me; I didn’t even shout NOT IT! So there I am sifting then dumping all the disgusting pee balls and poop logs (yea, I feel as though you need a visual) when lo and behold, I go to grab the fresh litter container…and barely anything comes out. Not even enough to cover the bottom of the litter pan. For you non-cat owners it is like someone putting back a basically empty milk container into the fridge and you go to grab a nice, refreshing glass of milk and all that is left are droplets. Yea, I know….THE AUDACITY! So, then that evil demon cat, Americus decides to take a nice pee in that barely- there litter. What is her deal? I mean whenever we clean out the litter…it is like vultures circling their prey, I don’t know what it is about my cats and fresh litter…but they will not allow it to stay fresh. It is like a cardinal sin to them. I will never understand this.

So I tell hubby to run and get some….but he doesn’t want to go anywhere without me? I don’t know where this fear of going out alone comes from….but there is no way I am getting into that car (I mean I WAS doing CHORES WITHOUT BEING ASKED—give me some props here).  So, we glare at each other…I even try the NOT IT rule. Doesn’t work. I am afraid, dear readers, Hubby is reading the blog too much and starting a revolt against this NOT IT rule. I will not be defeated by Hubby’s obstinance…..I can reign him back in with favors! ( I hope).

Anyways, we are still in crisis mode……no solutions…yet. It is a standoff of the great litter crisis. Only the strong can survive. Better call Rae to save the day.

The Hate Blog

Dear Hubby,

Roses are Red

Violets are Blue

This is my hate blog to you

Since you don’t do what I say!

Favors will come your way

Only when you realize who is boss….(ME)

Love letters

Hubby: You are so mean…writing hate blogs to me.

Me: That was my form of a love letter to you.

Hubby: Your love letters suck! Didn’t you get that love letter I put in your lunch earlier this week. (He really did put a love letter in my lunch)

Me: Yea, I did, but that was only cause we were in a fight….

Hubby: Silence (cause he knows it is true)

I am thinking I could write a nice blog about him….but I am going to have to think hard on this one….bear with me and check back tomorrow….or the next day. We shall see what I can come up with, so I can get a good Christmas present!

Demolition in the Desert

Note: Hubby’s nice post is being delayed due to the happenings of this weekend.

This weekend, we packed up our bags and headed to Tucson. It was the great game rivalry of ASU (BOO) versus U of A (GO CATS). Since Hubby and I both went to undergrad at U of A, we decided we would head down there and see if we could get some tickets to THE GAME. (I had been complaining all week because I heard it was sold out—but sometimes a true fan needs to take risks). Plus we decided it would be more fun to go to a bar in Tucson to root for our beloved Wildcats then hang out in Phoenix with all the scum devils. So, Friday night we jumped in the car and headed to Tucson. As soon as we got close, I could feel the amazing WILDCAT energy in the air and knew we had made the right decision. We headed to our old drinking place Kon Tiki. This place hands out drinks the size of a small swimming pool. They are called scorpion bowls and are AMAZING. Here is me drinking my bowl…but not wanting the picture.

That night we found a hotel and decided we would get up early and try and see if we could get some tickets. We meandered around the campus and went to the box office and much to our excitement there were (a few) tickets left…which we quickly snatched up! We were both so excited. We then wandered around for a bit and watched the tailgaters set up. Hubby was in hog heaven at this point because he loves tailgating and wanted to observe these “true tailgators” I mean it was intense. There were people in HUGE RVs with HUGE grills and all kinds of set ups with their U of A tents, bowls, flags, and stickers. It was awesome (after being at Yale for the last 3 years…..Hubby hadn’t seen a real tailgate in awhile). People were having a great time and the best part was the Wildcat energy that was in the air. It was electrifying…we knew that those lame scum devils were going to be sent home crying.

Watching all the rivalry type shirts was fun too….there was the ASWho shits…the ASUCKS…the You bet your sweet ass I hate those sun devils…well you get my point. Another funny thing was watching all the girls that hoochified their t-shirts. Our friend said, and I quote “you gotta love the sorostitutes.” So as you can imagine, the people watching was pretty fun!

Finally, it was game time! We met up with some old friends and went inside. All I can say is AWESOME.

We had the BEST time and OF COURSE the Wildcats won! The final score: 31 Wildcats to 10 Scum devils. I think one of my favorite parts was when the scum devils in the bleachers had no more snide comments because they knew they had been SLAPPED. And then the field was rushed…..

 It was an awesome time, a great game and I have to say I miss good ol Tucson.

GOOOOOOOOOOOO CATS!

The Love Blog

Hubby bought me Fully Loaded Nachos from Taco Bell (they are AMAZING), while I lounged in bed all day napping. Hey, had to recover from late night celebrating in Tucson. Good times.

I love him*….for now.

*Note to my Mom: See sometimes I love him ….(she was “worried” due to all my hate blogging)

 

I’m a Slave for you…

I swear these cartoonists must be spying on us…because these are the types of conversations that Hubby and I have.

The Marriage Proposal

The following recollection was inspired by real events that took place about 4.5 years ago. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent. 

Hubby: I can’t wait for you to come home; I have a surprise for you. (Background: I had been working in another state for about 3 months…so he really missed me)

Me: OOO OOO did you get me my Harry Potter Golden Snitch Lamp?!!!! I need it!

Hubby: No, not exactly, but I think you will like this….

Upon arriving home a few days later…

Hubby: Come upstairs and look at your surprise.

Here is a picture of my “surprise” (It was a Hope chest that he made me, by hand–yea he is pretty crafty)

Me: Oh wow, that is cool. Is my HP lamp inside?

Hubby: Open it up.

Me: Ok

There was a ring with flower petals strewn about.

Hubby: Will you marry me?

Me: Yes, but can I still have my Harry Potter lamp?

Moral of Story: We got married; and I got my HP lamp! See what a good Hubby I have?! See, I CAN be romantic!

Paybacks

The Torment: Hubby is holding up Boston to say hello (if you can’t already tell he was NOT pleased!)

Boston Pissed

Paybacks are a Bitch:

A present awaits Daddy from the Cats...paybacks for torment

The Guilty Party:

We are so cute, we do no wrong

Me: NOT IT

Enough said.

Another Love Blog

Naughty Cookie Parties

This weekend my sister Sar is throwing a cookie party. The Mannix girls have always had Christmas cookie parties for as long as I can remember. However, this year we are opening it up to friends. They have never been your “typical” baking parties. Well, come to think about it….me in the kitchen? SCARY! However, I can usually bake…usually.  

The parties usually consist of making some chocolate peanut butter fudge, chocolate and white covered pretzels, and of course the world famous sugar cookies with frosting. I have so many cookie cutters you wouldn’t believe it….but our favorite? The gingerbread boy and girl. Why? You ask. Well, to spice things up a bit we do have our normal competitions of who makes the best decorated cookies, but one year we got a little creative. We decided to make gingerbread boy and girl’s but the Victoria’s Secret Edition (VS). We tried to see who could get the craziest with our cut out boys and girls and the tradition has carried on. I am excited to see what kinds of VS cookies turn out this time. And don’t worry boys and girls, I will be sure to include pictures of this year’s catwalk…but until then, I will tide you over with some pictures from a cookie party a few years back in Connecticut. I give you our Victoria’s Secret cookies:

Sexy outfitted ginger people in top right corner

 Yea, I promise to take better pics this year!

Sexy VS ginger lady in crotchless panties in bottom left

Me tasting pre-frosting

mmmmm yummy!

So, now for the poll: Do you think it is cheating that my sister wants to make all the sugar cookies from a pre-bought store dough? I have gotten into several arguments with her this week, telling her there is no way I will make my Victoria Secret girls outta pre bought dough…it is just plain cheating! (And it goes against my Cookie morals). So, I will be making the dough from scratch and she will be using the store bought. But, I still consider her a Cookie Party CHEATER….what do you think?

It’s Beginning to look a lot like Christmas…

I twisted Hubby’s arm tonight and made him take me out to find my special, tall, huge, pine-smelling, as big as possible, most perfect birthday/Christmas tree. Let me tell you, he wasn’t terribly excited because as fate would have it the first place we stopped at was probably the most expensive place for trees we have ever been to. I mean you would think these trees must have come with a little snow on the branches for the prices they were asking….we saw trees that were well over 191 dollars. Yes, dollars, folks. And then….. I saw it! The. Most. Perfect. Tree. Undeniable, it was love at first sight, but again as fate would have it, DEFINATELY not in our price range. I even tried to haggle…it is my birthday tree…but to no avail. The price tag on this tree: $102. Again, NOT in our price range for something that would eventually end up in the trash, and Hubby told me I was being ridiculous as I pouted by my LOVER tree (secretly I knew he was right….but a girl can’t help which tree she falls in love with).  Here is me with my sad face and my first tree love:

Love at first sight, but WAY outta the price range...

But, I am glad I listened to Hubby (sometimes that boy is smart) and I am way to emotional when it comes to my special, most perfect-birthday tree. Luckily, we passed a tree lot admist our hunt, with the PERFECT (and affordable) tree! We found it in less than 5 minutes AND guess how much it was for a 9 foot tree? $100? $75? $50? Keep guessing…

Our perfect Tree!

Cost of our perfect tree $39.95! HELLO! How amazing…see that Hubby is smart, who knew! We snatched it up and now it is resting in warm sugar water in our living room. I quickly called Sar, who also ran out to purchase one…what a deal! I am so happy with my special, beautiful, pine smelling, large birthday tree! I am ready to go grab my pillows and sleep under it all night. Me and my birthday tree will have sweet dreams tonight! (Background note: I have this weird thing with NEEDING to sleep under or very near my birthday tree…for as long as I can remember, my mom has found me sleeping near the tree)

What a good hubby for getting me my tree! I am officially in the Holiday spirit now!
Tree, you complete me!

It’s 5′oclock Somewhere!

TGIF everyone! We made it through another one (just barely)

Time to numb the pain…

The Young and the Restless

Rae, Hubby and I were on our way to/from picking up some yummy Sonic dinner (Rae never had a Cherry Limeaide….she is not from this planet)!

On the way there, the radio was playing a song about a lady who said she was a princess in a fairty tale life…..yea, I don’t know some country song.

Hubby (grabs my hand): You are NO princess, and this ain’t a fairy tale!

Me: Don’t I know it, you don’t have to tell me again! I know that this is not a fairy tale by any means…I think I figured that out about 4.5 years ago!

Hubby: chuckling

Me: Yea, I married below me!

Hubby: Aww you can be my princess!

Me: Well you can be my servant!

Now we are on the way home from our Sonic drive-thru……

Me: Guess what Rae misses. I will give you a guess…this is something she complained about for the last 4 years! (pause….silence, so I blurt) SCHOOL!

Me: I told you you would miss it once you were in the world of “I hate being a grown-up AND I hate working!”

Hubby(in a sad voice): I miss school too!

Me (thinking- Are you kidding me…..you are never going to school again! 3 years of my life were stolen from me—ok, so I am a bit dramatic)

Me: Why do YOU miss school?

Hubby: I miss my friends.

Me: HA you have no friends! I mean you have me, I will be your friend, but only cause I HAVE to be….

Hubby: You don’t hang out with me on the back porch and chug back beer.

Me: We don’t have a back porch that isn’t filled with dirt and we have no backyard furniture! I got you covered on the chugging beer part.

Holidaze

So, survived the cookie party with Sar’s obnoxious 7am ish call to start getting everything ready. Overall, a success, but there was a bit of a battle over cookies….can’t help that I am territorial over the ones that I made!

The party started with the most important part: THE BOOZE

Nothing like a good Maker's Mark Cider

Winter White Sangria

Then on to some cookie dough preparations…..

real dough is for big girls!

And jumping ahead…..behold some cookies!

mmm cookies...

And then comes TRADITON…our Victoria’s Secret Gang

Victoria's Secret gang....with see thru lingerie

And a close up…..

Our only boy surrounded by the ladies...

Rae's first VS lady

So, as you can see we had a fun time. We also made fudge, peanut kiss cookies, chocolate covered pretzels and LOTS of other goodies. MMM Yummy….I leave you with two partied out dogs…don’t worry they didn’t have any cookies! But, this is what happens after a day full of sugar and alcohol….

Some tuckered out cousins...

Until next year….

Credit Card Management 101

Hubby: What are you going to do to celebrate when we finish paying off your Macy’s and Victoria’s Secret Credit Cards?

Me: Go shopping?

I don’t think he found the humor in my answer….

Decorating Time

This weekend we decorated the tree and more of the house. We had a fun time, except for mine and Hubby’s disputes of where to strategically place the (hideous) ornaments. I feel as if I shouldn’t have to compromise THAT much since the tree, to me, is not just a Christmas tree….but a birthday tree. Here are some things we dispute over:

*colored lights—I am not a big fan of colored lights on the tree–I like white, but I decided to let him have all color this year, so next year I can have all white. Note: last year we had both and I like colored lights on houses, just not on the tree.

*ugly ornaments—Hubby has some ornaments that he made when he was six, while he thinks they are sentimental, I think they are hideous, so I sneakily put them in the back of the tree.

*presents—i like to put clues on the presents to help people guess….he likes to put to/from…but slowly he is learning to do clues!

*it’s all about me syndrome—I think I should always get my way in my birthday month and Hubby disagrees and says the Holidays aren’t all about me…I beg to differ!

Now here is the final outcome of our decorating. Turned out pretty well, despite Hubby not letting me get my way (Note to Hubby: this doesn’t mean I think you are right! I just know when to pick my battles!)

Our Tree

Christmas Cards

Hannukah and Menorah Men

Stockings...Hubby's has a lump of coal

Entryway

Well, there you have it……Holiday Decorations 2008!

The Great Christmas Tree Mystery…

Ceramic Tree...where did you come from?

The Ceramic Tree Mystery:

My Aunt made this Ceramic Christmas Tree over 30 years ago. This Christmas I inherited this tree (my Nanny passed this October and this is one of the things I inherited, see Elmira, NY ).

I was so excited, that is until my sister quite sarcastically stated that this COULD NOT have been hand made! We all thought it was beautiful and one of a kind, until my sister pointed out no one (NOT even our very cool aunt) could make something that looked this good…and played music. My Aunt laughed and said she made it in a Ceramics Class. I completely forgot about all of this, until my sister brought it up again. We also have seen it on my friend’s blog and we  are thinking maybe this item is not as “original” as I had  thought or maybe this is a traditional item that you can make in any ceramics class.

So, as usual, Sar thinks SHE is right, while I still maintain, that even IF other people have it, our Aunt did make it……with her very own hands for our Nanny, so it SHOULD still have some sentimental value, right…well those are MY thoughts on the matter!

Can anyone solve our great ceramic tree mystery? Does anyone know where this comes from? Is it a mold? Is it something sold in the stores? Is it the great Christmas Mystery of 2008? (I just liked the ring of that)

What do YOU think? Don’t worry, you won’t hurt my feelings because I will still love that little old Ceramic Christmas Tree, no matter what!

Keeping It Real…

Snippets of conversations between Hubby and I.  Aren’t we cute? Yea, so life is always interesting…we have never had problems with a lack of things to talk about, I guess that is what makes us so compatible! (Besides the fact that I am AMAZING)

Here is our advice on keeping it real….

On Carpooling:

Me: You should drive me to work everyday, I need a chauffer!

Hubby: Then you have to get up earlier.

Me: Oh, never mind!

Real life Matters:

Me: If we get divorced, I get our house.

Hubby: I don’t see us getting divorced.

Me: Well, you never know….so I get the house just in case.

On chores:

Me: You have so many chores, when we get home…you have to make lunches, put things away, carry in stuff from the car…etc.

Hubby: What do YOU have to do!

Me: Well, I have to take a shower, and blog.

Hubby: Blogging IS NOT a chore…

Me: Well, it is kinda like it…if I don’t do it, I will disappoint some of my reader’s routines in the morning! I can’t have that kind of pressure on me.

On love:

Me: Wanna do it?

Hubby: I’m too full from dinner.

Me: Me too…let’s go to bed!

On Death:

Burning Love Confessions

Me:  My butt burns.

Hubby: Why?

Me: I have had the squirts all day.

Hubby: You are so romantic.

Me: Don’t you love me?

Hubby: Of course, Squirts and all.

Then later, while lying in bed warm, comfortable and cozy.. a foul, smell wafts up to my nose (kind of like a mixture of raw sewer and bad eggs–I felt like you needed the analogy)

 Me: Did you fart? I smell farts!

Hubby (snickering): ummmm it wasn’t me….well, yea, I guess I did, but I thought the fart was trapped under the covers, I don’t know how it got out!

Me: OMG! Your butt is SO foul!

Hubby: Don’t you love me?

Me (SILENCE)

These are the things they don’t warn you about when you get married….farts and all. Just for the record…Hubby NEVER farted in the bed when we were dating.

What happened?

Christmas Vaction=Freedom!

Whew, the Holidays are upon us and I have the rest of the week off of work….what could be better? Lounging around in pjs…watching Christmas movies, DRINKING, hanging out with family, and doing nothing….life couldn’t get much better. I wish I could be a professional non-worker! J Maybe that will be my goal for the next year!

Time for the long car trip to TX. If you don’t hear from me, than you know Hubby killed me during our 14 hour road trip…..but I think he finds me entertaining, so I am not too worried…plus we have Britney AND RED BULL to get us there! Hopefully, I won’t have to stop at every pit stop…but that is probably NOT going to happen! WOOO HOOO for long car rides! I am sure the dog will be better than I will be! Poor Hubby, I have a feeling he is in for a LONG day tomorrow…especially since he wants to start our road trip at 5AM. EWWWWW. Have I mentioned I am not a morning person!

Hope everyone has a relaxing and FUN Christmas Holiday, and safe travels!  

My First Tacky Ornament Party

So, at work this week they have what you call a Tacky Ornament Party. I have never been to one before, and normally when I think tacky I think one of two things:

1. How tacky is tacky? DEFINE because I can probably get really tacky

2. I can always hit tacky, but probably also rub in how great the school I went to is compared to the arch enemy university I now work for…..you know, hit below the belt. I am just mean like that…

So, after struggling for some time, I came up with my first tacky ornament…it might not win any prize, but it does foster my love for my University of Arizona Wildcats! Poor Wilbur he is made out of a wine bottle ….

Wilber the Wildcat! Even Santa loves him!

Wilber from behind (note his A cape and his tail)

Well, there you have it folks….no worries, I won’t quit my day job, just yet!

Oh yea, and I offered to make Hubby one for his office at work too…you know to get him in the Tacky Ornament Spirit…but he turned me down…..guess he wasn’t impressed with my artistic skills!

Bathroom Etiquette

Have you ever noticed when girls go to the bathroom at work….they want to chit chat with you? While in the stalls? Or while washing their hands?

Why is the bathroom the new place to hang out? I just don’t get it.

This is weird, people! Leave me alone. When I go to the bathroom (at work) I am there for two reasons:
1.      I want to drop the kids off at the pool and I need to concentrate, in peace! (Don’t judge….sometimes I cannot go unless I know I have the bathroom to myself…..not really anxiety, but more like bathroom serenity needs to be established)

2.      I am hiding out…the bathroom is a fun place to hide; people usually aren’t looking for me in there!

However, lately I have found myself going to alternate floors in the building because I need my peace, and I don’t want to get all chatty in the bathroom. That just doesn’t help me achieve my bathroom chi.

So, please people…..let me poop (or hide) in peace!

 

Morning NOISE

Lately, Hubby has been getting up really, really, really early to go to work. And we have already established that I AM NOT a morning person…so to be disturbed in my sleep is like waking up a bear from his hibernation. NOT.PRETTY. Of course, Hubby doesn’t think he is being that loud, but to me…sounds like FIREWORKS and MARCHING BANDS are going off in the morning as he slams around in the bathroom, taps his toothbrush, and shuffles about our room. Basically, I am about ready to KILL him. Again, I am just not rational in the morning.

So, sometimes we talk about this at night. I guess, I am hoping maybe he will be quieter or maybe he will realize how annoying he is in the WEE HOURS OF THE A.M. Although I am convinced he makes the morning bangs on PURPOSE because he doesn’t want me to sleep in any longer than he does, but he denies this. LIAR!

Me: In the morning, in my semi-state of consciousness, I dream that I am killing you with each bang you make. You know, like stabbing you like this….(violent stabbing motions are being made)

Hubby (rolling his eyes): I am SO quiet in the morning!

Me: ARE NOT!

Hubby: Waaaaaaaay quieter than you are.

Me: Probably true, but you are still not THAT quiet.

Hubby: I even lay out my clothes the night before, so I don’t make the drawers creek!

Me: You still bang around on purpose to wake me up!

Hubby: And you don’t EVER make noise!

Me: That’s right. That is because I am perfect! J

Snow Days….

Not that we ever got these that much, while living in CT and working at YALE, but right about now…with all my friends telling me they get to go home EARLY because of the perceived 7 inches of snow that should be hitting the East Coast….I actually miss this crap! HOW crazy am I?

I want a snow day! Please? Pretty Please? (How is it possible that I actually MISS the snow? After all I did was complain!) Well, I know I don’t miss shoveling or driving in it!

I can’t believe I miss it!  :)

Fun Finds…

So, I never told you guys the exciting news! My tacky Ornament (My First Tacky Ornament Party) was a big hit…I tied for first place! Can you believe it?!!! I can’t, I was thinking I would end up with my pride and joy ornament, but people were figthing over it…it goes to show where true alligiance lies and that everyone KNOWS the best university in Arizona is University of Arizona! Go CATS!

The ornament I won was pretty popular too. I had to fight two people for it, but finally she could be stolen no more. I knew she had to be mine…..it was love at first sight. She HAD to belong to me. I knew I had to bring her home to Hubby, as he would love her just as much as me! So may I present……

Christmas "Eve"

She is HOT, huh?

Then tonight Rae and I went out for a few last minute gifts. I found some pretty exciting sales and couldn’t pass up another “perfect” Christmas decoration. I spent a whole $1.50 on it, but it definately suits our household! It is just perfect, huh! What do you think?

The Perfect Sign

So here you have it folks, a few Christmas treasures for 2008! What a great time of the year!

Perfect Match

As of today, Hubby and I SHOULD have been in Texass (that is what I affectionately call it), however due to his evil job we are still here. (NOT WHERE I WANT TO BE). So, we are hoping to hit the road on Tuesday early morning to go visit his family for Christmas and my birthday. It is a 14 hour road trip, and yes, we are driving. I am not the best person to drive with because this is me, ARE.WE.THERE.YET????!!!! I know, you aren’t surprised, right. Plus, I usually have to go to the bathroom every 3 miles….yea, I am usually not allowed to have any beverages! I mean you know you have a problem, when our dog is better on these trips then me…..

However, today I am wondering why we AREN’T there yet……I am SO ready for a mini-vacation and break. We haven’t been anywhere fun in awhile and I need a break from my mundane life right now. Now, I am trying to get in the mood to go to work Monday, which I am CLEARLY NOT IN THE MOOD for. Because it was hard enought to be motivated on Friday, when I thought I was not coming back for awhile. I don’t know how I am going to get through tomorrow withought my flask….

On another note, Hubby and I were talking today and this is how we know we are a perfect match.

Hubby: I am trying to get in the Holiday Spirit, but I feel like such a grinch this holiday.

Me: I know, me too. And I NEED some booze to make me get in the HOLIDAY SPIRIT! We need to drink more Maker’s Cider.

Hubby: Do you think it is a bad thing, the amount of hard alcohol I have been devouring chugging consuming drinking lately?

(NOTE: His huge bottle of Maker’s is got maybe 2 shots worth left…and we just bought it in the beginning of December!)

Me: No, you need it and somedays I think I need the whole bottle too….

Hubby: That is how I know we are a perfect match!

Me: I know.

Driving driving driving…

I have to pee really really bad and we are in the middle of no where so am trying to distract myself NOT WORKING! Ugh bumps…

Texas

Our drive looked like this, now you can feel like you were right there with us…

We made it and I am still alive…Hubby didn’t kill me for asking “are we there yet” AND except for that unfortunate ( I almost died cause I had to pee) incident it was a relatively uneventful trip. Yea, I totally gulped a Red Bull once we got outside of El Paso and literally we had just passed a restroom and I didn’t have to go…then all of the sudden it hit me…and if we didn’t stop soon, I thought I would die.  Luckily for you all, I didn’t.

Anyways, we are here in San Antonio, weather is beautiful. Tonight we head down to the Riverwalk to look at all the pretty lights and to eat at a great Restaurant down there…..the guacamole is to die for! MMMM I am getting hungry just THINKING about the food! I will let you know how it is!

Happy Christmas Eve, from Texas…

Fun Family Conversations

Just some snippets of family conversation I thought you would enjoy from the holidays.

Mom-in-law to Hubby: Go pull your thing out and let’s play with it!

Hubby, Hubby’s sister and I start laughing…..yea, all of our minds were in the gutter that time!

FYI: she was referring to his baking….AND this is pre-drinking….

Later On that night…

Hubby: OOO OOO look Adult Emporium (XXX) is open…

Dad-in-law (on our way to the Boudros): We might stop there on our way back….we have so many batteries!

Hubby: Ummmm there is such a thing as TMI…and we have just reached that point.

And then at Christmas/Birtday time….

Me (opening my birthday gifts): OO OOO these are the bedsheets I wanted!

Everyone: What material are they?

Me: Satin-like, you know slip and slide material….

Gotta love family entertainment…it is even free!

Merry Christmas…

Last night at the Riverwalk was gorgeous! We had a great dinner, great conversations, and full bellies! Here is the proof…

Riverwalk lights!

 

Riverwalk bridge....

Then on to Boudros….Amazing food and they make the BEST guacamole!

Yummy, Yummy!

Very full kids!

Group shot on the Riverwalk...

And then it was time for Christmas PJs…..woo hoo!

Yea for Christmas PJs

The family poses with their Christmas Pajamas! Fun times!

Pre-birthday cake....

And then it was Christmas…….

Christmas Tree

Patches and her present, she is just like her momma…LOVES Christmas and CAN open her own gifts!

WOO HOO Presents!

And the aftermath….we call it Christmas Carnage….

the leftover and some tired pups!

Merry Christmas Everyone! Hope yours is as fun as ours!

On the Road Again…

Tomorrow at 5am we hit the road again back to AZ…..back to the grind. We had such a great time in Texas, it will be sad to leave. Our Christmas was great and we have so much loot to hall back….good thing we took the truck! Another great Christmas over, it always makes me sad because it is my most favorite time of the year. Now we will be headed on the open road early, early in the morning and then back to work this week. YUCK.

I will try not to scarf any Red Bull this time, so that I won’t have to pee every minute….hopefully. Yuck. I.HATE.THE.DRIVE.BACK.

Don’t worry road updates will follow. ARE WE THERE YET?

Brother & Sister Love

Hubby (to me): Did you want to hear about the end of the Spurs game?

Me: I heard about it.

Hubby’s Sis: What? Tell me! I want to know!

Hubby (to his Sis): You don’t care…

Hubby’s Sis: Well, I can pretend I do!

Me (laughing): That is awesome! I need a shirt that says that.. ”I pretend to care!”

Bored

Me: I’m bored! Are we there yet?
Hubby:not even close!

Cruisin’ Conversations

So, we made it back. It was probably the worst trip back EVER because we got (a little) too many speeding tickets (we think). Well, Hubby did. One in the middle of TX for going 85 mph (PEOPLE THE SPEED LIMIT THERE IS 80) however, it was still dark out (being that it was 6am) and so he got a ticket because he should have been going 65 (night speed). OOPS! Then there was a camera set up in Tucson….I hate those stupid speed cameras. So, we can’t be sure, but it totally flashed. Oh well. It happens, but I think this trip got very expensive!

Anyways, besides that part and the long, boring drive we did have some good conversations….

On Driving

Me: I hate driving! (Mind you I think on the way back I drove maybe an hour and a half out of 14 hours….. )

Hubby: Why

Me: Cause I see dead things. And it is probably not a good idea to close my eyes like I do everytime I see them.

On How much longer

Me: Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?

Hubby: I can pull this car over and you can walk!

On Speeding Tickets

Me: There goes our Christmas money. I think it may have been cheaper to fly!

Hubby: (DEAD SILENCE)

On the Best BBQ in Texas (Advice to Readers)

Me: If you ever see this place GO THERE!

On Small Towns in the Middle of West Texas

Hubby: Let’s stop there…at the one that says Travel Center

Me (slowing down..yea it was the one time I was driving) Oh yea, THIS looks like a nice travel center. (FYI…it was a run down shack with ONE pump) Kinda like this, but not exactly…

Hubby: After we fill up, want a tour of the town?

Me: I think I will pass.

On food in the car:

Hubby doesn’t like me to eat in the car, but I do it anyways.

Me: UH OH

Hubby(angry-like): Did you drop your pretzels?!

Me: uh oh

Hubby: You will pick that up!

Me: Ooops I think it fell somewhere out of reach…..

Coming soon…pictures of my pretzel art

Well, there you have it. Don’t you just feel like you were in the car with us?

We didn’t kill each other and we are still talking to each other, so all in all good times!

Eye Twitching & Alien Babies

I don’t know what is wrong with me, but my eye (lid) has been twitching for the last two days. I have no idea why, but it is driving me crazy.

Has this ever happened to you?

It is weird, it is like my eyelid just moves, like there is an alien baby inside of it…or something…ok, maybe I have an active imagination, but I can’t help it.

So, while at work, I was talking to my co-worker (CW). Mind you it is totally dead at work this week…NO ONE IS HERE and I mean NO ONE. School doesn’t start back up for another week.

Me: Does your eye ever twitch? Cause mine is totally twitching right now! Do you think it is stress?

CW: No, I just think you are retarded.

Gee, with friends like that who needs enemies….right? Or maybe there really is an alien baby in my eyelid…..

Happy New Years

Me at New Years…..

Hubby at New Years….well actually Hubby all year long….

Hope Everyone has a happy one!

New Year Resolution Attempts

I never was one for making  resloutions, only because 1. I usually can’t remember them and 2. I am never good at keeping them (hey at least I am honest). So maybe it should be called New Year’s Resloution Tasks to Attempt IF I feel like it. Yea, I like that.

Well, here they are:

1. I will try and crack open a cookbook to learn to cook more dinners for Hubby (yea, who are we kidding). How about, I will try and crack open a cookbook to help Hubby find new and improved recipes!

2. I will try to not ask “are we there yet” every 2 minutes if we go on any LONG road trips to Texas, or wherever. Instead, I will ask “how much longer” every 5 minutes.

3. I will try and win the lottery so we can be rich and famous! (This way I can watch TV all day and attempt to continue to read cookbooks.)

4. I will buy a house this year….well with the money that we win with the lottery winnings, of course!

5. I will stop proclaiming NOT IT whenever I don’t want to clean up cat vomit, cat litter or any other nasty present we see in the house. (Ok, this one is a blatant lie, but I can attempt to attempt it….)

6. I will try and clean the house more, rather than saying I needed to lay in bed because I am allergic to cleaning.

7. I will try to do poop patrol in the backyard, take out the trash, and help pick weeds rather than say to Hubby “Those are a boy’s job and I don’t want to take away from your ability to feel manly.”

8. I will try to stop leaving make-up chunks on Hubby’s side of the sink and clean them up when they happen because Hubby hates when I leave messes on his side. (In my defense, I do this so he can always be remembering and  thinking about me fondly!)

9. I will try not to call Rae and Hubby Pukey 1 and Pukey 2 after they both puked New Year’s Eve because they drank too much.

10. I will try not to torment and squeeze Americus, the evil alarm clock cat, as much this year.

11. I will try not to torment my sisters so much even when they are mean to me and even though we are all grown ups now…..

12. I will be thankful for an amazing Hubby, who puts up with all of my antics and loves me still unconditionally, right Hubby?

Well, there you have it. My attempts to be a better and more well-rounded person for the New Year, although I think I am pretty amazing already….but I guess everyone has some improvement areas….

I hope everyone has an Amazing New Year and wish everyone health, happiness and winnings from the lottery for 2009!

Good Times…

Here is the proof from our fun family New Year’s Eve get together. We made a little fondue, played a little Wii, and watched the Ball in Times Square drop. And some of us had a bit too much to drink, but what a way to ring in the New Year, right?!

Hubby with his booze...starting the New Year out right!

 

Making Fondue with a captive audience

Hubby and me with our booze

And the countdown to midnight begins….

Watching the ball drop...

Wait…where is Rae (AKA Pukey 1)

Reaching for that water glass...

Hmmmm bringing in the New Year is always fun in the bathroom!

Pukey 1

P.S. Rae might kill me for putting up these pics….but they teach a valuable lesson about pace and the value of food, plus I knew her boy would want to see them.

Moments of Silence…

Me: Hubby, will you please drive my mom and sister home because I am too lazy?

Hubby (sitting right across from me): SILENCE

Me: Hubby, don’t you love me?

Hubby (not even looking up): SILENCE

Me (more quietly and sad): Hubby, don’t you love me?

Hubby: SILENCE

Me: I don’t like these moments of silence….you are supposed to jump up and say “YES, Dear of course I will. I love you soooooo much!”

Hubby: SILENCE

Guitar Hero Addictions

Dear Guitar Hero,

I love you. You are a very fun game and I think I am addicted to your colorful notes. I see them everywhere! I  see color notes everytime I listen to any song on the radio. I see the color notes in my sleep. I see color notes all around me. I cannot get your songs out of my head and I love Midori and her green legwarmer socks and purple hair. I really feel that I AM Midori the Rocker!

P.S. Can you please cause my sister’s fingers to fall off, so she can stop being better than me?

Love,

A faithful fan

I guess this is what happens when you play for 5 hours straight.

Are we really THAT old?

I should preface this post with the fact that I USED to LOVE going to the movie theatre and thought I still did until last night. Last night we saw Marley and Me, which was a good movie and I was just excited to be going to see a movie, since it is not a frequent thing for us.

It was our first “movie night” in awhile and I decided at 9pm that I wanted to go see it. (Mind you the movie started at 9:20pm.) But there is nothing like the spur of the moment…makes things exciting, much to Hubby’s chagrin. Especially when I dilly dally like I do. As Hubby is rushing around yelling at me to “HURRY UP or we won’t make it!”

So, we get there just in time to see the movie, despite threats…

Me: I am going to kill you if you yell at me anymore! ( As we all know I am prone to exaggerate)

Hubby: Not if I kill you first!

We get there with plenty of time…. just as the movie is starting. However, as I sit down next to a lady and her 5 year old (bouncing in his seat, can’t.sit.still.kid) I whisper to Hubby that I am going to move to the other side of him to get away from this kid. We then move down a few seats….a few moments later I hear a shrieking baby to my right. Come on, People? Why are you bringing small children to the movies? Ever heard of babysitters? I don’t know why this makes me sooooo crazy, well probably because we just paid an obscene amount of money to watch a movie, a little quiet could go a long way.

Then we are halfway through the movie and the teens in front of us are whipping out their iphones and playing around, causing a HUGE glare of computer screen to be in my face, while they point, whisper and talk to their friends. (Remind me why they are at the movies if they are just gonna talk on their phones? )Then at about 10 minutes to the end of the movie the people to the right of us start whispering and laughing (mind you the END of Marley and Me is SAD) and Hubby has to SHOOSH them, which doesn’t work that well anyway, but the effort is much appreciated!

We then get out of the movie and I say to Hubby:

Me: Tell me are we just getting old or are the movie patrons getting ruder and ruder?

Hubby: We are just getting old and crochety.

Me: Sad story, while I was hoping that was not the case…I guess we are those crabby people that SHOOSH everyone during the movie, you know the ones we used to make fun of when we were teenagers at the movies.

Hubby: Except WE didn’t have cellphones then!

I guess we really ARE getting THAT old, especially when our idea of a “great movie night” is staying at home in our PJs with some microwave popcorn and a DVD, instead of fighting with people at the movie theatre.

My Get out of Work Free Card…

Tomorrow I am summoned to Jury Duty. While most people would probaby not be excited for this….I LOVE the idea of missing work! I know, call me crazy, but a day of people watching ( I like to make up stories about people that I am watching….for instance, see that person that is in the cubicle next to yours….he used to be a mass murderer, until he stole someone’s identity…he is currently scoping you out and soon will kill you and take over your job!) See won’t I make THE. PERFECT. JUROR? Especially with my overactive imagination!

Plus, I get to sleep in an extra 30 minutes…..what more could one ask for? So, tomorrow I will report on my crazy day, that is, unless I am chosen to be on a trial…but that would be too good to be true. Imagine missing that much work……WOO HOO!

Yea, my luck isn’t THAT good because this morning I broke a small compact mirror, which means 7 years of bad luck are about to be upon me….eh, whatever….I am not scared. YET.

Fork Stabbings, crowdings, and lack of free wifi

Well, so far Jury Duty isn’t all it is cracked up to be. First, I got my fork for lunch taken away from me while going through the Xray machine.

Xray scanners: Maam, do you have a fork in your purse?

Me: No, I don’t think so…..oh wait, yea for my lunch.

Xray scanners: We need to confiscate that. You can get it when you are done for the day.

Me: But, how am I going to eat my lunch? I promise not to stab anyone….

Xray scanners (not seeing the humor): There are plastic forks in the cafeteria.

So, there goes my fork stabbing plan…..hopefully I remember to get it when I am done.

I am crowded in a small room of people and I guess they will be screening people soon. In the meantime, I tried to get on the “free wifi” but guess what….it IS NOT FREE.

Woo hoo, guess my 7 years of bad luck has begun….let the fun begin!

To Be Continued….

Jury Duty Survival

Well, I survived Jury Duty and lived to tell about it. I did not get kicked out, I did not stab anyone with my (now) confiscated fork, and did not follow some of your suggestions to say that I believed in ”an eye for an eye” to get out of it.

I actually rather enjoyed it. There were TONS of weird people there, I mean you name it I saw it. There were all types of people (young, old, weird looking, smelly and ones that looked like maybe they should be on trial) and the lady on the loudspeaker thought she was a regular comedian. She even cracked jokes and told us if any of us got unruly she would have her bodyguard, the baliff, take care of us….which meant, I had to refrain from stabbing anyone with my (now) plastic fork, unless I wanted a trial of my very own. Which might have been fun, but I decided it would be a VERY expensive process for Hubby to go through and since I haven’t won the lottery yet, he probably would have let me stay in jail.

I was sitting next to this older guy and he and I kept getting picked for everything…and trust me, the first big case was a 3 month murder trial, and as much FUN as I thought it would be to get out of work for 3 months (because my name WAS selected), I decided I had better claim “financial hardship” being I highly doubted my work would pay for me to be gone for 3 months and $12 dollars a day for three months was NOT going to cut it, as much as I had wished it would! Next, my neighbor and I got called to do a 1 month trial, they didn’t tell us what this one was about, but again, $12 a day wasn’t going to cut it, so again I clamied “financial hardship.” Then we got to sit around for a bit “in case they needed us” and watch videos on the the Justice System….fun times, I tell you!

And that, dear readers, was my day in a nutshell. No fork stabbings this time around, but hopefully next time I am called to do my “public duty” I will be better prepared!

P.S. You will all be happy to know I got my fork back!

Regrets…

Me: HMPH. (Sighing heavily)

Hubby: What’s a matter?

Me: I could have been a juror on a murder trial! Instead, I am going back to my job tomorrow to do boring things…I won’t even use my brain…like I could have, had I been on a murder trial.

Hubby: Sorry, Dear.

Me: Glad I got my MBA….remind me, why I did that? I could have been learning all about murder…what to do and what not to do…so that I could plot your demise! Just like on my favorite show, Snapped! http://www.oxygen.com/tvshows/snapped/about.aspx

But, alas, it will be back to the boring routine for me…hmph!

Gotta love the sisters…

So, all my life I have been made fun of by my sisters for having a big butt. (I really think they are just jealous) Everytime I used to come home for a visit they would turn me around and say…”how is it possible that your butt has gotten BIGGER?!” So, recently Rae found me a cartoon that attested to this, so as proof that I have a good sense of humor and as paybacks for me posting up her Pukey 1 pictures (just in case any of you missed this you can view Pukey 1 here at: Good Times…), I am going to show you the cartoon she found in honor of my behind…

And that, my friends, is my behind in a nutshell. Oh well, I guess I could have worse problems, right Rae?

The Curious Case of the Bed Hog

(NOTE: The following story is a true event. The place and names HAVE NOT been changed to protect the identity of the party involved.)

I have always liked laying on the floor. I enjoy watching movies, tv and even sometimes (gasp) sleeping on the floor. For as long as I can remember, my sisters and I have made “floor beds” on the floor with tons of blankets and pillows, so I guess that is why I love the floor so much.

Lately, every morning without fail, Hubby finds me asleep on the floor right beside the bed. I don’t know why I do this. Sometimes I am hot, sometimes I must sleep walk, and sometimes I think it is a curious case of the bed hog that pushes me to the floor…maybe.

Here is the bed hog: (and yes, she really does sleep like this)

Patches AKA BED HOG

The Bed Hog is always HOGGING the bed, if not hogging the bed, then kicking me with her feet. Why does she sleep on the bed you ask? Because IF she does not get her way, she will WHINE and WHINE and WHINE, until I want to strangle her….and try as I might I CAN’T ignore her. ( I know she does sound a lot like me, huh?)

So, this morning, I woke up a couple of times to a gagging, hacking cough-like sound over my head. I thought to myself why is HUBBY sounding like that? Only to semi-wake up and find myself on the floor, Patches laying length-wise on my side, with her head on my pillow looking down at me gag-coughing.

Strange, I think to myself:

1. How did I end up on the floor, while my dog is in MY bed next to MY Hubby, looking down at me, like I am the dog?

2. Is she going to throw up a hairball on me?

Curious, very curious indeed….

Pretty "Princess" Patches

The Worst Week Ever…

It’s just been one of those weeks and I am just happy to put it behind me.

Here are the highlights:

1.  Had to say no to Jury Duty selection in fear that I would be homeless on the 12 dollars a day Jury pay.

2.  My car is broken, ok really just my sunglass holder in my car is broken, but still I loved that sunglass holder!

3.  Found out we are poor, ok I already knew this, but it hit me hard this week, AND I STILL HAVEN’T WON THE LOTTERY YET

4.  Didn’t win the lottery…oh do I need to buy a ticket to win?

5.  Cut the back of my leg while shaving.

6.  Got to enter meaningless data into a calendar at work.

7.  Didn’t get to use my brain this week….

8.  Drank half of our liquor….uh oh!

9.  Had people at work rub it in that I didn’t know THAT company policy is to pay you if you get selected for Jury Duty…didn’t I read the HR POLICIES? (sending rays of hate their way)

10.  Got to sit in two 2 hour meetings this week, and wondered what am I doing with my life?

11. Broke a small compact mirror in the morning, while half-asleep. Seven years of bad luck coming my way…

12. Accidentally deleted one of my shows in the DVR because I got “delete happy.”

Well, I am sure there is more….but thankfully, we are on to another week…which I am hoping will be much better than this week was!

Confessions of A (Bed) Side Stealer

Every morning when Hubby gets up to feed the obnoxious pets, I roll over and steal his side because it is warm and I like to spread out. This morning I thought I would be an amazing, nice, wonderful wifey and feed the pets for him, so he could stay in bed, even though it is a “boy’s” job to feed the pets. (Yea, so I have already failed my resolutions…I knew I would…that is why I said they are more like attempts).

So, I did it and what do I find when I come back to the bed? But, Hubby on MY SIDE! I try and push and shove him to no avail.

Hubby:  MMMM NO! This time I am STEALING your side!

Me: FINE! That is the last time I will be a nice wifey and feed the pets! (I then crawl back into bed on the wrong side)

Hubby then tries to snuggle.

Me: Don’t touch me!

Hubby: I love you.

Me: I hate you, you sides stealer!

Hubby: So this is love!

Land mines, vacuuming, and checking your email…

Me: Should we straighten the house?

Hubby: I guess so.

Me: Ok, I will do the cat litter and vacuum and you should really do Poop Patrol outside cause it looks like the backyard is full of poop, instead of dirt.

So, being the good Hubby that he is, goes out to clean up the land mines. Without even a complaint!

And that is when I get out the vacuum cleaner, plug it in and set it up in a room, so it can “appear” as though I am about to vacuum. Then I head straight for the office to play on the computer “AKA checking my email.”

I am so lost in the moment of “checking my email” that I didn’t hear Hubby come in.

Hubby (yelling): WHAT are YOU doing?!

As he brings me the bag of collected land mines and swings it in my face.

Me (guiltily): Checking my email. EWWWWW!

Hubby: That is not on the chore list, nor is it a chore!

Me: Of course it is, and I was just taking a “break” anyways.

Hubby: You are so lazy!

Hmmmm I prefer sneaky!

Economic Hardship and the Ivy Leagues

Upon checking the mail this week, Hubby received a letter from Yale University, where he had previously gone to graduate school. Let me remind you, that he has not even been out of school for a year yet, and just 3 months ago he was receiving “Would you like to make a donation” letters.

Ummm, let me think about that. Heck no!

I mean we are still getting over the fact that we don’t have to eat PB&J sandwiches everyday! So, when I saw this envelope, I thought it was more of the same thing. I left it on the counter for Hubby to read.

Hubby opens it later and laughs out loud.

Hubby: I think I will be making a call to the Yale Accounts office in the morning.

Me: Why?

Hubby: Look at this letter!

Me (scanning quickly): What?

Hubby: This is my bill for the Fall 2008 semester……they think I am still there….but I GRADUATED!

Me: HILARIOUS….They must have sent it because you wouldn’t donate! Gotta make money somehow! It’s rough times…. even for the Ivy Leagues!

Wait...I don't go there anymore

My Sister the Facebook Fiend

My sister's obsession

This weekend, Sar learned to use Facebook and now is obsessed with getting as many “friends” as she can. It is like some kind of obsessive thing going on here, I mean we already have established she is a blog stalker, now she is obsessed with forcing people to be her friend on Facebook and if they haven’t responded yet, she thinks it is because they are contemplating “IF” they should be her friend. Honestly, everything is a competition with her. This is because she has middle child syndrome. So, unfortunately, she will never outgrow it.

Sar (exclaiming vehemently): I HAVE 24 friends on my Facebook page now!

Me: Wow, that is like 12 a day….amazing!

Sar: I know, EVERYONE wants to be my friend!

Me: UH HUH

P.S. I wrote this blog about her to attempt to get her more friends on facebook, so she can fulfill her life quest of the most friends possible. Let me know if you want to be her friend and I can give her your name so she can bask in the glory of cyber friendships and stalkings.

Licking the Envelope…

This past weekend Mom took us to go see the musical Chicago. It was pretty awesome and we had a great time!

Afterwards, while sitting outside the theatre, Rae took notice of a ATM machine and wanted to learn to deposit a check. She had never deposited without a live person before, so I told her I would help her. ( I know I am the BEST.SISTER.EVER.) And she is a bit sheltered!

Me: Sign the back of your check.

Rae: Ok

Me: Pull out an envelope and write your totals on it and put your check in the envelope.

Rae: Then what?

Me: Lick the envelope. Novel concept, huh?

She didn’t find the humor in this or my comment of being the best sister ever.  I think it might be the last time she asks me to teach her something…

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall…

As we are brushing our teeth getting ready for bed the other night, Hubby and I have an interesting conversation.

Me: You have red eyes. That is how I know you and Patches are ready for bedtime.

Hubby (staring closely at himself in the mirror): I don’t have red eyes, do I?

Me: Yup you do.

Hubby (again examining himself closely): Do you think I should shave soon? I think this scruff makes me look SEXY.

Me (matter of factly): I think it makes you look old!

Hubby (sarcastic): I don’t look old!

Me (matter of factly): Yes you do.

Hubby: Well, it isn’t like I have any gray hairs yet….do I? (And he begins to examine his hair in the mirror)

Isn’t Hubby lucky to have me? For better or worse….and I think he is SO VERY LUCKY!

Stress Reduction Kits

Sometimes it is better to express yourself visually and this is how I feel this week….I just need to tape this to my doors. ALL.OF.THEM. At home, work, a smaller one for in the car and another taped to my ATM card– for my bank account!

Let me know if you need one and I will make you one with my own two hands AND sign the back! I know, what more could you ask for, right? Asking price is $19.95 plus shipping and handling. If you order it on the blog, I will give you a 5% discount!

 I will accept cash or money order only. Let me know, this hand-drawn kit is a super deal at a steal of a price!

P.S. This has been tested (by yours truly) and proven to be effective! So, I encourage you to buy and use it today before they run out!

My Dog, the ConeHead

This past week, Patches has been licking and licking and licking and licking and licking and licking and licking (well, I think you get the point) her back leg until it was raw. Seeing this, Hubby and I decided we would try our hands at being veternarians (this is not reccommended, but it seemed to work, at first), since our income, lately has been on the downward spiral. We decided we would saran wrap this rogue leg, so she couldn’t lick it.

However, about six or seven days later, she was still licking and the saran wrap was just not cutting it.

So, today,  Hubby took her to the vet (after much begging and pleading to take our “dying puppy” to the vet so her leg would not fall off and she wouldn’t die..insert my sad puppy eyes here)!

They think it is some kind of bacterial infection, since it is nowhere else on her body, but this one spot. So, they gave her some antiseptic spray and shaved her back leg and said we have to watch her and make sure she doesn’t lick it!

And then…..they said she had to wear the conehead, to make sure she didn’t lick….I really tried not to laugh when I saw this…I know, I am such a bad mother….as I pointed and rolled on the floor!

But, as she banged into the walls to come and greet me when I got home, I just fell to the floor laughing because everywhere she went she banged into EVERYTHING. Poor, Poor Patches. She is the saddest dog ever and after what we paid at the vet, Hubby is forcing her to wear it per the vet’s reccomendation of ten days!

Poor, Sad Patches!

Wii away your frustrations…

So, we rented this really cool wii game called Bomberland. It is awesome, and I mean AWESOME. You can play up to 4 players, and you get to bomb things. I can’t explain how AWESOME it feels to bomb things….and eventually you can try and bomb each other, to kill each other. Now, I am not a violent or competitive person (at least I don’t think so—-just because I exclaim I WON, I WON…doesn’t mean anything, right?) but this game is so much fun! Nothing like bombing and destroying a few people, after a hard day’s work!

The other night me, Sar, and both Hubby’s were playing. Now, Sar is VERY competitive and wasn’t enjoying the fact that her Hubby kept dropping bombs everywhere and killing her….it was really quite amusing. I mean REALLY AMUSING cause she gets MAD!

Sar: ALAN! STOP trying to kill me!

(Insert Alan giggling like a little girl)

Hubby: Are you guys trying to gang up on me?

Sar: No, but Alan is trying to Bomb me all the time and I am just saying he SHOULD support me! (She then glares at him ferociously)

Alan (snickering as he bombs her): Sorry, your dead.

Sar: JERK

Isn’t it amazing how these games bring us closer together and magically wipe away all of our problems, temporarily of course?

Evil Taco Bell!

MY LOVE

They took away my two favorite things on the menu! I hate them right now and their inability to make me happy! HOW DARE THEY?!

Hubby (calling on phone): UMMMM they don’t have fully loaded nachos anymore.

Me: WHAT! Tell them to get back in the kitchen and MAKE THEM FOR ME! Ok, I will have a volcano taco.

Hubby: They don’t have that anymore.

Me: GEEZ ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Do they still have tacos?

Sending EVIL RAYS OF HATE THEIR WAY! RUDE!

Wife: For Sale, Rent, or Lease to Own

With all the hype in the news lately with it being “rough times,” Hubby and I couldn’t get over the news stories on the girl selling her virginity and the guy trying to sell his 14 year old daughter for beer and meat. I mean times are tough, people! So, I completely understand where they are coming from…..I think.

So, Hubby and I thought we should jump on this bandwagon, while the market is HOT!

Me: Can you believe all these stories?

Hubby: No. I know, maybe we should sell you.

Me: Good idea. I have no idea what the ad could say, but maybe something like Rent-a-wife or something and we should start the bid at 1 million dollars! ( I am totally worth it..stop laughing)

Hubby: Yea, but like only for one night cause I think I would miss you.

(Gotta love that Hubby….see he still loves me!)

Thinking to myself…I have no idea what this ad would say? Maybe something like:

Wife for Rent: Think I love Lucy…must have LOTS of patience. She doesn’t cook, usually feigns cleaning, and exclaims NOT IT whenever she wants to get out of chores (which is most of the time). Has no skills. Cannot sew, rarely does laundry, and belches a lot. Not really sure what she is good for, that is why I am selling her. Make me an offer. Comes AS IS. Have to rent out to make bill payments and to be able to buy beer. But, willing to negotiate because times are tough and her income is needed.

How does that sound, Hubby?

The Internal Debate

I am not admitting to anything….just want your opinions and am curious! Shhhhh don’t tell Hubby that I do this. Plus I am hoping the odds are in my favor!

I’m Not That Innocent…

Well, I am still pretty new at the the whole blogging scene, but I have received two of these now and must pay my lustful respects back to really cool peeps I have met out here in Blogland!

From Stephanie

From Crone and Bear It

I received a really nice blog award from a really cool, new bloggy friend at It All Comes Down To This…. Check her out, and she will make you giggle as she does me!

I had also received an award from another blog that never ceases to crack me up, Crone and Bear It , check her out too because she (or her dog) is sure to have you snickering!

Now, is the challege: The Rule ( I was never good at following rules, but I will do my best)

1.  List six things that inspire your creativity

2.  Pass the award on to 7 more kreativ bloggers

3.  Link back to the person who gave you the award

4.  Link to the people you are passing it on to and leave them a comment to let them know

Answers:

1. Hubby
2. My Pets
3. Sisters
4. Family
5. Friends—those I know and those I stalk in Blogs
6. I like to laugh

2. I hate picking and choosing awards (mostly because I don’t want anyone to feel left out) but I can definately tell you some of my favorites–in three words or less, and just because I don’t give you an award doesn’t mean I don’t lust after your blog….it’s just that I got tired of typing and I am lazy!

A Blog of Her Own —HYSTERICAL LADY

DarcKnyt —INSPIRING

For What It\’s Worth —FUNNY OLD FART

The PortlandPhile —MY TWIN WIFE

Confessions of a Young Married Couple —PISS PANTS FUNNY

Swimming In My Head…  —FUNNY BLOGGY BUD

I Can Grow People —FUNNY PREGO FRIEND

Here is your award…..you should return the favor to others to make them smile!

Your award

 

Well there you have it! Thanks Guys, you are my crack! Love ya!

Hubby’s Not so Lucky Day

The Closest image I could find in relation to the elusive Mountain Man....

Another day in the life of me and Hubby’s pre-bedtime conversations. Oh, to be a fly on our wall, right?

Me: Guess what? It is YOUR lucky day!

Hubby (looking a little scared): Why?

Me (proudly): I shaved my legs!

Hubby: MMMMM

Me: Oh, don’t worry your not THAT kinda lucky. Plus you still have that scruff going on.

Hubby: But I look SEXY.

Me: More like a Mountain Man.

Hubby: No, this is not Mountain Man, this is Wilderness Boy. Wilderness boy is just scruff…Mountain Man is full blown beard.

Me: OK, glad we have that straight now.

Are you a Good Witch or a Bad Witch?

A picture of me while making everyone clean the house on the weekends. And no I am not PMSing….I just want a clean house….is it too much to ask for?

But, once the house is clean, I transform back into this. AWWWW.

Warnings from Patches, the dog.

Dear Mom and Dad,

I know you don’t take me seriously and you think I am crazy when I chase the cats and herd them from room to room. But, I do this for your own good. The other day I caught Boston on the computer and a few days later I uncovered some notes under Boston’s scratch pad. Mom, I think they are plotting something and just wanted you to be aware.

I love you.

Patches, the perfect dog.

Here is the site that Patches found. I thought I had better warn you readers out there (especially those with cats) because you might be in the same boat, and it is better off if you read it for yourself! The author really knows what he is talking about and I fear we may be in for an ambush!

http://www.catswhothrowupgrass.com/kill.php

Marriage: Keeping it Real

A few weeks ago I was staring at Hubby, as he was playing on the computer, watching a basketball game.

Me: What do you want to do? Do you want to play some Wii? Do you want to watch your game?

Hubby: Ummmm…

Me: Ok, you watch your game, I will go poo.

Hubby: You say that like it is an alternative thing to do, like reading a magazine. Just something you can do at any moment to entertain yourself.

Me: Yea, that is how it is for me. Lucky you.

Our Side of the Story

Dearest Mom and Dad,

We were offended by your recent belief that we were plotting to kill you. Let us remind you, that we have been with you longer than that stupid dog, who whines and tattles more than she guards the house. She is just a whiny tattle tale looking for attention.

I mean really, you think we would want to kill you? Our only food source? Are you guys crazy?

We thought you should know the truth. We have been on the computer occasionally, but the reason is not what that stupid mutt suggested (we have NO IDEA why that site was bookmarked, but we think Patches was setting us up). However, we were merely trying to pull our share in helping with the family finances. We came up with a great idea to make some money. We think you will be very pleased with this idea.

We have decided to sell Patches, just think how much money you will save in Busy Bones alone! We think we are genious and will soon create a business to assist other families in need.

We love you and are faithful 100%.

Love forever and always,

Your Angels Boston and Americus

To Have and To Hold…

Hubby is headed out of town this week to go to Texas to visit his parents and do some manual labor. I know he will miss me, but frankly, I am excited to spread out on the bed and watch whatever I WANT on TV. No snoring, no kicking, no farting disturbing my sleep. Ahhhh the excitement.

But, I will miss him despite all of the above (but don’t tell him this…I can’t have his head swelling up!) See, gotta keep it on the downlow, as you can tell from our conversation below:

Hubby: Come here, baby. Come sit with me. I’m going to miss you this week.

Me (giving the look): SILENCE

Hubby (scowls at me and then waits in anticipation)

Me (evil smile): Oh, was I supposed to say something? I am just excited to have the bed to myself!

My Crazy Sister

This weekend, my sister has started her own blog. She is already addicted to it and cannot stop checking her site for stats, comments and anything else that might float her boat. She is CRAZY, I tell you CRAZY. But, I guess we have already established this due to her addictions with facebook, getting attention driven to herself, and her crazy competitions that are all in her head.

She thinks she is really cool now. Personally, I am still doubtful of her real “coolness” I just think it is more about getting attention. It is just middle child syndrome, if you ask me.

Me: Are you STILL BLOGGING?

Sar: Yes, GO AWAY! I need SILENCE, I’m concentrating. This is the blog where I’m hysterical and it is my stepping stone into blog world and it’s where I am going to make all my fans!

My Hubby and Sar’s Hubby overhear this exchange.

Hubby (to Sar’s Hubby): Good luck, your wife has now started blogging. Be ready to have your every move critiqued and laughed at by the ENTIRE WORLD. BWWWaaaah haaaaa haaaaa

(Cue sinister music here)

Oh, yea, I guess you had better check her out and decide for yourself. See, what a great sister I am…shamelessly plugging my own crazy sister, to further her crazy addictions, and don’t forget to leave her a comment or two! Otherwise her every comment on my blog will be (I have the better blog or something like it).  Check her out at: Middlechildadvice\’s Blog

To obey or not? THAT is the question…

Well, Hubby is away in Texas this week, so I will not be able to have our exciting pre-bedtime conversations about SEXY scruff, getting old and the NOT IT rule.

Instead, I will try and get into trouble in other ways. Such as, avoiding his explicit instructions to not forget to put on Patches’ headcone everyday this week….hmmm we shall see……..but, she hates it people, she really hates it. If you don’t know what I am talking about, please see My Dog, the ConeHead

See those sad eyes. It is like she is a teenager in headgear!

So, tell me what do you think?

Where do Babies Come From?

(Note: The following conversation is, IN FACT, a real conversation. It really DID happen, and I did not make one bit of it up! I did, however, change the name to protect his identity…although he probably won’t talk to me after this anyway)!

Since Hubby is away this week, I will have to find other people to torment…and I can think of one person, in particular, that I have been meaning to torment via blog. One of my FAVORITE friends from WAAAAAYYYY back. For the purpose of this blog, let’s call him Hacim. Hacim and I went to highschool together and have known each other for a VERY long time. (I think he would say we have known each other too long). I consider him one of my best friends, although he would proably say he doesn’ t think of me that way, but it is just a cover. He would be quite sad without me. Isn’t that right, Hacim?

Well, when we were in college Hacim, myself, and my roomates had a VERY interesting conversation one night. It went something like this. (FYI–My memory is very accurate when it comes to this and I think you will see why). 

Me: Hey, Hacim do you know where babies come from? (He didn’t take Advanced Bio 3-4 like the rest of us smarty pants, so I thought I would make fun of him—hey I used to be smart!)

Hacim: Of course, I do. They come from a boy and a girl when they do stuff together.

My Roomate: Oh yea, but where do they come out?

Hacim: Well, the girl grows another hole somewhere down there (pointing down).

Me and Roomie (trying to contain our laughter, but failing MISERABLY): What do you mean…”grows another hole?”

Hacim (clearly getting angry): Well, HOW should I know, I am not a girl. They just grow another hole and the baby pops out, right!?

Me and Roomies burst into a fit of giggles.

Fast forward 12 years later:

Me (sing song like–in front of his new girl): Hey Hacim, WHERE DO BABIES COME FROM?

Hacim: Shut the eff up!

His Girl: What is this story?

Me: I can fill you in, see it all happened one day in college….

Hacim(rolling eyes): Shut up!

I don’t think he will EVER, EVER live this down. EVER. Gotta love memories, right Hacim?

I have a problem…

Unlike others of you out there that stalk blogs and don’t leave comments, I LOVE leaving comments. I WANT people to know I have been there. I think it is because it is like a dog marking its’ territory. (Ok, maybe not exactly like that). But, I like people to know I have been to their site, plus I think (sometimes) I can offer jewels of wisdom. No, really, sometimes I AM smart, right Mom?

 I love reading the various blogs out there and commenting all over the place and until recently, I didn’t realize this addiction. But, I think I am finally coming to terms with it. I.AM.A.COMMENT.WHORE.

There, I said it. See, I feel better getting it off my chest.

I just can’t help myself. I love them! The short ones, the long ones, I love reading them and leaving them. Capital ones, lowercase ones, nice ones, mean ones…I love them all! So, my question is, is there help out there for me?

Comment Whore Anonymous, or something?

Disturbia

Hubby calls me this morning to check in.

Hubby: Did you put on Patches headcone?

Me: No

Hubby: WHY NOT?

Me: Rae is gonna…..when she leaves. It is her job to be the bad Aunt.

Hubby: I’m watching you…..the cameras are rolling. You better behave yourself.

Me: Does that mean my boyfriends can’t come over tonight?